Reflections on Entering Into the Silence

It's almost here. The silent retreat, The Big Silence, that I signed up for several months ago is finally here.

I'm excited.  I really am.

For those of you who know me, you know I'm an extrovert.  Yet, I'm an introverted extrovert.  I've learned over the years that I need my silence and solitude in order to be who I'm created to be.  I live, love, and lead more effectively when I take/make time for silence and solitude.

The Academy for Spiritual Formation and SOULfeast, among other offerings from The Upper Room, have been life savers for me in learning that rhythm of inward and outward flow.

The Fellowship of United Methodist Spiritual Directors and Retreat Leaders (FUMSDRL), also known as Hearts on Fire, has also spoken into my life through retreats and board meetings.

I have done a Centering Prayer day retreat up at St. Mary's Sewanee a couple of years back (and another 1/2 day one during lent or advent one year).

Last year I did a clergy group in which we took a retreat at the end (after studying Ruth Haley Barton's book on Silence and Solitude) and spent quite a bit of time in silence up at St. Mary's in Sewanee, TN.  That was super.

Recently, I found the SoulCare Project here in Chattanooga and have participated in a couple of day retreats with silence and time for my soul to catch up with my body.

I don't make it as often as I'd like, but I try to make it to a Centering Prayer group here in town.  When I do make it, my soul is refreshed.

However, taking a 4 day silent (mostly all silent) retreat has not been something I've been able to do yet.  It has been on my bucket list.  Yep.  Not as something to simply do and cross off, but rather as something to live into and continue as I can.

As Rafiki from the Lion King would say, "It is time."

How do I know?  The timing has been affirmed over and over.  I was hesitant to sign up at first, but after prayer and discernment, I took the plunge.  It has become evident that this is the right timing in my journey to do this, because of many different things going on.  I am grateful for the nudgings so many months ago.

As I prepare to enter the silence, I realize I honestly don't know what to expect.  I chuckle to myself as I recall reading Ruth Haley Barton's comments about going to a silent retreat once and how it took time to settle down into it.

I've done all the work stuff I can ahead of time for next week.  I set my work phone message to let folks know I'd be away.  I still need to set emails to show "out of office" if I can figure that out. We'll see.

I have my hammock ready to go with me (it's supposed to be warm weather, in the 50s).

I have a regular camera in case my phone camera won't work.  Contemplative photography is a big part of my silent time, so I imagine I will spend time in reflection through nature and that pictures will be part of that process.

I have my journals ready.  Yes, that was plural.  I'm going to use this opportunity to go back and read the journals from my time in the 2 Year Academy.

Hmmm.... my flute?  It's not silent, but it is a way for me to connect.  We'll see.  I haven't prayed my native american flute in a long time.

I have the Henri Nouwen book we were asked to read, The Way of the Heart.  I haven't quite finished it yet.  I have a few other Nouwen books and a McClaren book ready to jump in with me too.

What do I expect?  I expect to meet with the One who created me.  I expect to "be still and know".  I look forward to the time to listen.  To simply be.

Honestly, my body is so tired right now, I will probably sleep some too.  But as I learned in the Academy from numerous presenters, 'sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do during this hour is nap'.  That was often said (in different ways) as we finished our teaching time and headed into our hour of silence and reflection.

After about 3:30pm or 4pm on Sunday afternoon, January 15th, I won't be present in the virtual world.  I won't be checking emails.  I won't be making or taking phone calls.  A technology fast.

That means one of my spiritual disciplines, blogging, will need to wait as well.  I suppose.  We'll see.  Writing is a spiritual discipline for me and I've not had lots of time to write and reflect lately.  But, maybe at this retreat it will all be hand-written.  That'll be different for me.

As I enter into this experience, I enter with palms opened up to my Creator with no agenda other than to accept the gift of receiving whatever it may be that God has for me in this adventure.

Blessings on your journey,

Debra

Sacred Spaces for quiet and listening

I looked back to see when was the last blog post I wrote and it was November 2nd.  That says something to me about how busy I've been these past two months.

Yes, it has been the Advent season and things get busy in the ministry during that time.

But it has been more than that.  There have been unexpected things that have caused me to need to take on extra duties.  Though that has been a huge learning curve, time consuming, and difficult, God has blessed in the midst of it.

What I have needed to do during this time is to be much more intentional than normal to carve out time for quiet and listening. It hasn't been easy.

There have been three spaces in the past couple of weeks that have helped me. (In addition to all the time in my "rolling sanctuary".)

Once a month I see my spiritual director.  She always has wonderful Christmas decorations set up.  This year the manger scene wasn't quite all put together yet, but there was a camel from another set in the back of it.  The candle she lit for our time together had a representation of the magi coming to see the child.  Though I can't remember everything and I didn't take the time later to jot down notes in my journal, I know that God met me there that day and assured me that all is well and God is in control.  God also reminded me that a sense of humor throughout it all is a good thing.

I attended a Longest Night Service on December 21st.  There were several in the area that night and during the week.  At first I wasn't going to go to a service, but then I realized that I really wanted and needed to go.  I attended a church where I have provided pulpit supply in the past.  It was good to simply "be", to "be still" and hear from God through the pastor, the Scripture, the music.

On Friday, December 23rd, I attended the Centering Prayer group at Grace Episcopal Church.  I haven't been in a very long time.  It was great to be back.  Even though I've been doing Centering Prayer on my own, there is something to doing it in a group.  Plus, I rarely do a 30 minute sit on my own.  Being with group for the prayer time and then listening to Richard Rohr's "Dancing with the Divine" CD was another needed space for me.  There were several things that stood out to me in the portion we listened to during our time.

Each of these were sacred spaces for me for quiet and listening.  Much needed spaces.  I know that I cannot give from what I do not have.  I need to continue to make sure that I am receiving from the Source so that I can offer the Source.  It is a matter of being intentional, especially when things get more hectic and difficult.

Several months ago I was feeling the nudge to sign up for a silent retreat in January.  If I were to go to it, I wouldn't be able to also attend Resurrection with the youth.  I was conflicted and unsure.  After praying it through, I finally decided to sign up for the silent retreat-- 4 days of (almost all) silence.  The retreat, The Big Silence, is based on Henri Nouwen's The Way of the Heart and the teachings (non-silence) will be on silence, solitude, and prayer.  As I started reading the book in preparation for the retreat, it was an affirmation that this retreat is exactly what I needed for quiet and listening, for myself and for me as a leader.  I am glad that I listened to the nudge(s).  I look forward to the upcoming sacred space.

A quote from the book:

 "The story of St. Anthony, as told by St. Athanasius, shows that we must be made aware of the call to let our false, compulsive self be transformed into the new self of Jesus Christ. It also shows that solitude is the furnace in which this transformation takes place. Finally, it reveals that it is from this transformed or converted self that real ministry flows." (10) 

The retreat will be held at a new location for me, St. Francis Springs Prayer Center, in Stoneville, NC.

What sacred spaces for quiet and listening have been part of your journey in the past couple of months?

May there be spaces for quiet and listening as we journey forward.

Blessings on your journey,

Debra