Here it is January 19th and we are mid-way through January 2022. Hopes for a declining or ending pandemic are dashed as the infection spreads rapidly. Just today in my corner of the world, I saw a post from news channel 9 that showed a photo with a mask from the local bus system in our county. The article mentions that the Task Force is being reactivated. I don't mind masks. I am glad to wear a mask to protect other people. As a follower of Christ, I am taught that living, loving, and leading IS about the other-- we are to love God and love neighbor. I understand that there are folks who disagree. There are followers of Christ who disagree. And that's okay. Those who lived and ate with Christ didn't always agree on things. There is nothing taught by the Holy Spirit or the written Word (to my knowledge) that says that all followers of Christ must agree.
I am weary. I am weary from the ongoing need to pay attention to statistics. I am weary of reading about people dying-- young and old. I am weary of attempting to hold the tension of the both/and, of the different sides, of riding the middle. I am weary of not being able to move forward with the next. It's not about going back to 'what was' as that cannot be. Much like air travel has not gone back to pre-9/11 days, there are many things that will not "go back" to pre-pandemic days. I'm good with that.
Prior to pandemic days, it was easier to live into liminal space, to paradox, to both/and, etc.
I have had my times of not knowing and Thomas Merton's prayer is an ongoing gift that speaks to me.
My Lord God,
I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
nor do I really know myself,
and the fact that I think I am following your will
does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you
does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road,
though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always though
I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me,
and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.
Yet, there is only so much liminal space that I can absorb. The not knowing can become too much.
I am beginning to hear the Psalmist cry out 'how long, how long?' and cry out with him.
Yet, today, on my walk around the community I saw a sign that read "Don't Give Up". I thought to myself, "Don't Give Up".
I crossed the street to get a photo and when I did, there was a sign that had the words on the opposite side, but they were more faded. That made me chuckle a bit. Here were the same words, the same message, only more faded and worn out. Could it be that even when we are worn out, we can still receive the message of "don't give up"? Definitely something to chew on.
Whether we are reading the worn out sign or the not so worn out sign, here are some things we can NOT give up:
Don't give up doing good.
Don't give up looking at God, loving God, and loving others (as we love ourselves).
As I reflected on the message of the signs, I sat down for some afternoon reading and tea.
I picked up where I had left off in Discernment: a path to spiritual awakening by Rose Mary Dougherty and read this: "Julian's [Julian of Norwich] way of praying for others may be our most effective means of praying for self-knowledge. Perhaps for a time we give up looking at ourselves and keep our eyes focused on God. To look at God is to look at all of creation, seeing the shared God-life of all." (37)
Ah, there IS something we CAN give up--looking at ourselves and our situation. What we DON'T give up on is our focus on God. Isn't that what loving God and neighbor is about-- we focus on God and neighbor, not self or situation.
Dougherty continues, "As we do this, as we see the bigger picture, we also see ourselves in relation to it." (38)
Going back to the Psalmist David who cried out 'how long, how long' in Psalm 13-- David eventually got his focus off himself and back onto God. He gave up looking at himself and his situation and refocused on God.
From readings, from prayers, from reminders from signs and Scriptures, from hot tea and walks.. living into daily practices that help me refocus on God are the things that refuel and re-energize me.
May you find ways to regain your focus on God when you find yourself becoming weary or worn down. Don't give up on "seeing the shared God-life of all".
I read these words below written by Carol Collier on her Facebook page. I've been following her for a while and finally got to meet her in person at a community clean-up day. Carol has a deep love for God and others. The depth of that love comes through her writing. I asked permission to share these two posts in my blog because they resonated deep within me as we begin this Advent season. I don't know what will resonate within you. But I share Carol's writings here for reflection. Thank you, Carol, for allowing the Holy to shine through the depths of the sorrow and grief and for reminding us to be with ourselves in this part of the journey.
It was quiet and still, and as we entered into that prepared space we picked up a stone to hold in our hands throughout the service.
The stone became the tactile reminder that we, and the world, are burdened.
The music was beautiful and mournful. Gorgeous voices accompanied by guitar and violin and piano.
At a certain point in the service we participated in a litany of named sorrows and griefs.
As each one was named, I felt a sob ~ no, no, I felt a wail ~ consume my body, as tears ran down my face.
I let them flow and fall to my chest.
~There is this billboard around town that says boldly “Save America, read the Patriot Post.”
I cannot identify exactly what it is I feel when I see that billboard. I can only know that something in my body registers revulsion.~
We have now entered the season of Advent. No, it’s not the “hap-happiest time of the year.”
It is the time when we remember the first coming of the Savior of the World.
We look back and remember his first coming and we look forward to his second Advent~ the time when he will come again.
As I let myself be immersed in the realities of a disordered and traumatized humanity in a broken, fractured world, and as I wail for all that we have done to ourselves and all that has been done to us, Advent reminds me that there is only one who can save us.
Anything other than Jesus is a lie, folks (and I’m not so sure his main thing is to save America. In fact I’m pretty sure America is not the reason he died on the cross.)
Weep, wail, rend your clothes for we are in desperate need of a Savior.
He has come, and he will come again, and all will be made right and all will be well.
In the in-between time, the now and not yet time, may we keep our eyes on the true Savior of the World.
For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
He who testifies to these things says, “Surely I am coming soon.” Amen. Come, Lord Jesus!"
"Part 2 ~ Advent
It is often in the depths of lament that God will show us how to live out the story of redemption here on this earth ~ how we can seek justice and love mercy, how we can care for the least, the lost and the littlest.
The problem may be that we won’t allow our hearts to be broken which can make us susceptible to false gospels that claim power over the humility of Christ.
This second post caused me to reflect and I posted this as a comment: "Lament and brokenness are powerful places to allow growth. To rest there, to be in it, to not rush through it-- to learn."
As we begin the Advent Season, where do you find yourself this year? This liminal space of now and not yet always causes me reflection. It seems even more poignant this year. The ground of my soul/soil is being prepared for what is to come. (A phrase I picked up from a Hearts on Fire retreat several years ago.)
I will be spending time this Advent season waiting, watching, listening.As I look for the coming of the Christ Child, I am open to the Christ within me to speak to me, to guide me, to teach me, to bring healing. Emmanuel, God with us, can handle all the sorrow and grief of the world.
I am grateful for the reminder from Carol in her Part 2 Advent post: "It is often in the depths of lament that God will show us how to live out the story of redemption here on this earth ~ how we can seek justice and love mercy, how we can care for the least, the lost and the littlest.
The problem may be that we won’t allow our hearts to be broken which can make us susceptible to false gospels that claim power over the humility of Christ."
May my heart be broken with that which reveals the light of Christ.
I decided to open my new Ash & Starlight: prayers for the chaos & grace of daily life randomly this morning during my outdoor coffee time. I figured that whatever it opened up to would benefit me in some way. I wasn't wrong.
The book opened up to pages 44 and 45-- "When I'm in the messy middle of something". I almost didn't read it. I almost thought I would flip through and find something else, but I didn't. Because there is much messy middle right now.
We are back in the red zone in the pandemic here in my area and have been for about 2 weeks. That isn't just messy for life, but it becomes messy for leadership. Truthfully, it was already a bit messy without us getting back into the red zone. Seeking wisdom and discernment on how to be the church coming out of a pandemic and an ongoing/lingering pandemic at the same time is quite the challenge!
What else is the messy middle? Getting all the preparations done for here and for the place I am heading to serve this week is one.
The unknown of many things continues to cause 'messy middle'. That liminal space. Yet, that is where trust comes in. Where I commit to the process and not the outcome. Where I don't focus on the end result.
As I read this reading and reflected, it resonated with me. I glanced at my coffee mug and smiled. It made it through the process. It is no longer a messy lump of clay, but rather a beautiful mug. I wonder how many times the potter needed to start over with it? How many times did it get mashed down and built back up? I think about the process: the hands on the clay forming it, pinching it, and holding it; the firing and the glazing. There was much work. There was much 'messy middle'.
Progress takes time.
Growth takes time.
Healing takes time.
"Help me embrace this messy middle time when I must make space for shifts and questions."
Whether for my personal life or for my life as a leader, these words resonate with me this morning in this liminal space, in the unknown.
I don't know what will resonate with you today. Whatever it is, may you find your way through to trust and to smile.
Here is last week's sermon, "Steadfast Endurance".
I haven't posted a sermon in quite a while. I used to post them quite regularly when I was serving the Holston Georgia Parish. Somehow, going from serving three churches to one hasn't slowed down like I thought it might. That is simply an observation. It isn't a complaint. I stay occupied, yet in a good and healthy way. I do wish for more writing time though. Now, how odd is that?!?! I write a sermon EVERY week...... or rather a sermon writes me. Smiling here. :)
I will post the sermon transcript, as is my normal procedure. I will remind readers that the transcript is not always exactly what comes out in the sermon once it is given. I will also post the audio links and a link to the video on YouTube, for anyone who desires to watch it. You can watch other sermons there too.
I mention hiking in this sermon, so I will post some of the hiking pictures that I refer to in this sermon as well, at the very bottom of the post.
May there be something here that encourages you along your journey,
Rev. Deb
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“Steadfast Endurance”
1 Peter 2:19-25 (CEB)
May 3, 2020 (4th Sunday of Easter)
St. Elmo UMC (FB Live)
1 Peter 2:19-25 (CEB)
19 Now, it is commendable
if, because of one’s understanding of God, someone should endure pain through
suffering unjustly.20 But what praise comes from enduring
patiently when you have sinned and are beaten for it? But if you endure
steadfastly when you’ve done good and suffer for it, this is commendable before
God.21 You were called to this
kind of endurance, because Christ suffered on your behalf. He left you an
example so that you might follow in his footsteps.22 He committed no sin, nor did he ever speak
in ways meant to deceive.23 When
he was insulted, he did not reply with insults. When he suffered, he did not
threaten revenge. Instead, he entrusted himself to the one who judges justly.24 He carried in his own body on the cross
the sins we committed. He did this so that we might live in righteousness,
having nothing to do with sin. By his wounds you were healed.25 Though you were like straying sheep, you
have now returned to the shepherd and guardian of your lives.
Today is the 4th Sunday of Easter. Throughout this Easter season, the messages
have been those of throwing off all your fears, living hope, loving deeply, and
now endurance.
Steadfast endurance.
Today’s title comes from verses 20 and 21: “...But
if you endure steadfastly when you’ve done good and suffer for it, this is
commendable before God.21 You
were called to this kind of endurance, because Christ suffered on your behalf.”
Steadfast endurance. What does that even mean?
Both words in
the Greek have the same prefix, “hypo”.
But their suffixes are different.
Even so, the two words are similar in meaning. Here are the meanings that they share: to
bear under, to bear up under. Other
aspects of each include: support, sustain, to endure patiently, continue
firmly, hold out, remain constant, persevere.
At this point, some of you
may be saying that it’s time to get off the roller coaster. Stop the ride. I’m done.
Let me off. Well, let me be
honest. I’ve had that thought too. I’ve wanted to get in my little red escape
and ESCAPE, yet where can I go. Heck,
Psalm 139 reminds me “where can I flee from your Spirit?” And there aren’t many places allowing
vacation rentals, so it’s not like I could just head off somewhere.
So, I’m left to think about
steadfast endurance through the suffering and pain. I’m left to think about getting through this
stuff to the other side.
This week’s passage helps us
work through how we might deal with suffering and with pain. We all have suffering and pain in our lives,
don’t we?! If we’re honest with
ourselves, the answer is yes. And, with
these days of pandemic and rebuilding from the tornados, along with businesses
trying to survive, there is much suffering and pain.
Each week I think I finished with going through the
crucible to get the message out because each week the message reads me, works
on me, and works through me in order to find its way out of me into the open
space to be received. The Holy Spirit
won’t simply allow me to speak a word.
I’m living each word. On one
hand, that is a very good thing. I want
to be able to walk with, to live authentically, to be genuine. On the other hand, it can get a little “old”
… or even humorous. I guess I’m the one
to blame, in the sense that I choose the titles… “Living Hope”, “Love Each
Other Deeply” and this week? “Steadfast
Endurance” So, what things do I go
through each week? A letting go, an
emptying of me, so that I can be filled up with whatever message the Holy
Spirit has.
7:25 a.m. morning prayer on Thursday, April 30th….
“May the God of Creation meet us all where we are today and bring us through
this day, helping us grow as disciples, allowing us to heal in the broken
places, bringing comfort to the pain and grief.
May we offer help, hope, and healing to others from that which we have
and from that which we have experienced.”
Little did I know that later that morning I would
feel the brokenness once again myself, the emptiness. It wasn’t a bad feeling, just a feeling of
being. In fact, I’ve come to realize
that “brokenness” is part of who I am.
It’s the place I meet God, in that suffering and pain. As God brings healing, it’s through the put
together brokenness that the light can shine.
That’s why I really like stained glass so much. As I observed the different pieces of stained
glass in my office this week, I wrote this:
“All the different pieces and colors. Broken. Some
small. Some even cracked. Colored. Clear. Opaque. Woven into and around
each other. Held together because of the
fire that melted the metal. Each piece has meaning. Each color has meaning. Just
as the brokenness in these objects will never go away, so it is with me. Though pieces are put together, I am still
the product of broken smaller pieces, put together by an Artistic Designer who
designed me uniquely. To allow the light
to shine through the brokenness, to allow myself to be, to allow the Creator to
do the necessary ebb and flow work of refinement…keeps me in a humbled
state. An open state. A broken state.”
How do I get through the suffering and pain? How do I press into the steadfast
endurance? I spend time in creation with
the Creator. Everyday, a little bit. And, then larger chunks as/when I can. I take note of the Creator’s beauty in the
flowers, the sky… I listen to the quiet babble of flowing water or the roar of
the stream or waterfall. Being in
creation allows my soul to calm and allows healing.
My endurance strengthens as I allow myself to be, to
be still, to rest in the One who created me and knows me best. It sounds counterintuitive, doesn’t it?! That endurance grows as I let go. But it does.
As I can simply “be”, everything falls into place. Psalm 46:10, therefore, has a huge ongoing
role in my life. “Be still and know that
I am God.”
I’ve considered “endurance” several times this past
week as I’ve been out in creation on different trails. One was Tuesday afternoon when Riley and I
took an afternoon break and we hiked at North Chickamauga Creek Gorge. We went up the Hodgkins Branch Loop
trail. I haven’t attempted that in many
years and not since my hip surgery. To
be able to climb that trail and to see the waterfall is credited to “steadfast
endurance”
On Friday, we parked two cars at different
trail heads and hiked through a 5 mile section of the Cumberland Trail from the
Soddy Daisy segment to the Hotwater Road segment. That’s the most I have hiked in one hike since
my hip replacement. There were ups and
downs, some muddy spots. I kept on
keeping on. Breathing in. Breathing out. In all fairness, that’s fairly easy to do on
a beautiful day when being in creation energizes me, right?!?
What about when I’m worn down, ready to quit, about
to give up? Yeah, I get like that. Monday was a VERY long week for me. I had a list as long as my arm and I got most
of it done. And, then I had our
“Disciple’s Path” class on ZOOM. We
continue to meet. We talk about
spiritual disciplines, we continue what we started in the class. I didn’t have what I needed on Monday night
to facilitate the group. I didn’t think
I had anything left to give, to offer. I
came extremely close to calling it off.
But I decided to show up. What I
realized on Monday was that sometimes endurance is simply showing up. As we show up, as we surrender our being, as
we yield, then the rest just “is”. After
showing up to class on Monday, I was good.
I’ve talked quite a bit about roller coasters,
beginning in Lent. You know when you get
in a roller coaster and the mechanical “click, click, click” guides you up the
hill to begin the ride? It’s like
that. Our role is sometimes simply to
sit back and be, as we continue firmly and remain constant in/on the ride.
What else do we find in today’s passage? Healing.
Verse 24.
“by his wounds you were healed”
Ultimately, it’s ALL about healing. There’s a plaque on my shelf with these words
from a Christy Nockels song: “how high, high wide, O, Lord! No matter where I
am, healing is in your hands. How deep,
how deep is Your love, How strong, how strong is your love; & now by your
grace I stand; healing is in your hands”
This time of steadfast endurance can bring us
healing as we submit and surrender to the love and grace offered us.
Richard Rohr’s writings this past week on liminal
space were spot on for us during this time of being in the in-between time, the
not knowing. As I’ve reflected on
steadfast endurance this week and my challenges throughout this entire pandemic
journey, I found a song that reminded me how to find steadfast endurance.
Do you remember “Come and Find the Quiet Center”
that we would use during our quiet time?
By finding the quiet center, we can make time to listen. Steadfast endurance will flow from that
listening time.
May we continue to be available to one another and
to others in the community as we continue this journey with steadfast
endurance. May the light and love of
Christ shine through our broken places, allowing healing for others. May we be bold enough to be still and listen
so that we can simply show up and allow God to take over. Amen.
