Messy Middle-- thoughts from a reading from Ash & Starlight

 I decided to open my new Ash & Starlight: prayers for the chaos & grace of daily life randomly this morning during my outdoor coffee time.  I figured that whatever it opened up to would benefit me in some way.  I wasn't wrong.

The book opened up to pages 44 and 45-- "When I'm in the messy middle of something".  I almost didn't read it.  I almost thought I would flip through and find something else, but I didn't.  Because there is much messy middle right now.

We are back in the red zone in the pandemic here in my area and have been for about 2 weeks.  That isn't just messy for life, but it becomes messy for leadership.  Truthfully, it was already a bit messy without us getting back into the red zone.  Seeking wisdom and discernment on how to be the church coming out of a pandemic and an ongoing/lingering pandemic at the same time is quite the challenge!

What else is the messy middle?  Getting all the preparations done for here and for the place I am heading to serve this week is one.  

The unknown of many things continues to cause 'messy middle'.  That liminal space.  Yet, that is where trust comes in.  Where I commit to the process and not the outcome.  Where I don't focus on the end result.

As I read this reading and reflected, it resonated with me.  I glanced at my coffee mug and smiled.  It made it through the process.  It is no longer a messy lump of clay, but rather a beautiful mug.  I wonder how many times the potter needed to start over with it?  How many times did it get mashed down and built back up?  I think about the process: the hands on the clay forming it, pinching it, and holding it; the firing and the glazing.  There was much work.  There was much 'messy middle'.  

Progress takes time.

Growth takes time.

Healing takes time.

"Help me embrace this messy middle time
when I must make space 
for shifts and questions."

Whether for my personal life or for my life as a leader, these words resonate with me this morning in this liminal space, in the unknown.

I don't know what will resonate with you today.  Whatever it is, may you find your way through to trust and to smile.

May the journey continue to be full of adventure!

Rev. Deb

Simple Presence: a reading from Ash & Starlight

Last week we had our monthly "Simple Presence" for our Spiritual Direction cohort.  They are offered in the morning and in the evening on the first Tuesday.  Normally I have a commitment on Tuesday mornings, but this past Tuesday we weren't meeting, so I was able to join in on the morning session.  What was shared was perfect for me to hear and contemplate.

The leader for this Simple Presence was Kristi.  She shared a reading from Ash & Starlight: prayers for the chaos & grace of daily life (Chalice Press, 2019).  This was an unfamiliar book to me and I knew I needed (wanted) it from the reading she shared.  I honestly think "needed" is fair as the writings are incredibly poignant for anyone on the faith journey, though there will be a few people who will argue with me "needing" any book.  

I ordered the book and it arrived on Saturday. I opened the package today, Sunday, and started reading the preface and thumbing through the book.  I learned that the author, Arianne Braithwaite Lehn, has a blog by the same name as the book: Ash and Starlight.  In case the link doesn't work for you, the blogsite URL is her full name (above) then "dot" com.

The reading she shared was: "When I'm struggling to accept my life right now" on pages 30 and 31.

There were many things that caught my attention, but the very first part was extremely relatable as I had just cut my thumb a week ago from the day.  I knew the flesh wound that was healing slowly and was able to connect to the words easily.

"Completely Gracious One, 

Forgive me.

I've slipped into cynicism this week, 
hanging my heart on negativity
rather than hope, covering bloody wounds
rather than opening them 
to the air of your healing.

Air can sting."

As I contemplated on the healing of wounds in the openness rather than covering them up, the reading continued to provide more for my reflection:

"I've been asking you 
for a change in my circumstances.
And I've been complaining.

Sometimes, you want a

change of conditions, 
and you equip me to

make that happen.

But maybe what 
I need this time
is not a change of what's around me, 
but a change inside me.

My heart, 

not my circumstances.

Maybe a change in heart

will lead to a change 

in circumstances?"

Hmmmm.  A change in heart.  Circumstances aren't always what need to change, bur rather it is my/our inside, my/our heart that requires a change.  Here again is another deep place for reflection, to simply rest and reside on these thoughts.  But no!  There is quite a bit more...

"But, for now, the changed

heart will be enough.

Instead of discontent, gratitude.

Rather than jealousy, generosity.

In place of judgement, compassion.

Replacing anger, laughter.

Mold my heart, God, into

the form you want it to be.

Lead me to my courage.

Kindle and warm what

has grown cold in me.

Energize the passions lying lethargic. 

In this day, help me stand before all my life

with a trusting, open heart.

That's a good enough change for now.

I will ask you about those circumstances later."

Oh, wow!  Gratitude. Generosity. Compassion. Laughter.  I could see these things flowing from a heart, representing a changed heart. The praise song "Spirit of the Living God" came to mind with the line "melt me, mold me, fill me, use" as it heard the words 'mold my heart'.  'Lead me to my courage' speaks to me as I seek to live, love, and lead like Jesus. The word 'kindle' causes my to think of the prayer "Come, Holy Spirit" and the line that says "kindle in them the fire of your love". The expression 'trusting, open heart' caused me to think of having open hands, being open to whatever God offers/brings.  

The reading still isn't over.  It ends with this: 

"I praise you as

the heart-renewing

God who is good, 

the God who is able, 

the God I love, 

and the God of us all.

Amen."

Ah, yes.  There is praise at the end and a recognition of who God is and God's character.  There is strength and hope in these words: 'heart-renewing God'.

Another song that came to mind from this reading was "Change My Heart, Oh God".  

Of the suggested Scripture passages with this reading, we looked at 2 Corinthians 12:9-10--"He said to me, “My grace is enough for you, because power is made perfect in weakness.” So I’ll gladly spend my time bragging about my weaknesses so that Christ’s power can rest on me. Therefore, I’m all right with weaknesses, insults, disasters, harassments, and stressful situations for the sake of Christ, because when I’m weak, then I’m strong."

Grace.  God's grace is sufficient for us.  It is enough. Thankfully, grace is always available to us, if we'll receive it, accept it.  Grace can carry us through the things listed in verse 10: weaknesses, insults, disasters, harassments, and stressful situations.

The reading and the Scripture passage were both powerful for reflection.

The entire book is full of readings and Scripture passages for different situations.  I imagine this will become part of my prayer life.

As you reflect on this reading and the Scripture passage, spend some moments in silent reflection.  What resonates most with you?

Peace on your faith journey, wherever you find yourself this day.

May the heart change begin!

Rev. Deb

Haiku writing-- a spiritual practice for me

Though I haven't been writing in my blog since May (evidently), I have been writing some Haikus (and weekly sermons).  I have found out that Haiku writing as a spiritual practice and pairing them with a photo is life giving for me.  It is a spiritual practice for me.  Not just for me.  I recently found a entitled Haiku-- the sacred art: A Spiritual Practice in Three Lines by Margaret D. McGee.  It goes well with the first book that got me started into Haiku writing: A Listening Heart: The Spirituality of Sacred Sensuousness by Brother David Steindl-Rast.  

I wrote my first Haiku at the bottom of page 82, on 8/18/20 as I listened to the wind chimes and the water fountain.  Steindl-Rast speaks of the Haiku as "a poem of awareness" (82) and "as a mirror" (82)  He writes: "The Haiku is, paradoxically, a poem about silence.  Its very core is silence." (96)

I wrote a blog post after first starting this spiritual practice and included some of my first Haikus.  Here is the link to that blog post: Haiku -- 8/26/20.

Iris Blooms and a Haiku-- 4/26/21

Hammock Time and Haiku-- 5/1/21

Here are some of the Haikus I have written since May 1st:

Morning time with Cliff.

Coffee. Birds. Clouds. Cool air. Calm.

Good start to the day.

DD, 5/8/21

Breezes come and go

Rustling leaves and singing chimes

Peaceful for my soul

DD, 6/25/21

skipping rocks in creek

rock sitting in the water

cold and refreshing

DD, 7/5/21

Fires Creek, NC

canopy cover

gentle breezes move the leaves

breathing in and out

DD, 7/8/21

Haikus bring healing

as they create space inside

my breathing expands

DD, 7/13/21

fresh cool morning air

clouds above moving around

hummingbirds feeding

DD, 7/14/21

hammock time swinging

underneath the canopy

healing for the soul

DD, 7/15/21

sunset on the lake

bright color fills the water

needed peace for soul

DD, 7/16/21

Chester Frost Park

Though there are more Haikus, these are what I will post for now.  On 7/9/21 I wrote in my Haiku journal (yes, I have a journal dedicated to Haiku writing) that to that point I had written about 22 Haikus.  At some point I may post the original photos with the ones that I turned into Haiku photos.  Maybe these will turn into "A Year of Haiku Writing" or "Haikus as a Spiritual Practice". Who knows?!?!

What I DO know is that writing Haikus brings me joy, healing, and hope.  And I guess that answers the question my spiritual director asked my yesterday, at least in part.  She asked 'what is needed for me to have hope?'  I wrote a Haiku based on that and changed the wording a bit after seeing bright yellow flowers growing in asphalt.  Ultimately what is needed for me to have hope is for me to continue the spiritual practices that draw me into relationship with the One who created me, the One who loves me, and the One who knows me best.  Then I can live out my calling to live, love, and lead like Jesus.

Here is that Haiku from yesterday:

the question was asked:

'what will it take to bring hope'?

the answer will come

DD, 7/30/21

Photo is mine

Whether Haiku writing or reading offers you joy, healing or hope, may you find those spiritual practices that do offer you these things.  

Peace on this adventurous journey!

Rev. Deb

me at Fires Creek, NC

enjoying creation

Hammock time and Haiku

Today's search for hammock time created restlessness for me. I started off to head to the Soddy lake to a picnic area on a peninsula.  I was stopped on the hill by a train on the tracks. It isn't unusual for this road. However, when the line lengthens behind you and those in front of you turn around to seek other paths, you begin to question how long the train will remain. I decided to do as many had done and turned around and left. Based on the train that I saw further down the tracks where I crossed, I would have been waiting a long while. I got onto the highway and continued to my destination. There were families with kids in the water, people in kayaks, and hardly any space for a hammock that would be peaceful. 

Because I figured that a go-to spot on the creek would be crowded on such a beautiful day, I decided on a tiny TVA park I had seen years ago, near the "stacks". There was only one other vehicle when I arrived and another person walking a dog. 

I found a spot between two trees and settled in. I wrote this Haiku:

Hammock time in trees.
Breezes. Birds. View of water.
Calms my restless soul.
[DD, 5/1/21]

I watched the leaves dance in the breezes and listened to the birds sing. I noticed a sign on a tree that marked a trail. I could not find any information about the trail.

A book that was recommended in the spiritual direction cohort came today: Mark Nepo's Seven Thousand Ways to Listen: Staying Close to What is Sacred.

I read the cover and saw that Rev. Ed Bacon had a quote on the back. That made me smile. He was one of my rectors at my home church in Dalton, GA-- St. Mark's Episcopal.

I read through the other quotes and noted Parker Palmer. He impacted my teaching when I heard him at a language conference years ago.  

I read through the quotes slowly and then the introduction.  I can already tell that this book is going to be one of those that reads you more than you read it. 

I write from the hammock and have a great sense of peace. 

The view of the water and the continued breezes continue to relax and refresh me.

The adventurous journey continues.

Peace,

Rev. Deb

Iris blooms and a Haiku

 

The first photo is what I saw this morning.  The second one is what I saw just now.  It bloomed today. The iris bloomed. These irises are slower than all the others in the neighborhood and maybe others you have already seen bloom. Yet, they are budding and blooming. In their time. For whatever reason they are not in synch with all the others. As I reflected this morning,  I thought about how I move in different ways and paces too. My growth is not always at the same time as others. It's okay. My thoughts in Haiku form:

Faithful.  Regardless. 
Listening. Following One Voice. 
Audience of One. [DD, 4-26-21]

Though I may not always follow the One Voice well nor listen well, that is my heart's desire.  

May we allow each other the space of grace to be and to grow and bloom as intended. 

Peace,  

Rev. Deb

Psalm 97 reflection

In yesterday's Simple Presence with my spiritual direction cohort, Psalm 97 by Nan Merrill was shared.  There was much in it that caught my attention, yet what became the focus for me in the silence became a Haiku. 

I wrote: 

Hardened hearts open
Heaven delights over this 
We are welcomed home

[DD, 4/12/21]

This came from 2 different sections of the Psalm, verses 8 and 9. 

1st-- "Heaven delights and rejoices when a hardened heart breaks open and recognizes Love's ever-patient Presence abiding within."

2nd--"For you, O Beloved, encompass and bless all the earth; You forgive our wrongdoings and welcome us home."

Nan Merrill's Psalms for Praying are delightfully refreshing and reflective.

I recognize that my heart must remain open and pliable to the One who created me and to those with whom I live and serve. If I allow my heart to become hardened, then I am unable to live, love, or lead like Jesus. 

May my heart remain open. 

So be it.

Rev. Deb 

My first TikTok video

Yesterday I was finally able to listen to a podcast about using TikTok for ministry.  I had missed the original webinar, but thankfully they made a podcast out of it and I found it and listened.  The topic had interested me.  I wondered how in the world TikTok could be used for ministry. Listening to "TikTok for Ministry? What the Heck" from March 1st by Steven D. Martin and Lakelands Institute provided answers. 

Brandan Robertson was the guest in this podcast from the webinar. 

His recommendations were to post a video 1x a day, a 1 minute video on something that is meaningful to you-- or has he put it, something that you're passionate about.

Being authentic on TikTok is key.

Interestingly, Brandan has been able to grow a community from TikTok and invite people into ZOOM for Bible Study.  There they can meet 'face-to-face' in a safe space and engage in conversations in public and real time. 

Brandan mentioned that a downside to TikTok is that there is lots of spam.  You can create filters to avoid some of it, but if you post messages of acceptance and love, expect some hate comments and heretic accusations.

Brandan also gave some advice and information for Instagram, including using Canva to "stack" instagram-sized slides.  I have used Canva in the past for newsletters, but haven't tried that feature. 

He suggests having a digital minister on your team.  That makes sense too these days.  

His advice was to choose one (1) platform and allow the others to feed into it.  That is sensible too. Crossposting will save time and energy. 

The hour was informative and helpful.  I decided to set up a TikTok account and give it a try.

My first video yesterday wasn't without some mistakes, but I will say it was fully authentic. :)  I used St. Elmo (the one that goes to REZ in January) and made a short introductory video.

I plan to do a weekly video.  That's not the daily as was recommended, but it is still regular.  

Here is my first TikTok in case you'd like to watch it: 

Peace on your adventurous journey, 

Rev. Deb