SOULfeast 2014....

There are so many things I can say about SOULfeast 2014.

First, I will state the condition of my soul going into this week.  Frankly, it/I was depleted.  I had been working overtime to complete one of my classes two weeks early so that I could attend SOULfeast and another week for Hearts on Fire.  Beyond school responsibilities, there were other life things.

This photo was where my heart, mind, and soul were going into SOULfeast:



Though it is two days away and I have a final exam to finish prior, my soul longs for the nourishment it will receive at SOULfeast. Like the leaf that was ready and open to pool the water droplet here, I plan to be a vessel to capture what the Lord offers.

I was ready... in every sense of the word... to go there. 

Through the worship, the speaker (Roberta Bondi), the music, the prayer, the communion, the fellowship, seeing "old" friends (some I had met in years past and some I knew from home, friends from the Academy, etc), spending time walking around the lake, spending time in silence and solitude, meeting new friends, etc., God restored and strengthened my soul.

I felt refreshed, refilled, and refueled by the end of the week. 

It may seem a little crazy that I am doing back to back weeks of retreats/conferences.  When I saw Johnny Sears (Academy for Spiritual Formation) at SOULfeast, he said he didn't expect to see me there because of the Hearts on Fire in Minnesota.  I told him that God must have lots of work to do in me, because God is the one who worked it all out. ☺

I am grateful for the refreshment and filling that SOULfeast offered last week!

If you're interested in learning more about SOULfeast, an offering of the Upper Room, you can check them out on their website.

Next year's dates are:  July 12-16, 2015.  The main speaker is Elaine Heath and Jacob Armstrong will bring the Word/preaching.  The theme is "Renew Your People".  You can pre-register here.

Blessings on your journey,

Debra

P.S.  Later (hopefully) I will post more pictures and thoughts from the workshops, etc.

Holy Saturday reflections

This morning I read from all three of the prayer guides that I have from the Upper Room books: A Guide To Prayer For Ministers and Other Servants (blue book), A Guide To Prayer For All Who Seek God (green book), and A Guide To Prayer For All God's People (red book).

Several things spoke to me in the readings that I will share.  There has been heaviness that remained with me throughout the morning and into the day.  Maybe it's because today is Holy Saturday, the day after Good Friday and the day before the Resurrection.  Maybe there are burdens on my heart, mind, and soul beyond those of which I'm aware.  I'm not sure. 

A peaceful respite during the afternoon was during my daughter's piano lessons during which I was able to hold a beautiful 6-week old child while she slept.  She woke up toward the end of the lesson, yawned several times, became slightly agitated, and fell asleep again in my arms.  Watching her sleep took me back to the days when my own child was so young, so tiny.  How precious are the moments we have to gaze upon the face of a child, to hold it tight. 

Life.  It is wonderful.  It is amazing.  It is challenging.  It is difficult.  It is heartbreaking.  It is all these things and more.    Most of all, it is truly an adventure.  Life continues to teach me new things, to broaden my horizons, to allow me to explore and to unfold. 

As I reflected this afternoon on this beautiful child and her life at this moment, I listened to my "child", now a teenager, play her lesson on the piano.  She is an incredible gift of life.

Tomorrow, I will reflect more on the resurrected life of Christ so that I might have life.  This life that I have.... I continue to desire to live it with abandon, following the example of the One who surrendered His will and His life so that I might know the freedom of grace.   I continue to fall, to fail in my attempts to live as my Mentor.   Yet, I allow myself to be lifted up by the surrounding community and my Creator and continue on. 

Both the red (149) and the blue (146) prayer guides had this reflection from the Mozarabic Sacramentary:

"The Day of Resurrection has dawned upon us, the day of true light and life, wherein Christ, the life of believers, arose from the dead  Let us give abundant thanks and praise to God, that while we solemnly celebrate the day of our Lord's resurrection, he may be pleased to bestow on us quiet peace and special gladness, so that being protected from morning to night by his favoring mercy, we may rejoice in the gift of our Redeemer.  Amen."

[Since I quoted from the Mozarabic Sacramentary, that may have raised some questions.  The Sacramentary is a collection of prayers, a prayer book, the book of prayers.  The term "Mozarab" refers to the multiplicity of groups (Christians that remained under Muslim rule when the Muslims took over) who lived primarily in Toledo, Spain.  The prayers, chants, and liturgies that came from this time period are still used today.  More about the Mozarabic Rite can be found at the Catholic Encyclopedia link here.  An Order of the Mozarabic Rite can be found here.  (It's a PDF and is in Latin.)]

Why does this interest you?  It might not.  At all.  Why does it interest me?  I studied abroad in Spain in 1984.  I traveled throughout Spain and visited Cathedrals and Castles.  Spanish is my 2nd language.  At one time I knew more about the history than I do now.... Think back brain to those classes I took in undergraduate studies on history and for international studies! ☺

As Holy Saturday comes closer to dusk, I close today's post with some information on Holy Saturday.

Today is a day of silence, darkness, waiting, unknowing, reflection.  What just happened?  What will become of all of us?  What does this mean for us now. 

At the time of the crucifixion and burial, the questions centered around whether or not the man that was killed was truly the Messiah that had come to save them, because if he were, then why hadn't he saved them?  Why hadn't he saved himself?  People were confused, afraid, uncertain, grieving.   There were family and friends that had lost a close companion.  There were others that had lost a mentor and a leader.  Others lost a teacher.  Many lost hope. 

They didn't know what we know today.  That after the burial, there was an empty tomb.  That death did not hold the Messiah.

But, that's tomorrow.  For today, we wait.  We reflect.  We grieve.  We wonder. 

Ah.... maybe this is what today's burden has been all about.

Blessings on your journey into the Easter Season,

Debra

P.S.  Here's a reflection on Holy Saturday for you by Barbara Brown Taylor-- Learning To Wait in the Dark: A Holy Saturday Reflection.

Updates on life... nothing earth shattering...

2 Year Academy
I got some great news this past week-- I was accepted into the 2 year Academy for Spiritual Formation's upcoming bilingual academy that starts this summer.  I have written about this before, so I thought I would update my blog to let readers know that I have been accepted.  I'm excited and looking forward to it.  I'm also having to let go and trust God with details.

The Upper Room sponsors 5 day and 2 year Academies for Spiritual Formation.  The days include worship, silence, solitude, teaching, accountability/covenant groups, free time, meals, rest.  In the 2 year Academy you are with your group for the entire 2 years.  The first year of learning is focused inward, and the 2nd year is focused outward.  This is my simplified explanation.  For more information on the Upper Room's Academies, you can check out their website: http://www.upperroom.org/academy/

Taekwondo
A few weeks back I tested for the 1st degree level one probationary black belt.  I made it.  I am excited, though I think testing for the senior red was a bigger step for me since it had been an entire year since I had last tested.  Now I'm in the process of learning a new form.  And, I'm still trying to get my head around E-CAS (Elite Counter Aggression Skills).  For me to figure out what I can and cannot do without hurting my frozen shoulders is a challenge mentally and physically.   I don't know how long it will take me to prepare to test for my decided black belt, but it is about the journey, not the destination.

Seminary
My seminary classes are going well.  I am reading some good, yet challenging, books this semester for my classes.  The class discussion is proving to be insightful and challenging as well.  I am enjoying being back in this environment.

Other reading
We started a new book in Sunday School this week: The Life You've Always Wanted: Spiritual Disciplines for Ordinary People by John Ortberg.  I can tell by the first chapter I'm going to enjoy this book.  Okay, I'll be more honest-- I could have told you from the title that I would like this book.  (Plus I've read another one of his books.)

I am reminded in the first chapter that "the primary goal of spiritual life is human transformation." (21)  Transformation... that word just keeps coming up.

Randomness

A thought floating around in my head at the moment: It is not easy to remain the same after we have encountered the life-changing, life-giving love of our Creator.   Ideally, we would not remain the same, we would change.  Yet, sometimes change is too hard for us to journey into or risk.  It requires trust.

Trust was part of today's sermon theme as well.  "Letting go".  Letting God take all the burdens and worries.  There were a couple of clips shown from "Finding Nemo".  Oh, how I love truth found in the ordinary. :)  Dory, believing she understood whale language, relayed to Nemo's dad Marlin that the whale was telling them to "let go."  Marlin wasn't buying that message and was hanging on for dear life.  He asked Dory: "How do you know something bad isn't going to happen?"  to which she replied, "I don't."  

Dory and Marlin let go and were sucked into the water in the back of the whale's mouth and blown out the blow hole.... into freedom....into the ocean.  For them, letting go meant being set free. 

It's okay to let go.  What is it that I need to let go?  What is it that you need to let go?  Am I willing?  Are you willing? 

Letting go of some things in order to pick up others.  What is it that I need to pick up?  What might you need to pick up? 

One thing I'm learning and working right now is deepening my devotional life.  Daily spending intentional and focused time reading, praying, listening, and sharing what I'm learning with others.  Yet this is a life-long something.  Something that can be deepened from this point onward until it is my time to journey from this place to the next.  And, it's an every moment something.  It isn't compartmentalized between my taekwondo self to my seminary student self to my mom self to my wife self to my friend self to my mentor self to my teacher self to my daughter self, etc.  The thread of my being, at my very core, is who I am, no matter what role I am in at the moment.  Ortberg puts it this way: "The truth is that the term spiritual life is simply a way of referring to one's life--every moment and facet of it--from God's perspective." (15)

I look forward to reading more of Ortberg (and sharing it).  For now, I'll call it a "day" and get outside to enjoy the last few hours of daylight.

Desiring to live a cohesive life for the glory of the Kingdom as I journey step by step,

~Debra

Lectio divina....spiritual reading.

Lectio divina is the Latin term for "spiritual reading", "divine reading", "holy reading".  Lectio divina is a spiritual practice that will help one slow things down and focus, contemplate, reflect.  It is a way of prayer.

Lectio divina works like this:  you take a passage and read it slowly, paying attention to the words and phrases that stick out to you at the time.  Re-read the passage another time or two, allowing the passage to speak to you.   Spend some time reflecting on what you've gotten from the passage. 

WARNING!  This type of reading is habit forming!  I have read in places that anything can become spiritual reading when read intentionally in this way.  I would agree, from experience.  Though I read Scripture in this method, I also read books in this way.  Not all the time, mind you...... But, it has become a default, underlying current, style of reading. 

I will explain.  You may have noticed.   There are at least two blog entries in which I've quoted a passage from an author and then I've gone back and shared the words that stood out to me.  Then, I've reflected on those words.  That's lectio divina, spiritual reading. 

I realized yesterday (with the help of an "intervention" by some friends) that I am in constant "think-mode" when I read.  Even when I read fiction.  Seriously.  If it's my copy of the book, I'm known to take notes and underline.  If it's not, watch out for lots of yellow sticky notes or brightly colored sticky flags.   I think part of my "problem" is that I have developed the practice of reading in the style of lectio divina.  The other side of that coin is that I rarely choose non-thinking material to read. 

Have you tried lectio divina as a way to change up your study time?  I encourage you to try it.  I realize that my amateur explanations of this spiritual practice may not be enough for you to get into the practice, so I am going to include some additional resources for you.

A book I've mentioned before, Sacred Rhythms: Arranging our Lives For Spiritual Transformation by Ruth Haley Barton, has a chapter on lectio divina, Chapter 3: "Encountering God Through Lectio Divina".

Another book I've mentioned before, Soulfeast: An Invitation to the Christian Spiritual Life by Marjorie Thompson, also has a chapter, Chapter 2: "Chewing the Bread of the Word: The Nature and Practice of Spiritual Reading".

Weavings has an online guide "On Spiritual Reading" you can print out.  It is intended to be used with the Weavings articles, but gives a good overview of spiritual reading as well.  http://www.weavings.org/ (Click on "Reading Groups" and then scroll down and find "On Spiritual Reading".  Click and read and/or print.)

Here is a link to the Upper Room: http://www.upperroom.org/methodx/thelife/prayermethods/lectio.asp.  Here you can read a little about lectio divina and then try it.  Just follow the instructions for the next steps.

This is just the tip of the tip of the iceberg on the topic.  If this is new to you, maybe you can post what you read and your reflections...... If this isn't new to you, post your experiences and/or some other resources you've found along the way.

As we continue the journey, I wish you all "happy reading"!  As for me, I'm going to attempt to NOT read something with spiritual reading eyes.  (I've been told that if I do and if I take notes or even reflect on this one, I have to share....)

You might be wondering what I'll be reading..... Sisterchicks in Sombreros by Robin Jones Gunn.  I hope I'll be able to read this like a "normal" person. :)

May there be joy in your journey today!

~Debra

Listening and waiting....then taking the next step.

How does one learn to listen?  How does one learn to wait? 

Testing the waters.  Trying and failing.  Trying and succeeding.  Just trying.  Taking that first step.  Experience.

A significant marker in my listening and waiting journey happened in the summer of 2006.  I was on a mission trip in Costa Rica.  We were staying at El Bambú in Puerto Viejo del Sarapiquí.  I had been feeling unsettled and unrest for a while and didn't know what it was.  One night, it struck me that I felt like I was being called to go deeper in my spiritual journey, in my relationship with God.  That was it.  There wasn't any "how to", "when", or "where" associated with this feeling.  As I shared this with my spouse, his response was: "Go with the flow."

We came home from the trip, I started back teaching at the local university, everything seemed "normal".  At some point, my elementary-school-aged daughter asked me to be more available to her.   Though I didn't fully understand, I felt led to "retire" from my teaching position effective at the end of the school year.  

I also felt the doors open to explore and I looked into taking classes online through a seminary in KY.   I thought I would test the waters and see if those classes might clarify something, anything to me.  After receving a Certificate in Christian Studies from Asbury Theological Seminary, I would say that those courses (through my professors, my fellow students, the books read, and the assignments) have helped grow in my journey.  They also helped me to discern three areas of passion:  discipleship, spiritual formation, and leadership.   Additionally, during that time I was able to come to peace with the fact that I don't have to be in a classroom to be a teacher.  I am a teacher.  It comes out naturally, whether I want it to or not.

Another option I had considered was pursuing an EDD in Educational Leadership at one of the institutions where I had worked and taken a few courses.  I applied.  I took the GRE again after having taken it 20 years ago.  I did well in my strength area, verbal.  I did not do well in the analytical area since I hadn't really used those skills since college.  I didn't make it to the interviews.  Though disappointed, I finally came to realize I was already accepted into a graduate program and I should just finish it.

There have been many times of listening and waiting.  I'm not always aware of them.  Meaning I don't always listen well nor do I wait well.  I struggle sometimes to find meaning when I've listened, waited, responded, obeyed.... and then SLAM! the door has closed without satisfactory explanation.   What I'm learning is that I don't always have to have the answers.  sigh.  Someone smarter and more knowledgeable than me has things under control.  Things may not turn out the way I wanted them or thought they would, but things will turn out. 

Recently, I read Sue Monk Kidd's book: When the Heart Waits: Spiritual Direction for Life's Questions.  This book helped me to verbalize the waiting period and to better understand it.  A caterpillar cannot grow if it doesn't spend time in the chrysalis.  It is part of the process.  And, once it is ready to emerge, the butterfly must struggle in order for its wings to sufficiently strengthen to prepare to fly. 

Process.  Struggle.  Now, who said these would be part of the journey, the adventure?  The better question might be: who didn't say these would be part of the journey?  Because, they are.  In order to fly like the butterfly, we do have to go through the dark times of waiting and then the times of struggle.  However, to fly like the butterfly it is worth it.  At least to me.

One last listening and waiting example.  I had some opportunities this summer for intentional listening.  I went to two gatherings back to back.  While at each, I listened intentionally and intently to what God might be telling me through the speakers, the songs, other people, etc.  I had a breakthrough on my last night at the second gathering and was able to get at least a glimpse of what I've been trying to see.  What I realized is that I want to be a guide for others on their journey.  What I wrote in my journal is this: "I picture a guide leading a hike through the wilderness. That guide is me."  I think I've been doing this in many senses already.  But, what I'm feeling is that now it's time to do it more intentionally.  Some might argue that I'm fairly intentional about it now. :)

One thing I'm going to do to spend some more time listening and to test the waters is to attend a 5-day academy sponsored by the Upper Room in October.    It felt like the next step.  It will be an awesome experience.  I don't know where it will lead.  I don't have to.  I'm just looking forward to the opportunity.

A word of caution on listening:  listening doesn't always happen in a vacuum.  It often helps to have folks around you to help you filter out what you hear.  Just as we don't always see our strengths and weaknesses and others do, others help us discern in the listening process.  

Thank you to my "hiking buddies" that are on this journey with me!
~Debra