Pushing Back the Dark by Faith

I heard two songs on Family Life Radio on my way home yesterday afternoon that dove-tailed with each other.  The first one was "What Faith Can Do" by Kutless.  The second one was "Pushing Back the Dark".  As I listened to the first song, I thought about lots of people and situations I know about, some of them in the churches I serve, others in the community and world.  It was an opportunity to pray and an encouragement.

I posted the song on social media with these words:

"I don't know your circumstances, but maybe this song will encourage you. As I pray for people and situations, as I work through my ordination paperwork, as I seek to live, love, and lead like Jesus...."

Here are the lyrics to "What Faith Can Do":

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it's more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know
Don't you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

It doesn't matter what you've heard
Impossible is not a word
It's just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody's scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It'll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You don't have a chance
(That's what faith can do)
When the world says you can't
It'll tell you that you can!

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do
That's what faith can do

Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

It hit me this week that I want to be ordained.  Okay, that might be an odd thing, but I am really slow in my processing.  Go back through my blog posts and you'll find that it was year 7 of seminary that I finally claimed being a seminarian.  It takes me a while to see myself as God sees me.  I don't always understand why God would call me to be or do certain things, but I finally start to live into it, feeling more comfortable in the skin God has made me.  And, this week was the week when the ordination skin struck me.  I think it's because I'm feeling the crunch and pressure of the required paperwork.  On top of that we have charge conference stuff on the horizon and we have four sets of leadership rolls to prepare in our parish, meaning we have at least 4 meetings of our Nominations and Leadership Development Teams.  Whew.  One thing at a time, right?!  I am counting on strength to rise, for hope that doesn't end, and dreams that can move mountains.  Not just for all the paperwork, but for many people and situations.

The second song, "Pushing Back the Dark" by Josh Wilson was also encouraging, but in a different way. As I listened to it, I was reminded to not give up, to not lose heart.  Do you ever need that message?  I do.  There are times and days when I question living, loving, and leading like Jesus.  I question the sanity of continuing to fight the good fight of seeking to be love and light in the world.  And, then, I hear encouragement to keep 'pushing back the dark'.  Good message.  Not all dark is bad for us.  There is the dark that can draw us closer to God, the dark in which we wait in silence and rest in the unknowing.  That's a different kind of dark.  That's not the "dark" the song was talking about.  That dark can't be pushed back.  It has to be lived through.

Lyrics to "Pushing Back the Dark":

One million reasons why, you shouldn't even try.
After all you're just one heart, a single candle in the dark.
And there are shadows here, feeding on your fears,
That you don't have what it takes - who are you to make a change?

But oh, oh, don't underestimate the God you follow.

Whatever you do, just don't look back.
Oh somebody needs the light you have.
Whatever you do, just don't lose heart.
Keep on pushing back the dark,
Keep on pushing back the dark.

The city on a hill, it should be shining still.
Every sinner saved by grace, has a purpose, has a place
Inside the bigger plan, we might not understand.
But if we just keep walking on, we will see the Kingdom come, yeah.

Whatever you do, just don't look back.
Oh somebody needs the light you have.
Whatever you do, just don't lose heart.
Keep on pushing back the dark,
Keep on pushing back the dark.

Oh, oh, don't underestimate the God you follow.
He is the light that burns inside your soul,
So keep on shining 'til the whole world knows.

Whatever you do, just don't look back.
Oh somebody needs the light you have.
Whatever you do, just don't lose heart.
Keep on pushing back the dark,
Just keep on pushing back the dark, dark.

Whatever you do, just don't look back.
Cause somebody needs the light you have.
Whatever you do, just don't lose heart.
Keep on pushing back the dark,
Keep on pushing back the dark, yeah

When you feel like you're too small
(Let your lights all shine)
To do any good at all
(Let your lights all shine)
Like a sunrise through the window
(Let your lights all shine)
Like a symphony crescendo
(Let your lights all shine)
We are waking up again, we are rising from the dead
(Let your lights all shine)
We are shining like the stars, we are pushing back the dark
(Let your lights all shine)
Yeah, we are pushing back, pushing back the dark
(Let your lights all shine)
We are pushing back, we are pushing back, pushing back the dark
(Let your lights all shine)
Just pushing back, we are pushing back, pushing back the dark
(Let your lights all shine)

Wherever you are on your faith journey, may there be encouragement today to not give up, to not lose heart and to know that you are a beloved child of the Creator.

Blessings on your journey, 

Debra

Come to the Table-all are welcome

This morning I heard a song by Sidewalk Prophets for the 2nd time, "Come to the Table".  I was just pulling in to the parking lot of one of the two churches I serve where I have offices.  I sat there listening to the song, touched by the words.

I posted the song with these words on social media:

"Come to the table. All are welcome. There is NO ONE not accepted. May it be so. I heard this song for the 2nd time as I pulled into the parking lot today. May we come to the table and be set free."

When I got home this evening, I saw Our Daily Bread opened up to today's message entitled "Available to All".

The focus verse, Mark 10:45, reminds us that Jesus did not come to be served, but to serve.  The devotion reminds us that Jesus was available to all.

Here are the lyrics to "Come to the Table" by Sidewalk Prophets:

We all start on the outside
The outside looking in
This is where grace begins
We were hungry, we were thirsty
With nothing left to give
Oh the shape that we were in
Just when all hope seemed lost
Love opened the door for us

He said come to the table
Come join the sinners who have been redeemed
Take your place beside the Savior
Sit down and be set free
Come to the table

Come meet this motley crew of misfits
These liars and these thieves
There's no one unwelcome here
So that sin and shame that you brought with you
You can leave it at the door
Let mercy draw you near

Come to the table
Come join the sinners who have been redeemed
Take your place beside the Savior
Sit down and be set free
Come to the table
Come to the table

To the thief and to the doubter
To the hero and the coward
To the prisoner and the soldier
To the young and to the older
All who hunger, all who thirst
All the last and all the first
All the paupers and the princes
All who fail you've been forgiven
All who dream and all who suffer
All who loved and lost another
All the chained and all the free
All who follow, all who lead
Anyone who's been let down
All the lost you have been found
All who have been labeled right or wrong
To everyone who hears this song

Ooh
Come to the table
Come join the sinners you have been redeemed
Take your place beside the Savior
Sit down and be set free
Oooh
Sit down and be set free
Come to the table
Come to the table
Just sit down and rest a while
Just sit down and rest a while
Come to the table
-------------

The banquet table is prepared and set for all.  As a dear friend posted on my post today:  "We should never assume that we are in charge of the guest list at the table of Jesus."

I probably should have asked more about that great quote, but I didn't.  It has been a busy day.

But, tonight I searched that quote and found something close to it by Magrey R. DeVega:

"The good news is meant for the hungry, for those who would drop everything for an invitation to the banquet.  When we lose sight of the radical grace of invitation, we have forgotten who we are. [...] we should never impose our quality-control standards on anyone else the king wants to invite to the banquet." (A Preacher's Guide to Lectionary Sermon Series: Thematic Plans for Years A, B, and C, Westminster John Knox Press, p. 70)

Whether you need to know that you are welcome at the table or you need to make room at the table for others, know that there is room.  It's all about God's grace.  God's grace opens up space for you, for me, for all at the table.  Hear these words for you and share them with others who need to hear: "Come to the table". 

Blessings on your journey, 

Debra

Broken Hallelujah

Today has been a mixed day of worship, blessings, brokenness, celebration, and singing.  This morning I started out with my quiet time outside in the cool weather with a cup of coffee, listening to the birds and the waterfall feature.  As I had my time of centering prayer, there were moments of tears beginning to flow for no reason that I could tell.

Before I started my centering prayer time I had taken a picture of the sky and written a prayer with it and posted it on social media:

"Creator, thank you for this morning view. May I be empty of me and full of you as I break the bread of life today. May hearts and minds be open to you as we gather to worship you in community, in spirit and in truth. Amen."

The opening prayer for today's centering prayer time was this one:

The closing prayer was this:

Today I preached at two of the three churches I serve on "Discipleship: Doing Our Part" from Matthew 14:13-21.  As I had studied and prepared for today, one thing that struck me was that Jesus took what was offered, gave thanks, broke it, and gave it out.  Even the smallest offering can be multiplied by God.

The brokenness in me from the beginning of the day continued.  A heaviness for others, a brokenness for sheep, for community, for many things.

The opening song was about the 5 loaves and 2 fish.  I had watched most of the video in the car with my mobile hot spot on the way home Friday.  But I didn't finish it nor had I listened with the volume on. I had only read the captions.  For reasons I cannot explain, the Holy Spirit took hold of me during that song and tears flowed.  I was so overwhelmed that I really wanted to leave, but I stayed put.  The song blessed me, even though it touched a deep part of me that was unexpected.

Did I REALLY pray this morning to be a vessel available to God?!?!

In preaching at the second church, tears came unexpectedly again as I shared the loss of the body of Christ in our midst.  At the first church, the loss was a loss of life in death.  At the second church, the loss was a person leaving the body.  Loss in any form takes a part of us.

My prayer and desire is for the body of Christ to find a way to love God and love one another, to somehow accept the differences and unique aspects that God has given each of us.  I know I don't always get it right, but I'm trying.

This afternoon I went up to Camp Lookout to join in on the Celebration and Groundbreaking Day.  It was great to see kids of all ages wandering around camp, enjoying the activities and the beautiful setting.  There we all were, kids of all ages, of different races and ethnic backgrounds, together.  It was a beautiful kingdom picture.

On my way up to camp, I heard the song, "Broken Hallelujah" by The Afters..  It spoke to me.

Lyrics:

I can barely stand right now.
Everything is crashing down,
And I wonder where you are.

I try to find the words to pray.
I don't always know what to say,
But you're the one that can hear my heart.

Even though I don't know what your plan is,
I know you make beauty from these ashes.

I've seen joy and I've seen pain.
On my knees, I call your name.
Here's my broken hallelujah.
With nothing left to hold onto,
I raise these empty hands to you.
Here's my broken, here's my broken,
Hallelujah [x3]
(Here's my broken)
Hallelujah

You know the things that have brought me here.
You know the story of every tear.
'Cause you've been here from the very start.

Even though I don't know what your plan is,
I know you make beauty from these ashes.

I've seen joy and I've seen pain.
On my knees, I call your name.
Here's my broken Hallelujah.
With nothing left to hold onto,
I raise these empty hands to you.
Here's my broken, here's my broken,
Hallelujah [x3]
(Here's my broken)
Hallelujah

When all is taken away, don't let my heart be changed.
Let me always sing Hallelujah
And when I feel afraid, don't let my hope be erased
Let me always sing (let me always sing),
Let my always sing,
Hallelujah [x3]
(Let my always sing)
Hallelujah
(Let my always sing)
Hallelujah

Here's my broken,
Here's my broken,
Hallelujah [x3]

Here's my broken,
Here's my broken,
Hallelujah [x4]

Later in the evening I heard "Open Hands"(either coming down the mountain or on my way home).

Lyrics:

[Verse 1: Laura Story]
The sweetest sound ... the highest praise
Is the letting go ... of this life You gave
Our greatest prayer .. our act of faith
Is an open hand ... Lord have Your way

[Chorus: Laura Story]
Take it all
Every hope, every dream, every plan
Take it all
Every weight, all the shame and brokenness
Jesus, I surrender all
Every victory and loss
Take it all, take it all
Till all I have is open hands

[Verse 2: Mac Powell & Both]
A clenching fist ... a life of fear
A burden held ... has no place here
'Cause you call me now ... to cast it all
On the shoulders of the One who's strong

[Chorus: Laura Story & Mac Powell]
Take it all
Every hope, every dream, every plan
Take it all
Every weight, all the shame and brokenness
Jesus, I surrender all
Every victory and loss
Take it all, take it all
Till all I have is open hands

I went to my first Evensong service at Chattanooga Valley Presbyterian tonight.  They meet monthly on the first Sunday of the month with Chattanooga Valley of the Nazarene Church and they switch back and forth with locations.  What a blessing that was to have folks from 3 different denominations coming together to worship God in song and Scripture.  We sang lots of songs, read from the Psalter, and had a time of fellowship afterwards.  There were lots of kids there and they were among those requesting songs. I was blessed.

As I reflect on the day and how I started the day in prayer, the Holy Spirit DID come and move in and through my life today.  I shouldn't have been surprised that my prayers was answered.  In reflection, I shouldn't be so surprised about all the brokenness either.  If I am going to lead others, it makes sense that if I am going to preach on God taking something, blessing it, breaking it, and sharing it, then I might go through breaking myself periodically.  I think today was one of those days.  I feel like God took me, blessed me, broke me, and shared me.

I was blessed by many things today, even the brokenness and the working of the Holy Spirit, whatever that was about.

I am grateful for this full day.

Blessings on your journey,

Debra

Praying the labyrinth at St. Francis by the Sea

On Wednesday afternoon I was able to walk and pray a new (to me) labyrinth.

The labyrinth is located at St. Francis by the Sea Episcopal church in Salter Path and is one mile from Trinity Center.

Because the Hearts on Fire / FUMSDRL (Fellowship of United Methodist Spiritual Directors and Retreat Leaders) retreat will be at Trinity Center next summer with Jane Vennard leading, one of the things to check out this trip was nearby places.

Though the miniature golf place was next to the church and an aquarium also close by, I only had time to check out the labyrinth.

The labyrinth is to the right when you enter the church parking lot on St. Francis by the Sea way.

It has a beautiful shell archway near the entrance of the labyrinth, a fountain at the back of it, a metal cross structure near a bench, and there are plants and shells around the space. In the middle of the labyrinth there was a round rock. I wondered if it was a geode.

 

As I walked this cement path, I noticed a heart in the cement along the outer path to one one side. I don't know whether or not it is intentional.  However, see a heart, share a heart.

Though there isn't a right or wrong way to walk a labyrinth, resources suggest praying for concerns, burdens, or people on the journey inward and giving thanks and praise on the outward journey.

That is a simplified version.

You can read more at the Labyrinth Society website or the information on the St. Francis by the Sea labyrinth page.

Because I was on the Hearts on Fire board retreat, I prayed for fellow board members, some family, church leaders, and others that came to mind. I try to be open to the Holy Spirit during my walk.

It isn't a labyrinth I will be able to visit often since it isn't near me, but I look forward to returning to it next year when I return.

If you are looking for labyrinths near you, use the labyrinth locator to find out if there is one near you to walk and pray.

Blessings on your journey,

Debra

Grateful for Hearts on Fire

I spent Monday through Thursday at Trinity Center in Salter Path, NC at our annual face-to-face Hearts on Fire board meeting. Hearts on Fire is the Fellowship of United Methodist Spiritual Directors and Retreat Leaders (FUMSDRL).

After this time at the board meeting, I am grateful.

I am grateful for...

• ...the beauty of the retreat center and coastal NC.
• ...the opportunity to reconnect with folks I have known and to meet new people.
• ...work accomplished.
• ...sunsets and sunrises on the beach.
• ...communion on the beach.
• ...fellowship and worship time.

As I reflect on the work we did, the time we had together, and what Hearts on Fire and this board has meant to me over the years, I am filled with gratitude for the life-giving and life-sustaining nourishment, encouragement, support, connection, and resources.

In thinking of a visual from this week to express how I feel, this photo of these two hearts connected is the most appropriate.

Hearts on Fire connects me to God and to others.

Think about what connects you to God and others in ways that are life-giving and life-sustaining.

If it helps, list them.

Give thanks with a grateful heart for each of these.

Blessings on your journey,
Debra

Thoughts about names

Names. They define us.  We respond when we hear it called out, we can even look for our names on Coca Cola cans now.

We choose names.  We choose nicknames.  We do this for ourselves and others.  Other people choose names for us.

Think about it for a moment, what are your names?  How many names have you had throughout your life?

I have had lots of nicknames throughout my life, some I've kept because I liked them and they fit.  Some I discarded.  I have grown into my full given name, though I struggled as a kid with my middle name, a family French name, DeLoach.  I struggled with it because it could be made into cruel nicknames.  However, as I got older and started learning French, I became proud of my name and my heritage.  I learned of my French Huguenot background, that we are from Loches, etc.

When I became pregnant, I had the opportunity to name my child.  That honor and privilege of picking a name and passing down heritage and meaning.  The name I chose for my child connected to a grandparent and an aspect of life that had truly saved my kid.  I almost added one other grandparent's name in there, but that would have been a mouthful.  I often just used the initials too and the kid was known by those two letters for many years.

Nicknames came from friends, from school.  There was even one nickname that came from a cartoon in elementary school and stuck through middle school.  It was a fun nickname that we all used.

The conversation with us about changing names began sometime in middle school.  What I learned was that names had already been researched and thought out.  There were several names that had been considered.  What I appreciated most about this process of research and choosing a name was that I saw in my kid the desire to find that name that fit and was meaningful going forward.

The chosen name?  Charlie.

Charlie started off high school with a new name, but we didn't make it officially legal until the following summer.  That was a special celebration for us as a family to celebrate the legal name change.

It was also a paperwork hassle as I then had to send or take copies of the document to every place where I needed the name to be changed.  I'm not sure I have the name changed everywhere yet, but we've covered the major bases.

For Charlie, these were and are exciting times.  Charlie researched names, went through several names, and picked out this name and now is living into it.  It was a blessing to be invited on that journey with Charlie because some of the names were shared with me along the way and I was able to be part of the discussion.

For me, it has been a time of grieving and letting go.  You see, I too had picked out a name that was meaningful to me.  But that name no longer fit.  It was uncomfortable in many ways. I had to come to the understanding that it was only a name and that I could let it go.  I still have this super awesome, wonderful kid.

Yet, there are moments in which I grieve.  Last summer as I was packing to go the the Fellowship of United Methodists Spiritual Directors and Retreat Leaders (FUMSDRL) retreat, Charlie and I came across my hospital band.  It had the child's name on it.  I burst out in tears as Charlie put it around my wrist because it represented a different time.

Fast forward a few days when I was at the retreat.  Frank Rogers' theme for us was compassion-- God's compassion for us and compassion we have for others.  My spirit was restless on this one day, I think it was the first day of the retreat.  During our breakout and contemplation time, I went back to my room.  Then, I felt nudged to get back outside on the property.  It was as if God was telling me there was something I needed to see.  I wandered around the property noticing the beautiful flowers, bees, birds, etc.

And then, I stumbled upon the garden.  Charlie's Garden.  There it was.  A big, literal sign.  Charlie's garden.  I stood there crying.  The tears flowed.  It was like the passing of the baton from the hospital bracelet to this sign.  Somehow this sign gave me assurance, encouraged me, made me smile; it even made me chuckle a little bit.  You see, I had been in this same spot a year before.  Every year we hold our face to face board meetings at the place where the retreat will be.  I didn't remember this sign.  We were already using the name Charlie, but somehow it didn't stick or I didn't even see it.  But when I needed it most, I saw it.

And to be associated with a garden for a kid who loves plants, well that was an extra bonus!

In the back of my mind, I've been waiting for a picture to show up in my Facebook feed on the Facebook memories.  I knew it would be coming soon but I didn't remember the exact day.  It showed up recently and jump started these thoughts.  The picture of Charlie's garden from last year's FUMSDRL retreat at the Cenacle in Houston, Texas.

When it came across my feed, I felt gratitude for the literal sign.  From time to time I still grieve the loss of a name I chose.  It was meaningful.  I'm learning to let go.  Letting go is an ongoing practice in my life, especially in this second half.

I don't know if any of this touches any aspect of your journey, but I do hope you find encouragement here.

Blessings on the journey,

Debra

Open Hands

This morning I heard a new song to me by Laura Story, "Open Hands".

The lyrics caught my attention as I try to live my life open to God.  There are constant challenges and activities in life, but my desire and goal is to live open to God, to God's guidance and direction.

In order to hear the voice, One voice clearly, I know I need silence and solitude.  That has been an ongoing learning opportunity over the years.  It seems the more that is going on, the more I need to make that space.

I am grateful for reminders throughout the week to take and make that space.

As I balance events this weekend (LINK@ the Y fundraiser tonight and the ice cream social on Saturday, preaching on Sunday) with pastoral care, personal care, and family care, and as I prepare for the board meeting next week, I am reminded to keep open hands.

"Open Hands" by Laura Story

The sweetest sound, the highest praise,
Is the letting go of this life You gave
Our greatest prayer, an act of faith
Is an open hand; Lord have Your way

Take it all
Every hope, every dream, every plan
Take it all
Every weight, all the shame and brokenness
Jesus, I surrender all
Every victory and loss
Take it all, take it all
'till all I have is open hands

A clenching fist
A life of fear,
A burden held
Has no place here
Cause You call me now to cast it all
On the shoulders of the one who's strong

Take it all
Every hope, every dream, every plan
Take it all
Every weight, all the shame and brokenness
Jesus, I surrender all
Every victory and loss
Take it all, take it all
'till all I have is open hands
All I have is open hands

I'm not afraid of what I lose
My greatest joy is finding You
I'm not afraid of what I lose
My greatest joy is finding You

Take it all, take it all
Take it all, take it all

Take it all
Every hope, every dream, every plan.
Take it all
Every weight, all the shame and brokenness
Jesus, I surrender all
Every victory and loss
Take it all, take it all
'till all I have is open hands

All I have is open hands. I surrender
'till all I have is open hands

I don't know what is going on in your life or on your journey these days, but I pray that you too may have open hands.

Blessings on the journey,

Debra