If I Were A Butterfly...

Are you familiar with the song, "If I Were A Butterfly"?  I learned it when I was at camp, many moons ago.  It is also known as "The Butterfly Song".

Here are the lyrics: (I encourage you to check out their website!)

THE BUTTERFLY SONG (If I Were a Butterfly)Words and Music by Brian M. Howard

If I were a butterfly I'd thank you Lord for giving me wings If I were a robin in a tree I'd thank you Lord that I could sing If I were a fish in the sea I'd wiggle my tail and I'd giggle with glee But I just thank you Father for making me, me CHORUS For you gave me a heart and you gave me a smile You gave me Jesus and you made me your child And I just thank you Father for making me, me If I were an elephant I'd thank you Lord by raising my trunk If I were a kangaroo You know I'd hop right up to you If I were an octopus I'd thank you Lord for my fine looks But I just thank you Father for making me, me If I were a wiggly worm I'd thank you Lord that I could squirm If I were a fuzzy, wuzzy bear I'd thank you Lord for my fuzzy, wuzzy hair If I were a crocodile I'd thank you Lord for my great smile But I just thank you Father for making me, me Copyright © Mission Hills Music www.ButterflySong.com All rights reserved. (BMI) International copyright secured. CCLI - 35445 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The picture of the butterfly that I added in is a butterfly that I saw during my Academy week last week.  During one of the silence and solitude reflection times, I was sitting on a bench thinking.  I noticed the butterfly and attempted to get a couple of pictures. Just as the fun song brings to mind all sorts of images of nature and how we might be if we were them, the butterfly itself also brings to mind images of life and transformation to me. On my 8 1/2 hour drive home yesterday, I had lots of time to think.  One of the things I thought about was the butterfly, the butterfly song, metamorphosis, change, metanoia, When the Heart Waits by Sue Monk Kidd, etc.  I've written about some of these things before, but here are my thoughts from yesterday. One of the prayers I still have is for my "wings" to continue to heal.  My shoulders and shoulder blades aren't 100%, though they are MUCH better than they were 2 years ago.  The journey of healing through the two years had its ups and downs.  It wasn't easy.  There is still pain.  But, I didn't have to have surgery.  Frozen shoulders (adhesive capsulitis) is something I'll probably have to deal with for a while.  And for now, I need to continue a regimen of lots of stretching and strengthening.   So, though I don't have "wings", I identify with the butterfly. I think of the birth of the butterfly, coming out of the cocoon.  First, that butterfly has been in its cocoon, in the dark for an amount of time.  It has been in a waiting time.  But not a waiting without purpose time.  This time has been a time of transformation, change, metanoia.  What was once a caterpillar is no longer.  It is now something new.  Yet, it is still not ready to live into its fullness.  It must first get out of the cocoon, out of the darkness of tranformation and preparation. Getting out the cocoon isn't easy.  It is a struggle.  It is tiring.  Yet, it strengthens the wings of the butterfly and without it the butterfly's wings would not be strong enough to fly.  But even upon emerging with strengthened wings, the butterfly must wait a little longer to allow the wings to dry.  Then, the butterfly is ready to fly and live into what it has now become. It is a new song for the butterfly.   Just as it is for each of each when we emerge from the darkness of transformation and preparation.  Throughout the ongoing growth process in our lives, there is pain.  There can not be growth without growth pains.  Yet, we are able to sing our new song and live into who we are as we continue the cycle much like the butterfly. Casting Crowns has a song that declares "Let my life song sing to You".   That is the cry of my soul.  That my life song will sing to God.  That I will live into the life that God has created me to be.  That I will not fear the darknesses (because they are plural) of transformation and preparation, but will take them as part of the journey.  And, that when it is time to fly, that I won't be afraid to lift my wings and allow the current of the wind (the Spirit) to lift me up. So much of what I heard this past week spoke into who I am and who God has created me to be.  I am unfolding.  I am open.  I have been unfolding for several years now since I accepted the invitation to go deeper in 2006.  Yet, I learn a little more each year.  As I seek, as I study, as I live in community, both in the Academy and in my normal surroundings, God is continuing to help me get back to the center of who I am.  It's an exciting, albeit sometimes scary journey.  Frankly, I'd rather do without the darkness experiences for they are not typically pleasant.  However, I recognize that there is growth.  Just as the cycle of the butterfly cycles from one area of formation into another, so it is in life.  Christ's life, death, and resurrection is an example of this.  Orientation, disorientation, reorientation.  Over and over again as we continue to grow.  But, more on that a different time. My wings have dried.  It's time to lift them and fly. May there be a new song in your journey, time to fly, and awareness from the darkness of transformation and preparation, ~Debra

A long awaited accomplishment.

Taekwondo. 

I started taekwondo one January several years back.   Master Hall offered a free month's training to parents or grandparents of current students.  I had been wanting to take classes and this was the perfect opportunity.

My daughter had started in the Cubs (affectionately known as "Cubby" or "Cubbies") program when she was about 4 years old.   I watched her learn and grow in her martial arts skills through the years.  When she started sparring, I would suggest things to her.  That is, until I reached green belt and learned it isn't so easy keeping all that together physically and mentally.

Last December I was at Senior Brown level and tested for the Red belt.  I earned it.

Somewhere along the way, I had started having lung issues when I sparred, especially at testing.  However, multitudes of tests showed that on paper, my lungs are fine.   I had also developed some shoulder issues, but I had kept on keeping on.  For that last testing, I plastered on about 3 icy hot pads to minimize pain.  That turned out to be my last testing for a while.

Doctor visits and x-rays showed inflammation in the shoulders, adhesive capsulitis (frozen shoulders).  I stopped taekwondo and went into physical therapy for 10 months.  Herniated discs in the neck popped up at some point and those were treated to relieve pain. 

Though my shoulders are still "frozen" and I don't have full movement, I have gone back into taekwondo rather than have surgery on both shoulders.  I am limited in what I can do, but I can still do quite a bit.  One major limitation is sparring, however, as that would cause major damage if my arm were to get caught and jerked.  A new system (E-CAS [Elite Counter-Agression Skills]) in the ITA is coming at a perfect time for me.

Today, I was able to test for the senior red belt.  As it was the late testing day, my daughter and I tested together for the first time.  It was a special experience for me to be back at testing, to be able to do my form (albeit not as perfectly as I would like), and to test along with my daughter (who tested for 2nd degree level 3).


Waiting.  It's a part of my journey in many aspects of my life.  In the past few weeks, I have been able to come out of the taekwondo waiting cocoon and have been able to spread my wings once again.  They have strengthened.  I wasn't sure I would be able to learn my form in the time I had, about 6 weeks.   But, with the help of the instructors, a student manual loaned to me by a friend, some extra time and perseverance, today happened. 

Now I can focus on longer stances, better stances, better set ups, etc.  More time to strengthen those wings. 

The next testing will be for the probationary black belt.  But it's not about the ranks.  It's about the journey. 

My journey in taekwondo is as much a part of who I am as is my spiritual journey and my journeys with relationships.  There are times of waiting in each of these as well.

Right now in my spiritual journey, I'm in a time of waiting.  You might be too.  If you're looking toward Christmas and looking toward the arrival, the coming of Christ, then you're in a waiting period, a season of Advent. 

I was challenged this past week: Where is God in my Advent season?  And, I realized that in the chaos of it all, I wasn't spending quiet time in anticipation or preparation.  So, I've taken some time to PAUSE, to STOP, so I can spend some time waiting.  Waiting in expectation. 

Where are you experiencing "waits" in your journey?  How are you preparing for the arrival of Christ? 

May your waiting moments for the Christ child be blessed and filled with joy and adoration. 

May the waiting periods in your life strengthen you.

~dd

Psalm 33: 20-22 (NIV)
We wait in hope for the LORD;
   he is our help and our shield.
In him our hearts rejoice,
   for we trust in his holy name.
May your unfailing love be with us, LORD,
   even as we put our hope in you.

PS-- If you'd like to read a book that deals with "waiting", I highly recommend Sue Monk Kidd's When the Heart Waits: Spiritual Direction for Life's Sacred Questions, HarperOne: 1990.