When God Seems Far Away-- Sunday's sermon at Fairview UMC in Rossville, GA

Fairview UMC, Rossville, GA

I had the opportunity to preach this past Sunday for a friend and colleague, Rev. Susie Gilley, in the North Georgia Conference. The church she serves is Fairview UMC in Rossville, GA. Rossville is one of the places that was part of my first appointment in the Holston Gap Parish, in the Holston Conference. Rossville is dear to me, even if they were rivals with Dalton back in the day. :)

I have preached at this church several times and enjoy my time with them. They are a caring and endearing faith community. I enjoy the guitar there and their willingness to go with the flow. 

Here is my sermon (more or less). What is on paper isn't always what is said, but I did record it this time, so I will include the recording too.

“When God Seems Far Away”

Psalm 22:1-15 (CEB))

October 13, 2024

Fairview UMC

 
Good morning! It is good to be here with you again today in worship. I don’t think I’ve been here since I was here last October. You are a welcoming and kind faith community and I enjoy our worship time together.
 
As we continue in our time of worship this morning, will you pray with me?
 
“God of Light, open our hearts and minds by the power of your Holy Spirit, that, as the Scriptures are read and your word proclaimed, we may hear with joy what you say to us today. Amen.” (Prayer for Illumination, UMH, in Upperroom WorshipBook, page 35)

Today’s Scripture passage comes from Psalm 22:1-15, from the Common English Bible.
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My God! My God,
    why have you left me all alone?
    Why are you so far from saving me—
        so far from my anguished groans?
² My God, I cry out during the day,
    but you don’t answer;
    even at nighttime I don’t stop.
³ You are the holy one, enthroned.
You are Israel’s praise.
⁴ Our ancestors trusted you—
    they trusted you and you rescued them;
⁵     they cried out to you and they were saved;
    they trusted you and they weren’t ashamed.
⁶ But I’m just a worm, less than human;
    insulted by one person, despised by another.
⁷ All who see me make fun of me—
    they gape, shaking their heads:
⁸     “He committed himself to the Lord,
        so let God rescue him;
        let God deliver him
        because God likes him so much.”
⁹ But you are the one who pulled me from the womb,
    placing me safely at my mother’s breasts.
¹⁰ I was thrown on you from birth;
    you’ve been my God
    since I was in my mother’s womb.
¹¹ Please don’t be far from me,
    because trouble is near
        and there’s no one to help.
¹² Many bulls surround me;
    mighty bulls from Bashan encircle me.
¹³ They open their mouths at me
    like a lion ripping and roaring!
¹⁴ I’m poured out like water.
    All my bones have fallen apart.
        My heart is like wax;
        it melts inside me.
¹⁵ My strength is dried up
    like a piece of broken pottery.
My tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth;
    you’ve set me down in the dirt of death.
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LEADER: GOD IS STILL SPEAKING.
 
PEOPLE: THANKS BE TO GOD.
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This Psalm might be familiar to you. If not the entire Psalm, maybe the first line. This is one of the Psalms written by David. Jesus quotes the first verse and instead of “why have you left me all alone?”, you may be more familiar with “why have you forsaken me?” We find Jesus quoting Psalm 22:1 in the Gospels: Matthew 27:46 and Mark 15:34 as he is hanging on the cross dying. Jesus is in deep despair, anguish, pain.
 
For both the Psalmist David and Jesus, God seemed far away and therefore they cried out to God.
 
Have you ever felt that God seemed far away?
 
Here are some of the different words used in the English versions of the Bible for the Hebrew word: forsaken, abandoned, deserted, left me all alone,
 
Have you felt forsaken, abandoned, deserted, left all alone?
 
It’s okay to acknowledge our dark times in our faith, those times that we haven’t felt the presence of God.
 
David was a ‘man after God’s own heart’ and Jesus was God’s own son. If they felt God’s absence and cried out, doesn’t it make sense that we might experience that same feeling of being all alone?
 
As we acknowledge that this is a part of our faith experience, how do we respond when God seems far away?
 
Another way to ask that same question might be: what do we do when God seems far away?
 
Notice that both David and Jesus, even though they feel forsaken, abandoned, deserted, left alone by God, they are still talking to God, crying out to God. Did you catch that?
 
Their feelings in the moment did not prevent them from having a conversation with God. In fact, they were open and honest about how they felt in that moment.
 
When God seems far away from us, we can be open and honest about how we feel in the moment. We can cry out to God, sharing whatever is on our hearts and minds. If there are no words to express what that might be, that’s okay too. God understands. Thomas Keating is known for his quote: God’s first language is silence. Mother Teresa spoke about prayer as listening to God and the silence.
 
If words or silence aren’t able to draw us nearer when God seems far away, what other spiritual practices might we engage?
 
I often default to finding God, Creator in nature, creation. Seeing God in creation allows me to slow down, to reflect, and to realize that though it may seem that God is far away, God is very much near and everywhere.
 
This past week I was able to spend quite a bit of time in nature, from a camp reunion to another camp for a 4 Day Academy on “Welcoming the Wilderness”. At the camp reunion, at the end of the morning watch devotion, the leader led us in prayer. As I looked down at the ground in prayer, I saw this rock, a heart-shaped rock. For me, that was a remind of God’s presence and love in creation. Fast forward to the end of the Academy retreat week and the speaker mentioned black walnuts. He showed us photos of them in different stages and how at the center of them is often a heart. I never knew that. He had a bowl of black walnuts in different stages to pick out one that caught our attention. I picked out this one. I see the heart in the center. I saw hearts all week… from leaf shaped hearts to rock shaped hearts. It was a constant reminder to me that God is near. God’s presence, God’s love is with me and within me.
 
Not only do I find God’s presence in creation, but also in community. We are meant to be God’s loving presence for one another.
 
When I am not experiencing God’s presence, I remind myself to STOP. LOOK. LISTEN. That helps me to notice, to pay attention.
 
As I am reminded that I am not alone even though I may feel it, my thoughts, much like David’s turn to gratitude and praise. Note verse 10. Note how much David trusts God. David says he was “thrown on” God since birth. Other versions say “cast upon”, “placed in your care”, “given over to you”, “thrown into your arms”, “lean into you”, “relied on you”, “dependent on you”. Notice that David trusts God even though he feels alone, abandoned.
 
God knows our pain, our sorrows, and our suffering, yet hasn’t nor will forsake us.
 
Let us give thanks for what we know to be true, even when God seems far away.
 
Will you pray with me?
 
God of creation, God of love, God of life,
we cry out to you in the midst of our pain, our sorrows, our suffering.
Where are you? You seem so far away at times.
Reveal your presence.
Open our ears that we might hear.
Open our eyes that we might see.
Open our hearts that we might love.
Remind us that you are as close to us as the breath we breathe.
Fill us with love for all you have created.
Fill us with peace in the midst of life’s chaos.
We give thanks for all the saints who have gone before us.
We give thanks for your created world around us.
We give thanks for your son, Jesus Christ.
We give thanks that you are here with us now, in the fellowship of those gathered.
To you be all honor, glory, and praise. Amen.
DD, 10/12/24

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I wrote the closing prayer (thus the "DD"). It seemed to flow as I was finishing the sermon. 

The week that I had just spent on retreat in the 4 Day Academy made it into the sermon. Go figure... it seemed to fit well.

I enjoy preaching. It is one of the things that gives me life. From the studying of the Scriptures to the sharing of the good news, it brings joy.

Here are some additional photos from the morning:

Audio link to sermon: "When God Seems Far Away"

If anything from the sermon, the Scripture, the prayer, the photos.... if anything resonates, super. 

Where or how has God, Creator seemed far away for you?

May you know God's presence and God's love along the way, 

Rev. Deb

P.S. I had written this on the church bulletin and forgot about it, as I had other things going on last Sunday. But I finally remembered. :) On the way to the church last Sunday morning, the song "Give Me Jesus" kept running through my mind. I sang it on the way to preach. The verses that ran through my head were these: "When I am afraid" and "When I am alone". One can substitute "am" for "feel". I don't know where the song came from, but it was there.

When I am/feel afraid, give me Jesus.

When I am/feel alone, give me Jesus.

And then I added (for the title of the sermon), "When God feels/seems far away, give me Jesus"

Since I didn't really remember exact verses and sang what came to mind, I looked up the song and found Fernando Ortega singing it. I saw Fernando Ortega in concert several times "back in the day" and I enjoy his talent.

Fernando Ortega, "Give Me Jesus"

In the morning when I rise....morning prayers

Today I start the day with coffee outside on the patio, listening to the waterfall feature, and hoping to glimpse at least one hummingbird.

Since I couldn't find my Upper Room Worhsipbook I bought at the 5 day Academy, I am using this one today.  It is one of ten I found at Flintstone UMC in the library when I was looking through books last year.  Being at the 5 day Academy and then a 2 year Academy, I became well acquainted with the songs, the Psalm prayers, and the liturgies for daily prayer (morning, noon, and night).  Each day had its rhythm.  

Yesterday, in talking with a friend and colleague (Ginger Isom), we were talking some about the worship and rhythm of the Academy and how we were drawn to it.  She is considering working on a "rhythm day" for her 2nd year project (hopefully along with others on her journey) to offer for those who are interested who have been to a 5 day or 2 year or have yet to been and can experience such worship.  Maybe that's why I picked up the worship book this morning when I headed outside for my quiet time today.

The liturgy for morning prayer in this book is #112.

We can sing Psalm 51:15 "O God, open our lips, and we shall declare Your praise." together OR read:

God said: Let there be light; and there was light.

And God saw that the light was good.  This very day the Lord has acted!

LET US REJOICE!

Praise the Lord!

GOD'S NAME BE PRAISED!

A morning hymn or Psalm 95 follows.

Then this prayer: 

New every morning is your love, great God of light, and all day long you are working for good in the world.  Stir up in us desire to serve you, to live peacefully with our neighbors, and to devote each day to your Son, our Savior, Jesus Christ the Lord.  AMEN. 

(This prayer is from The Worshipbook-- Services and Hymns, p. 57, Westminster Press.)

Each day IS new.  New blessings.  New challenges.  New opportunities.  

I am grateful for the blessings, challenges, and opportunities of yesterday and open to those of today.

The rest of the morning prayer liturgy continues with another Psalm, some silence, a psalm prayer, reading from Scripture, canticle of Zachary or a hymn of praise, prayers of thanksgiving (intercession, and petition), the Lord's prayer, a hymn or doxology, and benediction.

Joining in community for this time of morning prayer is a great way to start the day.  A rhythm day will be just the right thing.  I look forward to that dream/vision coming to fruition.  I also hope to make my way back to a 5 day again, to enjoy the week long rhythm.

Meanwhile, I rise each day to experience the love and light of God, to seek to be that love and light to others, to live peacefully with my neighbors, to devote the day to Christ, to live, love, and lead as Christ did.

The benediction from #112?

Go in peace.  Serve the Lord.  The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with you all.  AMEN. 

(From same book above, p. 58.)

Blessings on your journey, 

Debra

P.S.  Here's a song for the day: (first one with Jeremy Camp singing; second one with Fernando Ortega)

Lyrics: 

In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise, give me Jesus

Give me Jesus
Give me Jesus
You can have all this world
But give me Jesus

And when I am alone
Oh, and when I am alone
And when I am alone, give me Jesus

Give me Jesus
Give me Jesus
You can have all this world
But give me Jesus

And when I come to die
Oh, and when I come to die
And when I come to die, give me Jesus

Give me Jesus
Give me Jesus
You can have all this world
You can have all this world
You can have all this world
But give me Jesus

Reflection... living into who the Creator created me to be

This week has been a week of more reflection than normal (it seems).  There have been several devotions I've read, one my husband sent to me, quotes I've seen on social media, songs I've heard, and things I've read in books that have had me thinking. 

I have been reconnecting with some friends over the past few weeks and that has been a blessing.

Also, as we came into the month of September, I found myself beginning to think about my dear friend Leila who passed away suddenly last September 7th.  Leila's unexpected passing last September was the beginning of a year full of deaths.  As is the case for many people that have gone on, I still miss Leila and think of her often.  I am reminded of her as I look at the icon she gave me that sits in my office, when I wear the red cross, and when I walk the labyrinth at Burks UMC. 

In my reflection time yesterday, I realized once again how grateful I am for The Upper Room Academy for Spiritual Formation. God used both a 5 Day Academy in 2010 in TN and the bilingual 2 Year Academy (#32) to meet me where I was and to take me along the journey to a place where I am more my true self, more whole, and living more into who God created me to be.  Without the rhythm of the 2 year Academy, I don't think I would be where I am today in ministry or life.  It strengthened me, gave me encouragement and affirmation through the community, structure, teachings, and rhythms.  I am grateful to have been able to go on that journey, especially while in seminary working on the M.Div. 

Here are some of the reflections from the week that have been on my heart and mind:

There have been nuggets of truth and encouragement throughout the week from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young.  From September 2-- "Living in dependence on Me is a glorious adventure."  From September 3-- "Let the dew of My Presence refresh your mind and heart."  "As dew refreshes grass and flowers during the stillness of the night, so My Presence revitalizes you as you sit quietly with Me."  "A refreshed, revitalized mind is able to sort out what is important and what is not."  From September 4--"In the intimacy of My Presence, you are energized."

On Friday (September 4), Riley forwarded a devotion to me from Every Man Ministries on crosswalk.com.  It was about Jesus being rich in sacrifice and how Jesus sacrificed time, energy, effort, and comfort in order to connect with people.   I included a link to this devotion because so much of it spoke to me.  I hope you'll take a few moments and click on the link and check it out for yourself.

Yesterday I heard a new song (for me) by Casting Crowns on 91.5 Family Radio, "Just Be Held".  As I listened to the lyrics, I found many of them to resonate with life-- mine or others.  "Your world's not falling apart; it's falling into place."  It turns out that the song was written in 2013.  How have I not heard it until now?!?!

Lyrics:

Hold it all together
Everybody needs you strong
But life hits you out of nowhere
And barely leaves you holding on
And when you're tired of fighting
Chained by your control
There's freedom in surrender
Lay it down and let it go
So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your worlds not falling apart, its falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held
If your eyes are on the storm
You'll wonder if I love you still
But if your eyes are on the cross
You'll know I always have and I always will
And not a tear is wasted
In time, you'll understand
I'm painting beauty with the ashes
Your life is in My hands
Lift your hands, lift your eyes
In the storm is where you'll find Me
And where you are, I'll hold your heart
I'll hold your heart
Come to Me, find your rest
In the arms of the God who won't let go

As I continue to live into the weekly rhythm of studying, preaching, going into community, seeking to know the people in the three churches to which I've been appointed and to get to know the community in which they live and worship, I know that the only way I can live into my calling is for me to keep making time to stop, be still, to spend time with God, to be re-energized and refilled.  Being able to hear and listen to the One Voice is more important than ever because I'm not just living my life as a follower, but also as a leader.  In order to lead well, I need to listen well. 

Two final things. 

Before I preached this morning's double header at Flintstone UMC and Simpson UMC, I was at the Flintstone rock church (which is in the Ripley's Believe It or Not records) and opened the front doors and took a look up at Lookout Mountain.  As I gazed upon that majestic view, the words of the Psalmist came to mind: Psalm 121:1-2--"I lift up my eyes to the hills--from where will my help come? ² My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth."

As I drove home today, I saw a scene in the clouds that reminded me of a smiley face.  Upon further inspection when I got home, it looks more like a bow tie underneath than a mouth.  You can use your own imagination. 

May you live into who the Creator has created you to be and may you be open to listening to the Creator's voice along the way.
 
Blessings on your journey, 

Debra

Si tuvieras fe / If you only had faith.... what mountains are you facing?

Last night we attended the Still Waters Emmaus Community Gathering in Dayton, TN.  It was our first Gathering there, but I have been to about 3 candlelights over the years and even served dinner on one walk way back when.  We went last night to be able to connect with folks I hadn't seen in a while and because I had sent in my application to be considered as clergy in their community.  Since the Dayton community borders our Chattanooga community, we have some movement between the two communities and I felt led to be part of both.  Having lived in Dayton previously and worshiped in Dayton was part of me wanting to give back to that community too.

During the worship portion of the Gathering, Pastor Eddie Suttles mentioned moving mountains.  He talked about how we can start praising God in advance for the movement of those mountains.  Two things came to mind as he shared..... one was a mountain that has been on my heart and mind for a while... so I lifted it up to God and gave praise that God was going to move it.  The second thing that came to mind was one of the songs we often sang at the Academy, Si tuvieras fe / If you only had faith.

Because I am not able to find my Academy bag at the moment, I had to research the song.  That helped me learn the author (Pablo Sosa) and the translator (Jorge Lockward) and the fact that the song by these Methodist pastors is only currently in print in the Glory to God Presbyterian Hymnal (per hymnary.org).  The song is a catchy rhythmic one, in either language.

On YouTube I found a version of the group Salvador singing it live in a worship service.  Sometimes it is called "Mountain" or "Montaña".  Here it is called "Grano de Mostaza" or "Mustard Seed".

I don't know what mountains you are facing in your life right now, but I do know that mountains are movable.  I've had my share of mountains in the past and there are some in my life now.  Yet, I know that they are passable and/or movable.  There have been times when I've asked them to be moved and there have been times when I've asked for strength for the journey to travel over them.  Each mountain experience / situation is different.  My current journal is teaching me to reach new heights on the mountains.

Listen to the song.  Check out the lyrics.  Reflect on your life situation(s) to see if you are in a time of traveling over the mountain or asking it to move.  Either way is a journey.  If nothing else, you might find yourself moving to the tune and enjoying the Caribbean beat.

LYRICS:

SPANISH:

Si tuvieras fe como grano* de mostaza  [*though some lyrics say «grano», «granito» is also used and 
                                                                   is more accurate as 'a little seed']
Eso lo dice el Señor

Tú le dirías a la montaña
Muévete, muévete
Esa montaña se moverá, se moverá, se moverá

ENGLISH:

If you only had faith just like a little grain of mustard,

This is what Jesus declares.

You would be able to tell the mountain,
Move away. Move away.
And then the mountain would move away,
Would move away, would move away. 

Version of song in English from Presbyterian Hymnal website. (Scroll down; 15th video--labeled).

Blessings on your journey,

Debra

P.S.  I have some blogging to catch up on.... a sermon I preached a couple of weeks ago, my four year anniversary of blogging that is this week, etc.  But I am also balancing my first week of Fall classes, so I hope to get to those next week. 

LINK TO A GREAT ARTICLE ON PABLO SOSA WITH MANY RESOURCES ON WORSHIP (from a time he visited Calvin College)  "Pablo Sosa on Congregational Singing"

Encouraged by community...taking the next step

Sometimes a big step doesn't seem like a big step at the moment.  It simply is the next step on the path.  In walking the journey, I've come to refer to them as the next clearly lit step, though they aren't all necessarily clearly lit. ☺

This past Monday was one of those "next steps" for me.  In one way, it was a typical follow-up meeting at the end of the summer with the District Board of Ordained Ministry.  In another way, it wasn't so typical because they didn't just want to hear where I was with things on the Candidacy journey.  This meeting was to determine my readiness to move forward toward Provisional Elder and whether or not they were going to recommend me to the Bishop and Holston Conference as ready for it. 

Though I felt like I had done everything I could do and have applied much of my learning in seminary along the way, I was a little apprehensive going into this meeting.  Nervousness isn't a bad thing.  I had that feeling the first day of every Fall semester as I stood before the classroom to teach.  I have that feeling as I stand up to preach.  It usually goes away in a bit, as I settle in and things get started.  So, yes, I was nervous somewhat this past Monday. 

But while waiting in the office for my appointment time, God was good!  I had conversations about raccoons and children, ministry and life with Melissa and Clair.  Then a pastor came in that I didn't know to pick up materials for his church.  When he mentioned the name of his church, I did recognize it.  I had just preached there recently, the Sunday before he came.  I introduced myself and let him know I had preached at his church.  Joe D. and I started talking and somehow I learned fairly quickly that he was planning to attend the TN 5 Day Academy in October, that he knew all about the Academy for Spiritual Formation, and we were speaking the same language.  Cool! 

Then I was called into the meeting.   One of the pastors had warmed up a chair for me, so he said.  I know.  It might not have been the best time for a joke, but I asked if it was wired with bombs or something underneath to go "boom" and he said no.  But that it was wired for electricity.  Great response.  Humor is always a good tension reliever for me and allows all folks to breathe and be.

I answered questions and shared where I was in seminary and where I felt God calling me to serve in the immediate future.  I shared about family situations that add some limitations to my ability to move too far from this area at this time. As I continue to seek discernment myself, I know these things:  God is the one who called me into this journey in the first place and put this on me.  And God knows the situations in my own life and family better than I do.  Therefore, God can work it out, giving wisdom and discernment to all the rest of us as we seek it.  I know that really all I can do is to take the next lit step, knowing it won't always be fully clear.

After discussion and question answering, I got kicked out of the room for a while so they could discuss their recommendations.  I hung out in the library.  That was a good time for me to continue living into the unknown, surrendering all to God, and thanking God for the journey thus far. 

Then I was invited to come back in.   I am grateful for the folks in that group.  Not only do they give of their time for listening and discernment, but they come to the table as real folks.  My interaction with them was encouraging for me. 

When I came back in the room, I noted that they had been laughing quite a bit and I wondered if they were laughing in Spanish.  (Phonetically, it wouldn't make a difference.... but it is spelled "jaja" instead of "haha".)   I don't know why that came to mind, but it did.  And it led to a brief conversation of me sharing that I had preached once in Spanish, at the Academy, and that was one of the most affirming and rewarding sermons I had preached. 

The chairman told me that the committee was recommending me onward to the Holston Conference.  They shared some dates and some other things with me.  Then, a fellow to my left that I know from the Lay Servant Committee prayed for me before we dismissed. 

Wow!  I was "nervexcited".  That has been my daughter's word for being nervous and excited about things.  That's how I felt.  I couldn't let out a "yahoo" inside, but waited until I got outside.  It wasn't a loud one, but it was there.

I am excited to continue on this adventure.  I am also nervous.   I could go into detail.  But I'm really not sure about all that lies ahead on the horizon that causes my excitement or nervousness.  I imagine time will tell.  And/or some of those further along the journey might could give some insight too.  And, then, I've had quite a bit of life and ministry experience... and maybe that's the excitement and nervousness. 

Regardless of what lies ahead in the distant future, I know what I need to do for my next steps.  There is a meeting and there are questions to answer.  Meanwhile, there are courses to finish for the summer and then fall semester starts about a week after I finish summer semester. 

As I continue this journey of ordination, moving through the process toward Provisional Elder, I am also extremely aware of and grateful for the community that has surrounded me to hold me up, to encourage me, to spur me on.  There are folks locally, internationally, throughout the United States..... many whom I only see via technology and many who read about my journey through this blog yet don't respond.... But I know you're there.  And I want to say thank you.

Thank you for the prayers.  Thank you for the words of encouragement.  Thank you for the questions about how it's going.  Some of you have been on this journey with me for the long haul.  Some of you have just joined in recently.  You play an important role in my journey.  Therefore, my journey is in part your journey.  

At the risk of posting a photo that might repel some folks, I'm going to do it.  The connectivity of community reminds me more and more of a spider web as we connect and intersect with one another, holding one another up and keeping one another buoyed and strong.  This is what community means to me.  All the various communities that touch my life.... from my local church, to Hearts on Fire, to the Emmaus community, to the Academy community, to my Dalton connections, to friends, to family, to Facebook connections, to blog readers, to Mustard Tree Ministries folks, to seminary connections, to former colleagues, to former students, to former teachers, ETC.  There is NO WAY I could list you all.... I would be typing all day and I would likely forget a name.... but I think I captured most categories.

I am thankful to each of you for journeying with me.  I am humbled and truly blessed. 

May you be encouraged by community on your journey,

Debra

SOULfeast 2013--The Spirit Alive

I'm back from my second SOULfeast at Lake Junaluska, NC.  I first went to SOULfeast in 2010.  That summer and fall were packed with some major mile markers in my life.  Much has transpired in the three years since I have been to SOULfeast.  To look back and see how God was working then, to see how God worked through many situations and people, and to see where I am now is a tad mind-blowing for me.  Interestingly (or ironically), even with all the movement in my life, I still don't know the end-all where I'm going.  BUT, there is a difference in my life now than three years ago.  I'm much more calm in that unknowing (most of the time) and I can live into with more acceptance and ease.  I attempt to live it step by step, as each one is revealed.  I did three years ago too, but there was an urgency in my spirit that was pushing me.  For me, part of this SOULfeast was reflecting back on my last SOULfeast and the past three years. ☺

Trevor Hudson was the main speaker, speaking at opening worship, the plenary sessions, and closing worship.  I have never heard Trevor Hudson speak.  I haven't read his books, though I did buy The Cycle of Grace this past January that he and Jerry Haas co-wrote and I have skimmed it.  Another one of his books caught my attention in the fall of 2010 at a 5 day Academy I attended because of the hiking boots on the cover: A Mile in My Shoes: Cultivating Compassion.  My husband picked it up at the Lake Junaluska bookstore and is currently reading it, so I'll get to read it eventually! ☺  Trevor was an incredible speaker!  Engaging, authentic, humble, transparent, vulnerable.  He spoke the truth-- hard core, yet in love, teaching and challenging.  Each session there was something to sink my teeth into, to chew on (reflect upon) and to apply to my life journey.

During each worship time, there was an artist from Iowa, Steve Braudt, who drew with chalk throughout the singing, speaking, etc.  That was powerful to watch-- his worship expressed in art.  And, the results were always beautiful expressions of art that reflected the worship.  A gift that helps him worship, but that also gives to so many others.  [Check out The Art Project website here.  There are links about art as a spiritual discipline, etc.]

The altars were changed out for each worship time.  Altars and banners bring beauty and meaning into the worship space.

 

 

There were quiet spaces set up around for quiet time and reflection with instructions: Walk The Rosary (using the rose path), Labyrinth, Sitting at the Feet of Jesus, Joy of Coloring... I may have missed some and may not have the names exactly correct, but you get the idea.

SOULfeast offers wonderful choices for morning and afternoon workshops.  The morning workshop is designed as a 3 day consecutive time, while the afternoon workshops are individual.  There is not enough time to be able to do all the great choices offered.  That is a wonderful problem.

This year I chose the Joining God's Mission II for my morning workshop.  For the afternoon workshops, I went to Holy Listening: A Circle of Trust and an e-learning session with folks from both the Upper Room (Sharon Conley) and BeADisciple.com (Steve Wilke).  All workshops were helpful, provided me with information, allowed me to meet and interact with new folks, etc.  Good stuff!

I got to reconnect with folks I hadn't seen in a while (from my 5 day Academy, past SOULfeast, etc.) and connect with folks I had only met thus far in the virtual world.  In an afternoon workshop, I recognized the name of one person (Ann Smith) I had met through her blog (Out of My Heart) that my cousin in Spain had sent me. [He had sent me a specific post, "Lines" back in May.]  We ended up having the opportunity to talk at the end of that workshop and saw each other at other times during the week.  That was neat.  Small world. ☺  I also met new folks in the workshops and through the Academy dinner meeting and the Hearts on Fire luncheon.

I'm still processing (and will be processing) all that I heard and learned this past week.  I have notes and pictures.  Just as I had three years ago, I also have some affirmations and rumblings (or guidance) in my own journey.... I say "rumblings" because they are there, but not coming to the surface as clear as I would like them too.  But, that might be my fault.  Honestly, I may not truly want to live into the truth I see and hear.  Why would I say that?  Because I see and hear it, but I don't understand what it means.  So, I have to let it sit longer and allow the Ultimate Guide, God the Creator, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit reveal to me what it means and how it is supposed to be lived out.  The image of guiding others through and out of the wilderness was once again affirmed this past week as one of the speakers, Vance Ross, was sharing about his brother coming to get him out of the woods.  I need (or I think I need) more time to reflect upon the image and what it means for me.  I don't think (or feel) that the time is right for me to step into living it, whatever living it means... but that could be fear of unknown or many other things.  So, I will ask for clarity and guidance and see what happens.

Meanwhile, there is much life waiting on me.... groceries that need to be bought, a trombone that needs to be serviced, school supplies that are waiting to be bought, a class I teach starting next week that needs to be cleared out and readied, some other things and responsibilities that need to be covered.

Living the inward/outward journey isn't easy.  It requires flexibility.  It keeps me humble.  I cannot do it on my own.  SOULfeast has helped to feed my soul, to strengthen my heart and mind.... now to live out what I've been learning in the community (communities) where God has placed me.

Blessings on your journey,

Debra

P.S.  Mark your calendars:  SOULfeast 2014 dates are July 13-17.

Intensive seminary class on the main campus for the first time... feeding my soul and mind

I would like to sit down and write and write and write.  But, I have one more book to finish.  I also have a paper to finish that I started last night.  So, I will get my writing in, just not the way I'd prefer. ☺

There are so many ways I could go with this post.  Therefore, it could seem like random ramblings.  But, I think I'll focus on where I am and why I'm here.

I am in Kentucky for my first intensive on the main campus at Asbury Theological Seminary. I am taking a course in United Methodist Theology under Dr. Steve Seamands.  I am staying in Nicholasville, an 11 minute drive from the campus, at The Cottage which is part of The Corner House Bed and Breakfast.  This is a great place to stay and the host has been super!  The breakfasts have all been yummy!

I am getting some good silence and solitude time this week.  I needed it.  With my Academy time over, I knew I would need to be very intentional in getting time apart into my schedule.  I knew I would have some time to myself this week, but I wasn't prepared for how much this week would minister to me Academy-style.

It hasn't replaced Academy by any means.  There isn't much that can replace the vibrant worship of Academy #32, the bilingual atmosphere, the relationships that were knit over two years, etc.  BUT, through the direction of Dr. Seamands, our class is a space not only for learning, but also for spiritual formation, for worship, for the holy.  I have several times felt like I was in the Academy setting listening to the faculty presenter challenge us to reflect spiritually on things. 

Dr. Seamands has done this each morning through a time of teaching on the Character of a Methodist in which he presents Scripture, shares with us, challenges us to reflect, invites us to sing and worship and then pray together.  Wow!!  The topics have spurred sermon ideas. ☺  More importantly, they have opened up places for healing and have allowed me to have some spiritual formation time while being in class.  Head and heart time.  Just like the Academy.  My soul has been blessed.  I have been able to gaze upon several icons, including one of my favorites, that of Rublev's Trinity.  I have practiced visio divina while watching some of the incredible backgrounds for the songs we've sung.  I had a class with Dr. Seamands online at some point early on when I was working on the Certificate for Christian Studies.  That would be somewhere between 2007 and 2009, but I will have to look through my folders to figure out which one it was.  I remember that he was a good online instructor.  He is an even better in class professor.  The way he directs the activities of the learning process, how he uses songs, pictures, stories, group discussion, class interaction, etc.  I admire and appreciate his teaching methods both as a student and as a retired educator.  Well-done, prof!

Being on campus has been a blessing in other ways too.  I finally got a student ID after all these years (I started in 2007).  I got to go to my first chapel today.  Though I had to ask someone who it was that spoke, it was a powerful message.  And, it was good to share in communion. 

Getting to know fellow students in person has been good too, just as it was the first intensive I took in FL two summers ago.  I have also been able to connect with two local folks.... one I was expecting to see and had made plans to visit with over coffee; the other I knew was taking classes, but I thought she was gone for the summer.  So, I was surprised to see one of my former Wesley Life Group students and Costa Rica missionary buddies at lunch time today. 

Solomon's Porch truly has good coffee and a wonderful atmosphere.  Though I haven't eaten there yet, all the food items I have seen look wonderful. 

Here is a picture from Wesley Square of John Wesley.  It's really the only campus picture I've taken so far.  (On my camera.  On my phone I took a picture of the fountain and some pictures at chapel.)

 

 

Well, at this point I had better return to the writing that is required of me and the reading too.  At some point later I can hopefully return to writing here the things that have stirring around in my heart, mind, and soul.

Blessings on your journey,

Debra

Growing in silence... Sharing the sacred space

The other day a quote came across Facebook from Contemplative Life on silence.  It caught my attention.

"Perhaps the most important thing we bring to another person is the silence in us, not the sort of silence that is filled with unspoken criticism or hard withdrawal. The sort of silence that is a place of refuge, of rest, of acceptance of someone as they are. We are all hungry for this other silence. It is hard to find. In its presence we can remember something beyond the moment, a strength on which to build a life. Silence is a place of great power and healing."                        ~ Rachel Naomi Remen

 
Through the Academy, I grew in my experience of silence and even enjoyed walking in silence with friends.  At the last session we experienced a time of "active silence" where we gathered together in silence and did things that were meaningful to us.  We had been given instructions to return to our rooms and bring back pillows, blankets, and something for us to do... whether we wanted to read, write, knit, sew, etc.  When it was time for us to return to the conference room, they had transformed it.  There were places on the floor for sitting.  There were some chairs upside down providing back rests.  You could sit at a table, on the floor, make a pallet on the floor.  Whatever you wanted.  As we began to settle in and do our own things in silence, there was a remarkable sense of peace and community. 

I sat on the floor to write in my journal.  A few minutes later, you smelled the wonderful smell of popcorn and a few of the leaders were bringing around popcorn, cheese, grapes, etc.  Hospitality was thrown into this sacred space.  It was powerful to watch and listen as others were doing their thing--- drawing, lighting a candle for quiet time, reading, looking at pictures of beautiful birds on a computer, doing art work, taking a nap, etc.  As I observed and wrote in my journal, I found myself praying for folks and appreciating the presence of Jesus in the space.  

This was a beautiful experience of active silence for me, for us as community.  The speaker who introduced it to us, Kathryn Damiano, mentioned that gardening together and doing other activities together in silence are ways to live out this active silence.  I thought of mission trips and how there are often many times that we are working together in silence.  Last year cutting rebar ties and tying rebar and shoveling sand and dirt were some of my "jobs".  There would be some conversation, but there would also be silence time.  And, there was peace and beauty in that silence.  Christ was presence among us. 

Through the centering prayer group, I have experienced a beautiful time of silence with folks that I'm slowing getting to know.  They have been so gracious to accept me, a stranger, into their midst.  Though I don't get to go every week, it is a true blessing to go when I can.  Not only for the silence portion, but for the reading and sharing time as well. 

During the silence time with my spiritual director, my spirit calms.  Sometimes there are birds chirping outside the windows.  Sometimes I gaze at the pictures of Jesus and the candles.  Often, I simply sit in silence with my eyes closed, breathing deeply.  There are times when I know I could sit my entire time with my director in silence and then go and I will have met with Christ as much, if not more so, than when we break the silence and discuss things. 

I have learned from these experiences (and others) that there is peace, power, healing, and strength in silence. This space is a place of refuge, rest, and acceptance.  What a privilege to be able to share that sacred space with another.

Once again, I didn't know the person that was quoted above, so I looked her up.  She has a website and her biography on the website is found here.  She has developed curriculum that is used in medical schools, The Healer's Art. 

Here is a YouTube link to Rachel Naomi Remen discussing "Generous Listening".

I don't know enough about her or her practices to agree or disagree.  What I do know is that I can learn from her..... I can learn from anyone that shares Truth, because all Truth is God's Truth.  What I hear from her about silence resonates with what I have experienced and with what I know from Scripture about Jesus getting away for his times of silence and solitude in order to be strengthened for continued teaching and ministry.

Attributed to St. John of the Cross is this statement:  "Silence is God's first language."  It's a wonderful language to learn.

Wherever you are in your journey, wherever you are in experiencing silence on your journey, may you continue to grow in it.

~Debra

Living through the transitions, allowing my wings to dry...

April 4, 2013 (look for Chrysalis in top right quandrant, about 2 o'clock).

 

April 6, 2013-- emerged and letting the wings dry

My life continues to be one of ongoing transitions.  I think that is typical for us all along our journey.  Maybe it is more acute at times than others.

Having transitioned from being on the Academy journey to now being out of it, I'm in a "holding pattern" in some ways from that transition.  Likely because it is still so recent.  I'd say that I'm in the stage of having emerged from the chrysalis and allowing my wings to dry before I can fly.  And the image of the chrysalis and the butterfly that emerged during our last week will forever be etched in my memory because it was such a perfect and beautiful example of our journey.... ending, yet beginning.  It was an "accident" that one of the participants brought the chrysalis.  He had cut a rose from his garden to bring and only noticed the chrysalis upon arrival.  It became a sacred moment, a sacrament to me.... and to many.

My grandmother has recently been transferred to an assisted living facility.  This is a transition mainly for her I realize.  Yet, it is one for me as well.  I know that I am called to visit her weekly at her new place of residence.  This means a time of transition in my time management and daily life as I let go of some things to make room for her. 

I was blessed to have three grandmothers growing up.  And, I had special relationships with all three, in different ways.  This grandmother is now at a time and place where she recognizes me, yet sometimes forgets how I fit into the family puzzle.  Last week she asked if I was her niece as they were doing introductions at Citrus Social at the center.  I reminded her I was her grand-daugther.  It's okay with me.  I realized that I don't always know what piece of the puzzle I am in the family of God at times. ☺  Besides, we all fit, regardless of name, size, shape, etc.

This grandmother studied at Emory University and earned her Masters of Christian Education in 1962 after having raised her two daughters by herself for quite a few years.  She was involved in public education and had studied French.  In her earlier years she studied at the Teachers College in Statesboro (now Georgia Southern University).  She was a Stephens Minister in her church.  She was very involved in prayer and Bible Study.  I imagine I owe some thanks to her and her groups and friends for prayers lifted on my behalf over the years.  She showed me by example how to love "the other woman" and never spoke ill of my third grandmother.  That became important to me later in life when I went through things in my first marriage and then when I myself struggled.

So now as she enters a new phase of her life, it is time for me to give back to her.  I can give her my time and my presence.  She may not always know where I fit in, but she seems to recognize me and know me.  So far.  I don't know when that will change.  It doesn't matter.  I will walk this journey with her and with my mom and dad.  I will offer what I have.

Another transition I am going through is the laity/clergy transition.  This is one long transition!! ☺  In many ways I see it more as a merger and personally think that I have been "claity" for a while now.  I have been and will continue to be a bridge between the two.  Yet, I move more into some roles that are more one than the other.  One example for me is in the Emmaus community.  I worked a Women's Walk this past weekend.  I had the honor, privilege, and blessing to be an Assistant Lay Director [ALD] on this walk and to give one of the talks.  It was a wonderful weekend!  Even though I slipped on wet concrete and skinned my knee; even though I almost lost my voice a few times (maybe some would have liked that ☺);  even though a blood vessel popped in my left eyelid for some unknown reason and started bruising on Saturday; even though migraines came the morning of my talk....it was a tremendous weekend!!  I tried to remain as present and as poured out as possible so that God could work in and through me.  This was my last laity position and walk in our community.  I thought about it some, though I tried not to.  I had two community members that came up to serve meals mention it to me.  That was humbling and encouraging.  One simply said welcome into the new role in the community and another came by as I was eating a meal and said something to the effect of "we can call you pastor now".  Even though I am not quite to the ordained place yet, I am at a place (Certified Candidate) where I can be an Assistant Spiritual Director in the community.  I applied and my application was accepted.  I may not be asked for a while, but that's okay.  God will work it out for when I am to work a walk as an Assistant Spiritual Director (ASD).  I actually felt inside me that last April was my last laity walk.  God was preparing me.  But there was one more.  Why exactly?!?!  I don't know.  Was there one particular reason I was up there this weekend?!?!  I don't know.  I know that I was humbled, blessed, filled, emptied out, filled again, etc.  I know I was where I was supposed to be.  And, now.... I transition to a new place in the community.  I'm out of the chrysalis.  But my wings aren't quite dry yet.  I plan to be still and wait.... let them dry.  I will know when it's time to fly. 

What transitions are there along your journey?  How are you living into them?  Don't forget to allow your wings to dry. 

Be still and know that God will prompt you when it is time to fly.

Blessings on your journey,

Debra

So much to sort through, so much to get back to doing... Tug of War in the re-entry

Re-entry. Once again I'm in that re-entry space. I'm back home. It's wonderful to be back home again from my Academy week. Yet, there is so much in my heart, mind, and soul that hasn't been fully processed (especially since this was the last session of the 2 year Academy for me).

There is so much floating around that needs contemplation/reflection time. Yet, there is MUCH to be done here at home. Laundry, this week's readings and assignments, catching up on e-mails, preparing to teach the ladies on Thursday, preparing for Thursday evening's meeting, preparing for my daughter's birthday and celebration, ETC.

There is a tug-of-war going on within me for my time and energy as I attempt to live into this place of honoring all that I need to be and do on both planes. Once again I find myself living into the tension. This is becoming a normal place of life for me. And, that's okay. There are many paradoxes in life and living into the "being" and "doing" is one of them.

Though I have so much that I want and need to process right now, I simply cannot. I will need to settle for short moments of processing and I will most likely make a list of those things that strike me most. And, then I hope for some time to work through it later. ☺

Meanwhile, I have made a "to-do" list of what I need to accomplish today back in my "normal" world. I will do what I can. I don't feel that I'm fully back yet. Maybe being fully back isn't the goal. I would hope that I don't fully engage as I was prior, but as I have become... whatever that means. ☺

I don't know where you are in your journey. Maybe you are living into the paradox of "being" and "doing" with much grace and ease. If so, blessings!! [There are some days like this, for which I am grateful!] But, maybe you are experiencing a tug-of-war like I am today. If so, blessings to you as well.

Wherever you are today in your journey, may you find peace as you work through ins and outs of the day.  There is peace in the tug-of-war even, at least for me, once I recognize it for what it is and simply attempt to do what it is that I can do and live into each moment that I have.

I may not fully be able to live into my desire to "be still" today because of all that I need to focus on and do. Yet deep down beneath all of this, there is the stillness and the peace that resides and flows.

Ah, living into the tensions and the paradoxes of life... now that's life-giving!

Shalom!

Debra ☺

Frank and Ernest preach it!

I enjoy reading the paper.  I haven't read the newspaper in weeks.  Last night I read the paper and there were some great things in there.  There were two funny write-ups in the now Thursday (formerly Friday) jokes section, one about a pharmacist and one about learning languages.  There was an editorial about free online learning (MOOCs), and there were the comics.

Of the comics, "Zits" was pretty funny because the teenage boy had a "serving" of lasagna that was big enough to feed an entire room of people.  But the one that caught my attention most was "Frank and Ernest" by Thaves.

They were outside a pharmacy, which they often do have something to do with a pharmacy.  Since my husband is a pharmacist, that always catches my attention.  One of them is on a set of scales that says "your weight".  The other is looking on and remarks: "That body you consider a temple has become a mega-church."  Whew!  That can be both an "Ouch!" and an "Amen!"  It is both funny and sad.  Though it makes me chuckle, it goes deeper than that too. 

Take a look:

http://www.gocomics.com/frankandernest/2013/03/07

"Weight" is not an issue I take lightly.  I have struggled with weight since my college years.  I have gone back and forth like a yo-yo, trying to get back to my high school days.  At one point, my collar bone showed way too prominently, but I wasn't at "goal weight", so I couldn't become a life-time member, even though I had plateaued and my body would no longer go down any further. 

I have had my ups and downs with this issue.  These days, I am more in the realm of "eating to live" rather than "living to eat".  I still enjoy eating.  I am still overweight.  But, I pay more attention to my body, to what it needs, to when it is full.  I also pay attention to portion sizes and what I put into my body.  That doesn't mean that I don't sometimes put in junky things (like a Krispy Kreme donut every now and then or some other crazy thing), but I attempt to keep it balanced. 

Listening to my body has been a big part of this growing awareness of eating more healthier.  And, that has been due to things such as diabetes, anemia, kidney stones, frozen shoulders.  I have needed to pay better attention to my body, the temple, in order to figure out what was going on inside it.  So, I've been listening and paying attention and then trying to do things about it. 

Exercise is an important part of my regime.  Taekwondo and zumba are my main workouts.  Walking and hiking are thrown in as often as possible.  Yoga was a part of my routine, but that is something I will now try to do on my own at home (or with the help of a program) due to cutbacks.  Yoga for wellness suits my needs best. 

Rest is another important part of the equation in taking care of the body.  I don't think I really ever understood this until my body became tired from anemia and I had no choice, but to rest.  Likely, earlier in my life, my body attempted to give me messages that it was tired and worn out, and likely sleep deprived, etc.  But, I pushed it to the limits.  That is not as easy to do as your body ages and changes.  At least for me it hasn't been.  And, I'm glad.  Because I finally had to start listening.  As I listened to the pain from the kidney stones and the fatigue from anemia, etc., I learned to respond to my body's needs more readily.  This is an area I'm still learning about and working on.... I sometimes don't read or hear the signals well and/or I simply ignore them and keep on going.  But, I'm learning to submit and rest.  It is amazing what rest does for the body-- the brain re-energizes, the body can move again, etc. 

According to an article in yesterday's paper (Chattanooga Times Free Press), rest and excercise go hand in hand.  "Poll Shows Strong Link Between Excercise and Sleep"

Taking care of my body, taking care of your body IS important.  If we are not in good shape, in good health, it is difficult for us to do what we are called to do here on this planet. 

In Ruth Haley Barton's Sacred Rhythms: Arranging Our Lives for Spiritual Transformation, she devotes a chapter to the body: "Honoring the Body: Flesh-and-Blood Spirituality".  She opens the chapter with these words: "Surprisingly enough, it was in the process of staying faithful to the spiritual journey that I first began to face my profound ambivalence about life in a body." (78)  After sharing what she had not been doing, she shares: "I needed specific guidance for how to care for my body as a part of my spiritual practice and as preparation for the rigors of the spiritual journey into which I was being invited." (79) 

Taking care of the body is a part of the spiritual journey.  Even though I first read these words by Barton in 2007 and I have been made aware of this fact at every Academy session over the past two years, for some reason, it easily slips back into somewhere else in my consciousness, if I will allow it.  I must be intentional in reminding myself that taking care of my body is an integral part of the spiritual journey and therefore I must be intentional in doing those things that are good and right for my body.  Taking care of my body is as much of a spiritual practice as is praying, reading the Scriptures, etc.  In fact, let's be honest.  I am not able to do anything unless my body and mind are in good condition.  So, why wouldn't I put that as a top priority in my spiritual practices?!?!  Why does it slip and fall as a priority?  Well, again, in honesty, there are other spiritual practices that slip and fall as priority too.  It takes intentionality.  It takes focus.  And, it takes reminders.  Accountability and community come in handy too.

It's not an easy topic to deal with.  It's almost one of those 'pink elephants in the room' type topics.  But, our bodies are what we have to live in, what we have to work with.    Little by little, there is hope for progress on these fronts.

Frank and Ernest lightly point out the physical and spiritual side of this issue.

It made me think.  Thank you Frank and Ernest, thank you Thaves for jogging my thoughts toward the importance of honoring my body and taking care of it as a spiritual practice.

Once again, the comics have helped me learn a spiritual lesson. 

Maybe you already have this spiritual practice down and/or it's simply not an issue in your life for other reasons.  If you'd like to think through it more, I encourage you to check out Ruth Haley Barton's book that I mentioned above and her chapter on the topic as a starting place. 

Blessings on your journey,

~Debra