Camp Reunion Weekend in Mentone, AL

I just finished a camp reunion weekend in Mentone, AL and I am so glad I went. It meant missing today's Chattanooga Pride parade and booth (representing PFLAG Chattanooga), but that's what all the other "PFLAGers" are for... and they represented well! (I know this because a few photos have been sent my way.)

I was reminded this weekend how much camp days shaped my life-- my being, my character, my leadership. Camp helped me be who I was created to be and to accept others for who they are.

My last summer at camp was 1985. I skipped 1984 to do a study abroad in Spain (no regrets, though it would have been cool to be in both places because 1984 was year 1 at Saddle Rock),

I couldn't quite remember if 1972 or 1973 was my first year at Camp Skyline, but I wrote '73 on a previous alumnae weekend. That means I did 10 years at Camp Skyline. My counselor years were as formative (if not more than) as my camper years. I did the typical CIT (Counselor in Training), Jr. Counselor, Counselor route. I was Head of Archery at both camps toward the end of my camp career. I helped with swimming, sports, and Project Adventure additionally over the years. 

Though I might not remember tons of details, put me together with twenty something other alumnae and memories flood back. Memories of people, activities, and songs. Last night at the campfire, songs flowed seamlessly from YEARS ago. It has been almost 40 years since I've been at camp. It has been over 50 since I started as a camper. 

It was amazing and beautiful and fun to be with community, family, chosen family this weekend. Being on Lookout Mountain in Mentone, AL is "going home" for me. Dare I write that it's one of my "thin places". Yes, it's true. Because of Morning Watch, vespers, and more, that space is a thin place for me. It's Holy ground, sacred. Not only was I molded and made character wise and leader wise, it played a large role in my faith, my spiritual being. When I return to camp, I am reminded of all that I learned from so many through the years.

A camp reunion weekend isn't only about thinking about the past memories, It's a time to catch up with people, to encourage and support one another. Depending on which reunions we have attended, we may not have seen each other in 5 to 10 years. If we are luckier than that, it might have only been 3 years.

What is amazing is that the time doesn't matter. The distance doesn't matter. We come together. We pick up where we are. We talk, we share, we sing, we laugh, we cry.....  we build new memories to add to the former ones.

One doesn't think of Morning Watch without thinking of Ellen Roberts. On Saturday morning she offered us words of insight, encouragement, and exhortation. Because there were many who weren't able to make it this year, Morning Watch was recorded. Her message of "joy" was a gift to us.

heart rock found at Morning Watch. I looked down during the prayer and BAM! #SeeAHeartShareAHeart

Marty Griffin, our camp director attended. Marty was not only director but "boss" for those of us who worked under us as counselors. We learned much from her over the years and continue to learn from her at these reunions. "Make up your bed; make up your mind." is one saying that most all remember and live by. By her example and her words, she has taught us much, not the least are these two; to be strong women and that we can do difficult things.

Marlee gifted us with leading us in singing around the campfire last night as she played the guitar. 

I had been asked to share at the campfire on the last night. I spent some time prior to the weekend reflecting on what that might look like. I found something by e.e. cummings in my Earth Gospel book by Sam Hamilton-Poore and decided to share it. I felt led to give a brief introduction about us coming together, being in creation, sharing bonds that cross time and distance, then share the e.e. cummings lines. After that I would open up the space with an invitation for people to share thankfulness. It was a beautiful time of people sharing gratitude, wisdom, their hearts. 

The e.e. cummings lines were from Week One, Midday prayer, p. 51: 

i thank You God for most this amazing

day; for the leaping greenly spirits of trees

and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything

which is natural which is infinite which is yes

On my drive today from Mentone to Gallant, from one camp to another (Riverview to Camp Sumatanga), I reflected on my weekend time.

One person shared at the campfire that they appreciated being accepted and welcomed by the community, that there can be a little bit of fear or nervousness in coming into a situation like this when you haven't been around people for a while. I may not be expressing the words exactly as they shared it, but I get it. In the back of my head, thoughts about fitting in, acceptance, etc. rattled around. 

Being vulnerable, taking a risk, getting out of one's comfort zone... it's worth the effort. Truly. Because when one does that, it becomes easier to be and live into one's uniquely created self.

Let me personalize that.

When I am vulnerable, take a risk, and get out of my comfort zone... it's worth the effort. Truly. Because when I do that, it becomes easier for me to be and to live into my uniquely created self. 

If that resonates with you at all, re-read it for yourself, recognizing that the "I" is now really your voice, speaking to yourself.

Vulnerability and risk aren't easy, but we can do hard things.

Hard things will help us learn and grow.

They will help us make memories and strengthen the bonds of relationships that we have.

I am grateful for all those who planned and executed this weekend reunion. I am grateful for all those who came. I am grateful for all those who impacted my life over the 11 years of camp. I am grateful for the friendships I have within this community, this family of camp friends.

"We were strangers for such a long time, but now we're friends 'til the end of time....."

May there be joy on the journey!

Debra

P.S. One of the things we did was tour Camp Skyline. I jumped on the rope swing. I didn't get a picture of that, but I think others did. I may add that later. :)

I did find a photo of me in the dining hall in a frame with other memorabilia. That was cool. It was from one of my counselor years in Brookwood cabin. Ironically, Brookwood was my first cabin as a camper.

Additional Photos from the weekend:

Morning Watch... great start to the day

It has been a few years since I have attended a morning watch in person.  The last one I attended was a camp reunion at Riverview in 2012. (Sadly, I missed this last November's reunion.) During the weekend reunion we had morning watch, a time of morning devotion, led by Ellen Roberts. 

Ellen Roberts leading morning watch at the reunion

Morning Watch area at Riverview Camp for Girls, Mentone, AL

What a treat that was.  Whether we were former campers, counselors, both, director, or other staff, morning watch with Ellen was a an integral part of camp life.  Every morning before breakfast, you could go to Morning Watch and get a word of encouragement, some daily bread.  I really never knew how meaningful and important those times were for me growing up.  I didn't realize that by setting aside a few moments in the morning to center myself and focus for the day, I was being prepared for the day. 

Honestly, I was just trying to get ready as fast as I could in the mornings, get out of the cabin and into the woods.  That's where morning watch was.  In the woods.  Benches (or old logs) set up in semi-circle fashion.  Nothing fancy.  But a space set apart. 

this sign wasn't there back in my day

Morning Watch at Camp Skyline (2012)

Space and time set apart to start the day.

That is something I learned early on in my life as a camper at camp and it has been a tremendous blessing to me.  I haven't always used mornings to carve out space and time for that reflection, but it is something I have come back to over the years.  I do find that my morning time allows me to center myself and prepare for the day.

Yesterday as I was on the patio reading through some different blogs, listening to the waterfall and the birds, I came across Ellen Robert's post.  It wasn't until later that I realized I had sat through Morning Watch with Ellen.  What I knew at the time is that those words touched me, much like many of the words she shared day after day, year after year during those morning watch times at camp.  This is a gifted woman of God who cares deeply for God and others and that investment has had a tremendous ripple effect.

Here is what Ellen wrote on July 7 at 2:02pm:

"Moments Like These. I don’t remember anything about the devotional message itself, but the title captivated me. I’m sure there are all kinds of moments that stand out in your mind…the most frightening or exciting or happiest or most rewarding. But what comes to my mind are the moments that have been the most meaningful, the most God-aware, the most peaceful…moments that connected me with people and God and that often taught me profound truths.

I remember walking on the beach in Panama City and realizing for the first time that there was no need to fear death, that heaven was assured. It was something I had known intellectually, but in that moment I felt the magnitude of that truth to my core. Blessed assurance….

I remember sitting atop a large rock on the ski slope overlooking camp, the cabins and children and activities in a distance, their sounds muffled so that I heard only the occasional sound of a door slamming shut or the bell ringing. I was absorbed instead by the fading of daylight and the illumination of the sky with stars. I remember taking in the beauty and peacefulness of that moment and the closeness of God and thinking that, if only I could come there every day, I could always keep things in perspective. Sometimes I still try to go there in my mind when the stresses of the day wear on me.

I remember what it’s like for 200 people to sit quietly on the river’s edge after dark, lit candles floating in the river and the voices of familiar songs slowing approaching. Those moments were filled with togetherness and meaning and holiness.

I remember times of deep sharing and prayer and the fellowship that comes with loving and trusting and appreciating those that God brings into one’s life. They are fireside moments and summer retreats and other shared moments in which God knit hearts and helped us grow.
I remember moments when God spoke…not the vague “I think this is what God is telling me” messages, but the rare times of certainty as His message, while not audible, was nonetheless loud and clear.

There are so many more. I know you have your own, and there may be some we have shared. It helps me to think back on moments like these, as they are reminders of the goodness and sacredness of life and, most assuredly, of the presence and faithfulness of God."

As I finished reading Ellen's writing, I looked up at the morning sky.  I noticed the clouds above me looked like they were in the formation of God's hand.  That's what they looked like to me.  I adore clouds anyway and enjoy shapes.  I have seen a hand in clouds a time or two before. 

I snapped a picture of the clouds and wrote my own thoughts for the morning:

"As I look up from my coffee and reading, I see these clouds. As I have just read Ellen Roberts' reflection on God, these clouds strike me as being formed as the hand of God above me. It may not look like a hand to anyone else, but as I continue to watch it, I see it. God's hand is over me. Blessed assurance." (July 8, 7:04am)

As I continue to grow in my faith journey, as life continues to press in around me, I know the importance of making space and time for pauses, for reflection.  These are the moments that allow us to redirect, refill, refresh, refocus.  We may need them more often than once a day in the morning.  There are days that I need pause moments much more frequently to hear the One Voice over the clanging of the many others in life. 

But, oh, a day like yesterday, just brought it all together for me in many ways.  Not only did I get a wonderful blessing from Ellen Roberts, a Morning Watch via Facebook (which she does quite often in her writings still), but I also got a visual reminder that God is Creator, God is present.

In addition, I was reminded that those things that we do early in our lives take deep root.  Even when we are unaware what is truly going on at the time, those things sink in to the depths of our being.  I am grateful for those camp days and Morning Watch.  

We also had evening campfire times with songs and we had church time on Sundays, but this blog post is about Morning Watch.  Overall, camp time played a big part of my spiritual foundation and formation.   Who would have ever thought that the kid who was in Brookwood cabin that first summer at Camp Skyline (in 197?), who put their clothes on the end of the bed and got dressed quietly before everyone else got up, and then made up the bed, did chores, and headed off to Morning Watch would one day become a pastor?!?!  Not me.

Our lives are a marvelous journey.  I am grateful for Ellen Roberts for having planted so many seeds of life along the way in mine and that she continues to offer Morning Watch to us.

Blessings on your journey,

Debra

Centering Prayer Workshop at St. Mary's Sewanee

   

 

It couldn't have been a more gorgeous day to be up on the mountain at St. Mary's yesterday for the Centering Prayer Workshop.  The sky was clear and sunny and there were nice breezes.  Though indoors primarily, I was able to enjoy the outdoors and view upon my arrival, walking to the conference room (the new building), to lunch, and back to my car at the end of the workshop.

It is always peaceful at St. Mary's.  A place I can breathe in and breathe out, deepening my breathing and restoring my rhythm.  I've only been up there now 3 times, but it seems like many more times.  The women's "Captivating" retreat we held there a couple of years ago, the Lenten 1/2 day retreat last Spring, and then yesterday's Centering Prayer Workshop.

Yesterday's workshop was led by Rev. Margaret Marshall.  There were a total of 18 participants, 5 male and 13 female, from GA, TN, and AL.  The group was mixed with some never having experienced/practiced centering prayer and some having done so and having met with a group locally.  Some of us were there because we weren't ready to jump into the 3 day or the 8 day silent retreat just yet, but the workshop day was the perfect springboard.

The workshop was a wonderful breath of fresh air for me.  Not only did we practice Centering Prayer twice during our time together, but the teaching time about Centering Prayer and discussion was helpful too.  In addition, the time of fellowship around the awesome fresh baked blueberry muffins upon our arrival and the table fellowship at lunch were wonderful!  Lunch time table fellowship centered around gazpacho soup (something I have been craving for a while), red quinoa with avocado, etc. salad, homemade pimento cheese sandwiches, and shortbread cookies.   Edifying conversations around healthy food.... what could be better?!?!

One of the resources we received at the workshop is "The Method of Centering Prayer: The Prayer of Consent" brochure by Thomas Keating.  It can be found and downloaded at the Contemplative Outreach Website by clicking this link.  There are versions of the brochure in other languages under "Documents" as you scroll down the page. 

If you live in the United States and are looking for connections within the Contemplative Outreach group, you can search by state and city by clicking on this link.  This is how I found the group I attend locally and I have also contacted groups in other locations when I am going to travel.

If you live outside the United States, there is a link for you too.  Click here to find out what might be available in your area.

Psalm 46:10--"Be still and know that I am God" is the verse used on the brochure and was the verse used in the workshop.  It is a verse that has been in my life for quite a few years now, as I have mentioned in the past.  Becoming still in order to listen to God continues to be a challenge for me and I know it will be an ongoing challenge.  But, what a gift yesterday to myself, to take time to get apart, to be still, to be quiet, and to be able to listen.  

I haven't been able to make the Centering Prayer group locally in several months.  I have missed the group time of centering prayer.  There is definitely something to coming together in community and praying, even praying silently that deepens one's relationship with God, even when one doesn't fully know what work is being or has been done at the time.  The times of centering prayer in yesterday's workshop made me realize that I need to find and make a way in my schedule to get back as soon as possible to the group because it has become a sacred place for me and I miss it.

There were other things that came out of yesterday that were moments of surprise.... one was seeing a friend's nametag on the table upon my arrival.  That was a fun surprise to see her name, but I knew she had signed up for the July workshop, so I knew I wasn't likely to see her there.  Other surprises came out in conversation.... several connections to Camp Skyline through former campers and their children ☺; a woman's son who attended UGA for Forestry who now teaches at the university in Starkville, MS (my grandfather was State Forester in GA back in the day); conversations about places to go and stay on retreats, such as the Abbey in KY; etc.

Carving out time in my week for the centering prayer workshop was well worth the time, the drive, the cost. 

Investing in deepening my relationship with the One who created me and knows me best is always a solid investment.  Having said that, the results of deepening this relationship aren't always easy to understand or even to accomplish.  Just as all relationships require time, effort, and energy, so does the relationship with the One who knows me best. 

I hope to take the new resources I've learned about at the workshop and use them on my adventurous journey.

If you find something helpful here in this post for your journey, cool.  It's okay if you didn't.

Blessings on your journey,

Debra

P.S.

If you'd like to attend the next Centering Prayer Workshop at St. Mary's, it is on July 26 and will be led by Rev. Tom Ward.  Learn more about it here.

For the Middle Tennessee newsletter of Centering Prayer, click here.

Resting in the palm of God's Hand

Tree at Camp Dixie, dd 5/16/13

Yesterday was the retreat at Camp Dixie that I had been planning for the Thursday Bible Study I facilitate.  I would not have been able to pull it off without the help of other hands and feet. ☺  It was a blessed time of being apart at a beautiful location.  Though the morning started off a little cloudy, the sun came out and a breeze moved through.

The theme:  "Time Apart:  Sitting at the Feet of Jesus".  We looked at Jesus taking time apart for prayer and spiritual renewal and his rhythm of "being" and "doing" and then looked at Martha and Mary and how we could learn from their examples of "being" and "doing".

During the 2nd reflection time, I noticed the above tree from the backside and ventured over to it.  After looking it over for a moment, I decided it was climbable.  I was feeling a little anxious, though I couldn't tell you why and the closer I am to God's creation, the calmer I usually am.  So, I climbed up into the branches and leaned into the branch on the right.  As I gazed upon the waters, I became calmer.  My spirit began to rest once again.

I came down and went inside for my camera.  Came back out, climbed back up and took some pictures. ☺  More calmness.  Breathe in, breathe out.  It was now time for me to ring the chimes to bring everyone back from reflection time.

Though I thought about the tree looking like the palm of a hand and even labeled it thus in my photo album, it wasn't until an Academy friend pointed out that it could be the palm of "His" hand, that a light bulb went off in my head (I can be slow sometimes.) 

When I climbed up into the palm of my Creator's hand, I was able to rest and enjoy the creation around me.  Whatever was disturbing my spirit melted away into calmness.  What a gift.  Cool.  Neat. 

"God's got this." Whatever it is/was that was disturbing me?!?  God has it. 

At one of the prayer stations was a set of hands with a tiny bird inside.  Another example of resting in the palm of God's hands. 

 

 

I think of a song that Polly Cameron sang at Camp Skyline during camp days.... the line that sticks out?  "He will hold you in the palm of His hand."  The song is "On Eagle's Wings" and it was one of my many favorites that Polly sang.

 

The lyrics to the song:

 

You who dwell in the shelter of the Lord
Who abide in His shadow for life
Say to the Lord
"My refuge, my rock in whom I trust!"

And He will raise you up on eagles' wings
Bear you on the breath of dawn
Make you to shine like the sun
And hold you in the palm of His hand.

The snare of the fowler will never capture you
And famine will bring you no fear
Under His wings your refuge
His faithfulness your shield.

And He will raise you up on eagles' wings
Bear you on the breath of dawn
Make you to shine like the sun
And hold you in the palm of His hand.

You need not fear the terror of the night
Nor the arrow that flies by day
Though thousands fall about you
Near you it shall not come.

And He will raise you up on eagles' wings
Bear you on the breath of dawn
Make you to shine like the sun
And hold you in the palm of His hand.

For to His angels He's given a command
To guard you in all of your ways
Upon their hands they will bear you up
Lest you dash your foot against a stone.

And He will raise you up on eagles' wings
Bear you on the breath of dawn
Make you to shine like the sun
And hold you in the palm of His hand...

 

 

This song was written by Michael Joncas in 1979.  It is published in 21 hymns.  For a little bit of information about the song and the author, check out this link from Hymnary.

 

I rested yesterday in the palm of God's hand.  Resting gives us strength.  Taking time to be apart gives us strength as we allow the time and space to listen to God speak into our lives. 

 

May each of us take some time to rest, to gain strength from the Creator and to allow ourselves the time and space to listen.

 

Blessings on your journey,

 

Debra

Stepping out in faith, out of my comfort zone...the refiner's fire

I talk about it quite a bit, I encourage others to do it all the time.  But, when it comes down to me doing it, well, let's say it's a little more difficult.  Even a tad-bit nerve-wracking.  Surprise?!?!  It's true, I do have a limit to my comfort zone.  Even though I'm adventurous and a risk-taker, I have my limits.  Or, at least it takes me a while to go beyond those limits.  Sometimes limits are set by my personal fears-- fears of not being able to do it all or do it well.  Sometimes the limits are not fear-based, but trust based, or lack there of. 

I've known this time was coming.  I've talked about it in the past.  But, it's here.  I'm embarking on several new adventures, all at once.  And, frankly, that's putting me out of my comfort zone. 

I knew Camp Lookout was coming up.  I'm to be a MIR (Minister in Residence) for a week.  I'm excited to be going back to camp.  I grew up in camps since I was 6 years old, up until I was 20 years old.  Camp was a HUGE part of my life!  I learned about God, relationships, sharing, how to do many activities, how to teach, how to take care of campers, etc.  Now, as an adult, I get to go back.  Yet, in a different role.  This time, I'm Ellen.  Now, for you Camp Skyline old timers, you'll get the reference.  For everyone else, it means I'm the person sharing the devotions.  It's a little scary for me.  I've been reading the Scripture verses and the curriculum, all the while trying to chill and be still as I prepare.

The week following Camp Lookout, I begin my 2 year Academy journey with the bilingual academy.  I'm super excited about that experience as well.  Speaking Spanish, worshiping in Spanish, meeting folks from all over, spending time learning from faculty, getting some silence and solitude time.  Oh, yeah!!  Yet, at the same time, I know this journey is going to change me.  Or, at least I will have the opportunity to change.  How can one not change when traveling an intentional journey of spiritual formation?  And, though I advocate change and growth, I'm a little bit nervous. 

To add to the mix, I've recently accepted the position of Director of Missions at my church.  I'm super excited about this new opportunity, yet nervous about it as well.  The list of expectations on the job description are huge!  There is no way a part time person can do all that.  So, I accepted the position with excitement and a little fear. ☺

I'm okay with fear.  For one, it helps me realize that I'm not in charge, control.  Any one of these things is bigger than me.  Put them together, well... it's definitely time to go through the refiner's fire.  But, wait a minute.  Wasn't I here before?  Why does it seem that I'm always going through the refiner's fire?  It's because I am.  And, it's because I need it.  There is so much iniquity, impurity, dross (whatever term you want to put here), that I need constant purification through the refiner's fire.  Stepping out in faith, out of my comfort zone, into these areas of intentional growth and service are definite ways to ensure that I won't stagnate on the journey.

What about you?  Are you continuing to put yourself into situations that cause you to step out in faith, out of your comfort zone?  Are you allowing the refiner's fire to cleanse you?

I have a long way to go on this journey before I will ever look like the One I am following.  However, I hope to become more like my model each day.

Blessings on your journey,

~Debra

Lyrics to "Refiner's Fire" by Brian Doerksen: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Y8zP34AhuU

Purify my heart
Let me be as gold and precious silver
Purify my heart
Let me be as gold, pure gold

Refiner's fire
My heart's one desire
Is to be holy
Set apart for You, Lord
I choose to be holy
Set apart for You, my Master
Ready to do Your will

Purify my heart
Cleanse me from within
And make me holy
Purify my heart
Cleanse me from my sin
Deep within   

Here Goes.... Faith, Hope, Love.

It's been a few days.  Actually, it's been over a week.  Whew.  That's a long time for me to go without writing.  Well, I have been writing, just not blogging.  I've been writing in my journal.  And, I finished up my "issue/controversy" paper for my polity/discipline course.  It was difficult to streamline that paper to 4 pages.  "3-4 pages maximum" was the requirement.  That didn't give me enough room to even get going. :)  So, I hope to continue the topic in the "big" research paper.  That, plus normal homework, plus my daughter's Spring Break.  Well, it's been a little difficult to find time to sit at the computer and write.

So, what to write?  In a few posts back I mentioned that I had heard several songs on the radio and that I had journaled some things I might share.  I think at least one of those songs will come out in this blog.  Some of the journal might too. 

Ah, I know!  I need to share my new notebook with you!  It's really awesome.  I found it on clearance last week at Target.  It has an old-fashioned typewriter on the front of it with the wording "note to self" above laid out in the old-type keys.  I learned to type on a manual typewriter (in 7th grade, 1977), so this notebook got my attention!  Check it out:

So, that's my new notebook.  I had to have something to write in.  I had actually left home without any way to record writing... no notebook, not even my computer notebook. 

I've been doing quite a bit of reflecting.  In my reflecting, I've realized that I've become more and more passionate as I continue on my journey.  I'm passionate about my personal and spiritual growth as well as passionate about people and helping them learn and grow, whether it is learning a foreign language or helping them along their journey.  I came across a website that listed 20 essential habits of highly passionate people that caught my attention:  http://www.wakeupcloud.com/passionate-habits/.  Interesting reading. 

I've been more intentional since 2006 on my journey as well.  When the call to go "deeper" rumbled within my heart, mind, and soul, I didn't know where it would lead.  I still don't.  I do know that I am on an intentional path to be a follower of Christ-- to learn, to grow, to love God and others, to serve, to be.  I fall short.  I fail.  I seek reconciliation, forgiveness, healing, and restoration.  I get back up.  I continue the journey.  And, knowing that I cannot do it alone, nor am I (or anyone else) called to do it alone, I have attempted to live out my faith journey in community.  

Community can be transient.  I'm being reminded of that these days.  A mentor/friend will be leaving this area in June for the Blue Ridge Mountain area.  Other relationships have just not been the same over the past months.  There is a rumbling underneath the surface.  I'm not sure what is going on.  Why?  For what purpose?  Where have I failed?  What have I done or not done?  I'm reminded of a camp song that we sang at the campfire, especially at the end of the camp session.   I'll have to get my Skyline buddies to help me out.  All I remember is:  

People come, people go

moving fast or moving slow

People come, people go

some leave footprints in the snow

but in the end, you will find, some leave footprints on your mind 

I've probably botched the chorus.  Actually, I know I have.  I'm trying to remember back into the 70's and 80's here.  Where is Polly Cameron and her singing when you need her??  I've googled for lyrics, but can't find them.   

Well, let me get to a song that I've heard recently and one for which I can actually post the lyrics.  This song is "Here Goes" by Bebo Norman.  I've heard it a couple of times in the past week and it resonates within me.

Never got anywhere
By running away
Never learned anything
Without anything
without a mistake
Never loved anyone
By playing it safe
It's a long way down, but
I'm here right now, so...

Here goes nothing,
Here goes everything
Gotta reach for something
or you'll fall for anything
Take a breath,
Take a step,
What comes next
God only knows
But here goes

I don't wanna turn around
and wonder what happened
Never lost and never found
Are one and the same
I wanna run across the battle line
And take my chances
Not the long way 'round
When I'm here right now

Here goes nothing,
Here goes everything
Gotta reach for something
or you'll fall for anything
Take a breath,
Take a step,
What comes next
God only knows
But here goes

Bridge: What good is chance not taken,
What good is life not living,
What good is love not given?

Here goes nothing,
Here goes everything
Gotta reach for something
or you'll fall for anything
Here goes nothing,
Here goes everything
Gotta reach for something
or you'll fall for anything
Take a breath,
Take a step
What comes next
God only knows
But here goes
And God only knows
But here goes

Here goes what?  That's my question.  The song says, "God only knows".  The song resonates with me because I've been doing quite a bit of faith walking and taking those steps.  Steps that have led me back into seminary. Steps that have led me into spiritual direction. Steps that are leading me into a 2 year bilingual academy.  Steps that have led me into blogging.  Steps that are leading me to dive into helping to awaken lay speaking ministry in our district.  Honestly, I feel that I've taken enough faith steps, leaps, and dives.  My trust falls and trust dives have gotten a tremendous workout.  So, why does this song resonate within my heart, mind, and soul?  Why does it feel that I'm about to have to trust God even more?!?!

Faith.  Hope.  Love.  The theme for the recent United Methodist Women's (UMW) District retreat (and overall theme for the UMW this year).  It was good to get away to Camp Lookout and have the opportunity to be in Creation and to hear some good teaching, eat some good food, and enjoy some good fellowship.  (I got to apply some of what I had read from the Kevin Witt article that I posted a few posts back.)

Here are some things I got out of the teaching.  Psalm 51 and Psalm 139 were shared (both being important in my life).  The Runaway Bunny was read to us at the last session.  I've written about that book before.  It is a marker in my life. 

Fatih-- deeper self cannot be open to sacred unless it is cleared out and cleansed out. (Psalm 51).  Faith is relationship.  Trusting God to be faithful.   A rock is an image of faith.  Be open to mending as needed.

Hope--attitude.  Hope pulls us through difficult times and is discovered in unexpected places.  Three attitudes support hope: patience, courage, and persistence.   Hope in Hebrew means 'to twist', 'to twine'.  We made "life lines" by braiding three strands of yarn together.   They were put on the altar and we took someone else's lifeline as a reminder of hope.  The oak tree is a symbol of hope as well.  Looking at an acorn and not knowing what it will be exactly like when it grows, we can believe and have hope that it will grow.  What might this oak tree look like in 5, 10, 15 years?  What will I look like??  Nurture hope in self and others.

Love--going through losses, losing one's heart.  What are my treasures?  What is important to me?  What stuff do we need to throw out that is junking up our hearts?  What do we need to keep?  We lose our hearts at times for a while.  Finding unconditional love.  Love is action.  It has to be given away in order to be received back.  The Runaway Bunny.  God loves us with all of God's being.

It all spoke to me.  It ministered to me.  It provided balm for my soul.  I still don't know where I'm heading.  I still don't have answers to life's situations.  But, I do know that God worked it out for me to be up there on the mountain.  And, I know that God has allowed me to hear not just this song that I've mentioned by Bebo Norman, but others, that have touched me.  

And, all I know to do is to continue on.  I hear Micah 6:8 echoing in my mind: "And what does the Lord require of you?  To act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God."  (that's my not-so-perfect no-major-printed version)

As I continue on my journey, I hope to continue to love God and others well.  I hope to be open to God's love as well as love of others.  I hope to continue living out opportunities to be with the marginalized, the poor, those that are considered "the least, the last, the lost".  I will do my best to journey onward in integrity of who God has created me to be, even when it is painful.  (I'm reading a great book on this: If You Know Who You Are, You'll Know What To Do: Living With Integrity by Ronald J. Greer.  More on this later.)

This seems to be a season of life for me.  As I recently read in John Ortberg's book The Life You've Always Wanted: spiritual disciplines for ordinary people,  I can learn and grow through this season.  Ortberg writes: "Whatever our season of life, it offers its own opportunities and challenges for spiritual growth.  Instead of wishing we were in another season, we ought to find out what this one offers." (54)

So, here goes!  I'm going to live into this season.  It is part of the journey and part of the adventure.  I may feel more like a child than a warrior (Twila Paris), but I will live into life with all the faith, hope, and love that I have.  I've got my Lifeline.  And so, I ask: On belay?  And, I know God will answer:  belay on!

May there be faith, hope, and love on your journey, 

Debra 

Taking a leap of faith.

When I worked as a camp counselor, one of my jobs was working the Ropes Course.  That was FUN!  (I loved archery as well, but there was just something about being in those trees.) 

My last summer as a counselor, I was at a new camp for me, Saddle Rock, in Mentone, AL.   I had missed the previous summer due to a study abroad in Spain.  Prior to that, I had been at the other camp, Camp Skyline.  The kids weren't there yet and we were doing leadership training and bonding (though I didn't know that's what it was called back then) on the ropes course.  We were at the trapeze.   It has been 25 years since then, but I remember it well.  (Speaking of camp and 25 years ago.... I was recently able to visit with Marianne Harvey from camping days.... That was neat.  You should have seen the look on our faces when we both realized it had been 25 years since we had last seen each other.)

It was my turn.  I was standing on the tiny block of wood up in the treetop.  How high?  I don't know exactly.  I would guess it might have been 40 feet up to 60 feet.  I was on belay.  That means that if I fell, someone below had me secured and would lower me down safely.  The trapeze was dangling out in the air beyond reach.  How far out was it?  I don't know.  Far enough to have to jump.  Because the wooden platform on which I stood was right against the tree, there was no such thing as "taking a running jump".  I just had to jump with all my might, from right where I was.  How does it sound so far to you?  I'm not a gutless person.  I had already been doing and teaching ropes courses for several years.  I had rappelled down cliffs, regular and australian-style.  I had done the trust dives and trust falls.  Plus, I was known for doing wacky, goofy things.  (I'm sure that will come as a shock to some!)

So, there I was on that tiny wooden platform, no wider really than the width of my two feet side by side.  My fellow counselors and camp director on the ground and in the trees encouraging me to jump.  Me, with my chicken legs a shaking, taking deep breaths and trying to talk myself into it.  I don't know how long I was up there.  It seemed like forever.  I kept reminding myself that the worst thing that could happen was that I would miss the mark.  And, if I missed the mark, I was on belay and would be safely lowered to the ground.  So, what was the big deal!?!?  Fear.  Fear of failure.  Fear of not making it.  Fear of messing up.  Fear of moving.  Fear that maybe, just maybe, that person didn't really have me safely on belay.

I finally jumped.  I don't know where the strength came from.  But I used all the strength I had in my legs and reached out my hands in faith.  The next thing I knew, I was touching metal.  I had made it.  I was holding on to the trapeze!  YIPPEE!!

   

What leaps of faith have you taken in your life? 

They are risky, aren't they?  But, they are worth the risk!

I'm taking another leap of faith, another risk, another step into a possible adventure. 

While on the 5 Day Academy in October, they talked about an upcoming bilingual 2 Year Academy.  The 2 Year Academy meets throughout the 2 years for 5 days at a time.  The word "bilingual" took my breath, literally.  When I heard the word, a gasp snuck out of me.  I don't know why that happened, but it did.  It was like I was a balloon and just got popped.  There are many barriers to me doing something like this, but it won't go away.  But, I've already applied for my M.Div.-- true.  At first, I thought that things might be an either/or situation.  Now, I'm not so sure.  All that I know is that I am going to take each step as I see it, or as I perceive it.  It's not always a "visible" step. 

Who knows how this leap of faith will turn out?!?!  I hope I'll be holding onto the trapeze when it's all said and done.  We'll see.  Meanwhile, I know that I'm on belay and that I will be lowered safely to the ground.

What is your next leap of faith?

Enjoy and make the most out of the journey!!  It is truly an adventure!

~Debra