Falling Upward-- round 2

I first read Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life by Richard Rohr in 2012.  I thought maybe I had blogged about it, but I hadn't.  I only mentioned it in passing as I book I had finished in a June 2012 post.  I guess the time to write about it never came to fruition. 

Five years later I find myself re-reading this book for a book club. It has been good to re-read it.  I finished it this morning.  This time I will make some time to write out some thoughts, reflections, and share some quotes.

Where to start?  I think I will jump around.  Chapter 11 is entitled "The Shadowlands" and talks about the shadow self and doing shadow work as part of growth.  This is the work we must do to deal with our false selves so that we get back to our true selves.  Most often in life we put on masks for protection or identity and don't even realize they have become a part of us.  I started taking off masks a while back, learning to be in the out of comfort zone. But it wasn't until I attended the 2 Year Academy that  I  heard the term "false self" in comparison with "true self".  Bob Mulholland's book The Deeper Journey: The Spirituality of Discovering Your True Self helped put words to what I had lived out in experience in the years from 1998-2000.   Learning to live into our true selves, growing through the shadow shelf, and shadowboxing is a life-long process.  There always seems to be some work to be done.  Yet, I have found terms over the years and explanations for things.  I have also seen growth.

One of the biggest things in Rohr's book is the reminder that we don't mature automatically in the 2nd half of life.  Nor is the 2nd half of life necessarily a chronological half. 

Toward the end of the book, Rohr mentions having watched a documentary of Helen Keller and that she entered her second half of life early in her first half of life (154).  Rohr mentioned earlier in the book that pain, disease, or other difficult situations often were what helped people along into their second half of life. For Keller, Rohr noted that her focus was on serving others and not being limited by her limitations (154). 

Rohr notes that in the hero and heroine stories  the pattern is that there is some wounding on the journey. "There is always a wounding; and the great epiphany is that the wound becomes the secret key, even "sacred," a wound that changes them dramatically, which, by the way, is the precise meaning of the wounds of Jesus!" (18-19)

When we are wounded in life, be it physical, emotional or other wound, can we allow those wounds to become part of our healed and whole self?  That is the mark of the second half.  When life is opened up bigger and wider because of our wounds and experiences and we are able to use them for good, for wholeness, for reconciliation, for healing.

Toward the end of the book, Rohr writes, "Whole people see and create wholeness wherever they go; split people see and create splits in everything and everything and everybody.  By the second half of our lives, we are meant to see in wholes and no longer in parts.  Yet we get to the whole by falling down into the messy parts-- so many times, in fact, that we long and thirst for the wholeness and fullness of all things, including ourselves. I promise you this unified field is the only and lasting meaning of up." (151)  That first sentence reminded me of a phrase I've heard Mark Davis speak over the years and I've quoted it, as have others: "Hurt people hurt people and healed people heal people."

Besides what I've shared already, Rohr mentions solitude, silence, both-and thinking, "double belonging" (among many other things) that resonate with me. 

Rohr says this about both-and thinking or "nondualistic thinking": "It is almost the benchmark of our growth into the second half of life.  More calm and contemplative seeing does not appear suddenly, but grows almost unconsciously over many years of conflict, confusion, healing, broadening, loving, and forgiving reality.  It emerges gradually as we learn to "incorporate the negative," learn from what we used to exclude, or, as Jesus put it, "forgive the enemies" both within and without." (146)

How did my 2nd half of life begin?  When?  I think it likely started in 1993 with my brother's car accident and the traumatic situation surrounding that.  Then, with life's other situations of divorce, pregnancy, and trying to navigate all that, I think I hit the 2nd half of life in my mid 30s.  That was the beginning of the time of deconstruction and reconstruction for me.  SOULfeast, the 5 Day Academy,  the 2 Year Academy, and seminary have helped me grow in my faith journey.

God continues to work in me, teaching me, growing me, showing me the deeper faith journey. 

I hope to keep learning and growing because I have much to learn.

Rohr writes, "If you are on course at all, your world should grow much larger in the second half of life."  I hope and pray this to be true.

Blessings on your journey,

Debra

"Healing the Wounds"-- sermon preached at Grace UMC and Fairview UMC on March 15

Fairview UMC

 Yesterday I had the opportunity to preach 2 sermons in one morning.  Though I have done that before in one church several times, I have never done that where you preach in one church and go to another one.  And, in this case, you leave immediately after the service ends and get to the next one.  It was odd to not stay and visit with folks, but they are accustomed to that. 

I am part of a group of folks filling in for the pastor who is on leave for two months to take care of her beautiful new son.  For me this is a great opportunity to not only preach, but experience what a 2 point charge feels like on a Sunday morning.

The first church was Grace UMC in Soddy Daisy, a former home church for me.  It has been about 6 years since we worshiped there.  I first went there in December 2000.  I got back into leadership in that church.  I started seminary while in that church.  I preached a couple of times there.  Being back there at this stage of my journey was meaningful for me and I shared that.  God has raised up quite a few folks into lay and ordained ministry through that church and it is powerful to recognize that.  My leadership skills in ministry were started there.

Though I hadn't planned to do the children's message there, I had one planned for the next church and mentioned that and was able to do it there.  That was neat.  I haven't done a children's message in a while and it definitely keeps one on their toes and going with the flow and the Spirit.  It went well.  The hardest part was doing a simple prayer at the end because they repeat everything you say.  I was thinking very carefully during that to keep it simple.

It was good to be back at Grace UMC for worship, to see folks we knew and to meet new folks.  I was blessed and encouraged by being with them again.

After preaching at Grace UMC, it was time to drive up to Fairview UMC.  I have preached at Fairview UMC about a handful of times over the past several years.   It's a wonderful community of folks that make you feel at home.  We got up there a few minutes before the service started so I was able to settle in a bit and get oriented.  Though it wasn't as much time as it would have been if I hadn't been coming from preaching elsewhere, the time was adequate. 

The only thing I noted in preaching back to back services like that yesterday is that I didn't have as much time to decompress, empty out, and fill back up again with the Holy Spirit prior to the beginning of the service.  But, that is what the prelude and worship did for me.

The prelude was perfect.  It was a recorded song that I recognized and immediately spoke to me.  I was able to enter into worship and prepare.  As we sang our songs of worship and prayed as community, I continued to be filled up.

It was a blessing to be with the Fairview community again yesterday.  They are always welcoming and kind.

Here is the written sermon from which I preached.  It's not exact to what was said in either church, but it gives you an idea.  The sermon was recorded because it will be used for my preaching class assignment. I may post that later.

Blessings on your journey,

Debra

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"Healing the Wounds"

Grace and Fairview UMC

March 15, 2015

Today is the 4th Sunday of Lent and we continue our journey toward Easter.  Today's Scripture passage takes us to a section of the Israelites' journey as they wander through the wilderness.  Before we look at today's passage, let's get a little background.

The Israelites are at Mount Hor which borders the land of Edom.  In Numbers 20 we learn that Moses' brother Aaron has recently died on Mount Hor and Israel mourned his death for 30 days.

Previously on the journey out of Egypt the Israelite people rebelled against Moses and Aaron. They complained and quarreled about what they were eating, that they had left Egypt, that they had no water etc.  They mentioned that they would have been better off if they had stayed in Egypt. (three examples--Numbers 11:1-6; Numbers 14:1-4; Numbers 20: 2-13)

In Numbers 20:14-21 we learn that the Israelites attempted to pass through the land of Edom but they were refused passageway and forced to travel a longer route around to the Red Sea.  The wilderness area that they were forced to travel was a more difficult path, was hot and barren, and had narrow and steep ravines.  

With this background in mind, let's look at today's passage together of God's word:

Numbers 21:4-9 (NRSV)

⁴ From Mount Hor they set out by the way to the Red Sea, to go around the land of Edom; but the people became impatient on the way. ⁵ The people spoke against God and against Moses, “Why have you brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? For there is no food and no water, and we detest this miserable food.” ⁶ Then the Lord sent poisonous serpents among the people, and they bit the people, so that many Israelites died. ⁷ The people came to Moses and said, “We have sinned by speaking against the Lord and against you; pray to the Lord to take away the serpents from us.” So Moses prayed for the people. ⁸ And the Lord said to Moses, “Make a poisonous serpent, and set it on a pole; and everyone who is bitten shall look at it and live.” ⁹ So Moses made a serpent of bronze, and put it upon a pole; and whenever a serpent bit someone, that person would look at the serpent of bronze and live.

LEADER: This is the Word of God for the people of God.

PEOPLE:  Thanks be to God.

Almost immediately after Israelites set off on their journey once again, they became impatient.  They weren't happy that they had to go the long way around.  They spoke against God and Moses and started complaining once again.  Those grumpy, grumbling Israelites.  What's with them, anyway?

If you've ever been stuck in traffic, had to take a detour route, or simply been on a long journey, maybe you can relate.  This past week there have been two major accidents causing delays and rerouting around the Chattanooga area:  (1) a mudslide on Lookout Mountain has closed Nick-A-Jack Road for the week, causing folks to drive a longer route up and around the mountain to get to their homes and to Camp Lookout and (2) a tractor trailer accident in the median on I-75 caused delays on both the interstate and alternate routes for hours.  I imagine impatience and complaining were among the responses to both of these incidents. 

In the background from Numbers 11, 14, and 20 we learned that the Israelites had a history of complaining when things didn't go their way.  Here they are again.  They are complaining about being taken out of Egypt (which was in truth being set free from slavery in Egypt).  The very next words of complaint out of their mouths are: "there is no food and no water, and we detest this miserable food." (v.5)  If we looked at other translations, we would see that they are saying there is no "bread" and they are complaining about the manna.  Numbers 11 also records complaints about manna.  

Remember that they were very grateful for the manna at one time, when they were starving in the wilderness without sustenance (Exodus 16).  But now the manna is no longer satisfying their wants and they consider it "miserable".  The Israelites also complain about not having water here, but they just experienced the situation with Moses bringing forth water from the rock (Numbers 20).  How quickly they forgot the blessings and provisions upon becoming tired, hungry, and thirsty.

But it isn't just them, is it?  When we become tired, hungry, and thirsty, our impatience begins to show and our complaining comes through.  Like the Israelites, we can quickly forget the recent blessings and provisions we experienced or received.

Back to Numbers 21 and the Israelites.

They are complaining to Moses about being in the wilderness and the lack of food and water.  Before Moses has a chance to address their needs as leader, God steps in.  This isn't the first time that God had heard the people complain.  God's response to them?  God sends poisonous snakes among them.  The snakes bite the people and many of them die.  

I don't know about you, but when I see God's response to the Israelites, I don't let out an "Amen".  My response is more "Ouch" or "Oops."  God's response here is an attention getter.  It is surprising.  It worked.  

The Israelites realize their error pretty quickly and go to Moses, saying in verse 7: "we have sinned by speaking against the LORD and against you; pray to the LORD to take away the serpents from us."   The wilderness, the lack of water, and that nasty manna don't seem so miserable any more.  The Israelites have been shown dramatically what matters most to them and they have a change of mind and heart.

Moses prayed on behalf of the people and the LORD responded to Moses to make a serpent and put it up on a pole.  Those who are bitten can look at it and live.  Moses did as he was directed, making a bronze serpent and putting it on a pole.  Whenever someone was bit by a serpent, they could look up at the bronze serpent and live.  

In God's grace, God provided a way out for the people.  Even after all their complaining, God met them where they were and provided a way of healing for them.  It wasn't just a healing for their wounds, but a full healing of their woundedness.  Because of God's love and God's grace, they were allowed to live.  The Israelites repented of their sin and God provided a way of healing and wholeness for them.  That reveals God's love and grace for the people.

Can you think of another example in Scripture where God showed love and grace to undeserving people?  How many are so familiar with John 3:16 that you don't even need to look it up?

Let's hear it: "For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life."(NRSV)

You might not be as familiar with the verses preceding verse 16.  Look with me at John 3:14-15:

¹⁴ And just as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, so must the Son of Man be lifted up, ¹⁵ that whoever believes in him may have eternal life.

Because of God's love for the world, God provided a way for all of us to have healing. God provided a way for us to live through Christ.

The Israelites experienced wounds because of their complaining in the wilderness.  Though our wilderness journey is not likely a physical journey through a difficult land like that of the Israelites, it might be.  Or it might be some other aspect of difficulty.  In life on the journey we may find ourselves tired, hungry, and thirsty like the Israelites.  We might begin to complain in our worn out state and woundedness.  

When we find ourselves bitten by the snakes of this world and require healing, there is a wounded healer to whom we can go for healing.  

Henri Nouwen has written a book, the Wounded Healer and shares thoughts on "Wounded Healers" in his devotional Bread for the Journey.  Hear these words from Nouwen: 

"Nobody escapes being wounded.  We are all wounded people, whether physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually.  The main question is not "How can we hide our wounds?" so we don't have to be embarrassed but "How can we put our woundedness in the service of others?" When our wounds cease to be a source of shame and become a source of healing, we have become wounded healers.

            Jesus is God's wounded healer.  Through his wounds we are healed.  Jesus' suffering and death brought joy and life.  His humiliation brought glory; his rejection brought a community of love.  As followers of Jesus we can also allow our wounds to bring healing to others." (July 8)

Jesus Christ is the Wounded Healer to whom we can look and live.  In God's grace and love, our wounds can be healed and we can continue the journey.

As the Israelites were instructed to lift their eyes up to the bronze serpent upon the pole to be healed, may we lift our eyes up to the Lord, the Savior, the author and sustainer of life. 

Will you pray with me?

#335 (Book of Worship)

Everlasting God,

because of your tender mercy toward all people, you sent your Son, our Savior Jesus Christ, to take upon himself our flesh and to suffer death upon the cross, that all should follow the example of his great humility.  

Mercifully grant that we may follow the example of his patience and also be made partakers of his resurrection; through the same Jesus Christ our Lord.  Amen.

(The Book of Common Prayer, U.S.A., 20th Cent., Alt.)

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Benediction:

May the God of the wilderness be with us as we wander through the desert of our lives.

May God keep us from being impatient and complaining

and walk with us as we learn to live as wounded healers.  Amen. 

(adapted from Donna Sinclair's prayer #19 in Worship & Song)

Grace UMC sanctuary

laughing Jesus, on the wall in the prayer room at Grace UMC

stained glass window at Grace UMC in prayer room

A quote about prayer and peace leading into the 2nd Sunday of Easter....

In today's reading of A Guide to Prayer For All God's People (red book), a quote by Catherine de Hueck Doherty on page 156 stood out to me.  I have written about one of her quotes on spiritual growth before in a blogpost from December  27, 2011.

This quote started off about prayer, but led into peace, and ended up with wounds.  It is a profound quote that touches me deeply. 

As I walk into this 2nd week of Easter, there are many things swirling around in my life.  I have my final weekend of worship class at the end of this week.  Before I can get there, I have quite a bit of reading and other coursework to finish.

But that's not the main thing on my heart, mind, and soul.  There is a situation in life that continues to escalate and unravel before my eyes.  Prayer is the only thing within my control at this point.  If I'm honest with myself and others, the outcome isn't looking good.  For me to keep in control, I'm having to let go, over and over..... to submit to the One who can control this.... and trust.   There is peace for me, even in the midst of uncertainty and concern.  That peace runs deep, thankfully. 

It is within this context that I read this quote this morning:

"Where does the life in prayer lead?  Toward the end of the journey inward, after one has met Christ and shared his cross, one enters a strange land of loneliness.  Peace seems to precede it.  I think that it is the peace that comes through having been crucified.  There is a moment of resurrection, as if one has been taken off the cross.  The wounds are not healed, but they no longer hurt."  --From Soul of My Soul by Catherine de Hueck Doherty

I don't know if there is anything in this quote for you today.  Read it over a few times.  What words or phrases stand out to you?  Where do they meet you on your journey?

For me the words and phrases that stand out are: life in prayer, journey inward, land of loneliness, peace, resurrection, wounds not healed, but no longer hurt. 

If there isn't anything in this quote, maybe you'll want to check out the other post I wrote on another one of her quotes and included links about her (linked above).

As I walk into the Easter Season on this 2nd week of Easter, heading toward the 2nd Sunday of Easter, I pray that I may be open to hear and see and experience what the Wounded Healer might be attempting to teach me.

Blessings on your journey,

Debra