A Tree of Life-- healing reflections from a pine tree

1st view of tree--wound area #1

2nd wound area

tall, straight, majestic

tall, straight, majestic

me and the tree

solomon seal

solomon seal

Today we had an activity in our Spiritual Direction class here at Columbia Theological seminary where we were to go outside on a nature walk, spending time in nature to see what might shimmer for/to us as we asked our discernment question.  As something caught our gaze, we were invited to bring our question to it and be available to the response.

When I came, my original question centered around healing-- 'how to heal?'. As I have reflected and listening, it still centers on healing. Yet, today, the question became 'how can I invite God into the pain?'

When I got outside, immediately I noticed magnolia tree leaves caught my attention and I headed toward the tree. It was a small tree without good climbing branches. It was still a pretty tree. As I looked around the pine straw filled floor and tree filled area, a tall pine tree caught my attention. My eyes followed the tall tree high into the air. This tree was the tallest one in the bunch.  Ah, that magnolia tree was just to get me in here. Nice!

As I looked at this pine tree, I noticed that it had an injury, a scar, starting about 6' off the ground and going up to about 12'. That's it. Nothing below and nothing above. I was intrigued, mesmerized. It shimmered and caught my gaze. This tree was tall, straight, majestic. Yet it carried a wound from something from some point in time. It's growth had not stopped, but had continued.

I sat down on the ground where I could look up at it and study it more. The wind was beginning to blow a bit more and it looked like rain was coming in sooner than expected. Tiny drops began to fall, but the tree canopy covered me for the moment. I asked my question: "God, how can I invite you into the pain?" Then I wrote in my journal: "Creator God, I invite you into the pain. This tree-- it's the tallest one around. As the sap flows from a pine tree, I invite your healing balm to flow through me."  As I sat there, one of those "wormy" pollen things fell on my journal. For me that was a recognition of new life. New beginnings. 

I decided to get up from my seated position and walk around the tree. As I began to walk to my left, I noticed another scar, wound. It started higher than the first one, about mid-way up from it, but it stopped at about the same place. This one had a deeper and wider wound at the top.

 I began to wonder about the scars and the wounds on the tree: 

• What caused these deep wounds?
• How did it heal?
• How did it survive?

As I asked these questions, I realized that I didn't have answers for this particular tree. Yet, my curiosity led me to contact an arborist friend and send some photos. I also began to reflect on how my questions about the tree could also be applied to me. Oh. Hmmmm.  Much like the magnolia tree was a way for me to see the pine tree, the pine tree was a way for me to see me.  Oh, Creator God, you have a way with your creation.

In the moment, I knew that this pine tree represented for me a tree of life, my tree of life. I might not have all the answers yet, but I am on the journey.

The discernment process is a journey. My question may continue to change along the way. It's not about the destination, but the journey, so I'm good with that.

And healing? It has been my goal for a long time to be a wounded healer (as Henri Nouwen uses the term) rather than a wounded wounder, so all healing is welcome on the journey.

To observe the pine tree today and to see that it survived a difficult time in its life, that it kept on growing... that gave me hope and encouragement. Its scars and wounds are visible, yes. So are scars and wounds I have on my knee, my hip, my side, my feet. It is true that inner scars and wounds aren't visible. Yet, there are times and places where those, too, can become visible for the good of the kin-dom and the glory of the Creator.

I wanted to explore the topic of trees and wounds a little further.

I read a book about trees a while back, but it is at home-- Peter Wohlleben's The Hidden Life of Trees. Here is a podcast with him on the Joe Gardener show.

I looked up some information on tree wounds and found this resource: Tree Care Kit.  One thing that struck me from this site is that trees don't heal, but rather they seal.  They compartmentalize and/or create barrier zones and new tree life is able to occur with healthy tissue. Wow! Interesting.

I don't know what question(s) you might be carrying within you these days. I invite you to take a walk into nature with your question and see what catches your attention. What animate or inanimate thing draws your gaze? Spend time in thoughtful reflection. See what bubbles to the surface.

You never know what adventure you might encounter.

As I was leaving the pine tree, I encountered one lone Solomon Seal poking up from the pine straw. I haven't seen any Solomon Seal yet this season so that was a great find.

Not only did I encounter my tree of life today, but I also encountered some wisdom. [Solomon. Solomon Seal.]  And having read that trees seal rather than heal, maybe there is a message in that from nature too. Hmmmm.

May time in nature open my eyes, my ears, all my senses to the Creator and all of creation in such a way that transforms my being and my doing to align more closely with the heart of God.

Rev. Deb

P.S. My journals are nature-themed:  "Advice from Nature"

The journal that I'm currently using is a "Sun" journal.  The "Tree" one is my 3rd one. I started with "River", then "Mountain", then "Tree", now "Sun".  

A new day... seek the Lord and rejoice

"Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice." 1 Chronicles 16:10 (NIV)

Mornings are the time in my day for me to "pause".  This morning was a little more difficult for me to get up as I hit yesterday hard at work after a week of retreat and a board meeting.

With my cup of coffee, I headed outside to see the glories of the Creator in the sky.  Some mornings there will be Scriptures or songs that automatically pop into my mind when I look at the scenery. Today I did a search on biblegateway.com for something related to "glory of the Lord" and found 1 Chronicles 16:10.  That resonated.

I may be a little tired this morning, but my heart seeks the Lord and it can rejoice.

"Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice." 1 Chronicles 16:10 (NIV)

Often a breath prayer is a way to draw near to God.  I have prayed them in the past and last week we had the opportunity to create a breath prayer after a reflection time that allowed us to pray for a certain situation.

Breath prayers are a way to pray as you breathe in and breathe out.  Thus the name breath prayer. They are short prayers.  They are focused prayers.

Ken Hagler has been posting breath prayers quite regularly on his sites and one caught my attention yesterday.

"Light of life, I can't see.  Be light to my feet."

I don't know why it caught my attention. Maybe it was the bright light in the corner.  Maybe it was because it spoke of "Light".  Some days I see clearly and others days I don't.  Maybe that's why it caught my attention.  I am okay with the Thomas Merton prayer of unknowing.  

Ken had also posted a blog yesterday that I didn't get a chance to read.  When I went to his blog site this morning to find the breath prayer, I found it in yesterday's blogpost: Seven Practices of Discernment in the Valley of Suck.

In this post, Ken points to a video on breath prayers, but also gives great insight on the long and varied journey through grief.

What?!?!  How does this relate to the beginning of this post, that 'those who seek the Lord will rejoice.'????  In the both/and world, in the paradox of life, there is grieving and rejoicing.  Our hearts can rejoice for one thing and grieve another.  That's the way it is.  At least, that is how I've experienced it.  

For me to keep pressing on with focus and intentionality, I need to find ways to breathe in, to breathe out, to live into radical compassion, to follow the ways of Christ, and to grieve any and all losses in due time, in my time.

It's a new day.  A new opportunity.  May the Light shine the way for next steps.  May my heart rejoice.  May the journey continue.

May the Light shine for your next steps and may your heart rejoice today as well.

Blessings on your journey, 

Debra

Pursuing God's Will Together: A Discernment Practice for Leadership Groups

One of the courses I'm taking this semester is an Independent Study course in which I'm focusing on discernment.  I have a reading list, but I can read other books that capture my attention along the way.  This is one such book. 

Barton, Ruth Haley.  Pursuing God's Will Together: A Discernment Practice for Leadership Groups (IVP: 2012).

I was first introduced to Ruth Haley Barton my first year in seminary when we read Sacred Rhythms in the class and as part of our assignment we were to invite several others along with us for the journey.  That was a great adventure for me.  Since then, I have checked out most of her other books and have found them to be insightful and challenging for my journey.

This book is no exception.  However, I had other emotions reading it as well.  At times I was frustrated and disturbed, maybe even regretful.  For the most part, however, I found myself being encouraged as I read about the possibilities of living into a group setting that practiced discernment for its decision making AND became a community of transformed kingdom people along the way. 

If this book is encouraging and hopeful, then why would you feel otherwise you might ask?  That's a good question.  And, I will first say that toward the end of the book I read someone else's account that made me feel a little better about how I felt.  Barton share's "One Leader's Story" at the end of the book with his permission.  He had attended one of the training sessions.  He mentions that the teachings "excited", "scared", and "depressed" him. (229).  I could relate to that.  He refers to the retreat as a "soul-stretching retreat about discernment as the heart of spiritual leadership." (230)  That's what this book is all about.  It takes the retreats and puts them into book form, for the rest of us.

My feelings of being frustrated, disturbed, and even depressed came from thinking back through times in which the discernment model could have been so much more life-giving and kingdom-affirming, and community-building than what ended up happening.  Though I attempted to lead well as Staff Parish Chair, I made my mistakes as well.   But, I cannot (nor can any of us) focus on the past.  I must (as you) take what I'm learning and apply it in the here and now (and in the future).   I think I have applied some of these things some of the time in groups and on boards that I'm on that don't fully live by a discernment model.  And, I've seen other folks lead with some of these things as well.  But, I haven't really been part of a group that primarily employs a discernment model in their leadership until recently when I joined the board for Hearts on Fire (or FUMSDRL= Fellowship of United Methodist Spiritual Directors and Retreat Leaders).

Though I haven't been to a board meeting in person just yet, I have joined in over the phone.  That's how many of the meetings take place anyway, except for the yearly or every other year retreat one.  Anyway, the time begins with a Scripture reading, usually done in the lectio divina method so that we can listen to what God might be saying.  Then, there is silence time.  A bit awkward over the phone, but still necessary.  Then, there is time to share what came to mind.  This is the beginning of the time together.  From what I've observed, there is discernment going on and folks are free to share as we move through the meetings. I consider this opportunity a joy, honor, and privilege and know that I will grow as I continue to serve alongside them.

I am encouraged and hopeful that I might be able to lead one day from this discernment point of view, where the focus is on God leading the group.  I recognize that this isn't always easy when you come into a situation where that hasn't been cultivated.  But, I hope that wherever God plants me in the future, I will be able to cultivate an environment where spiritual transformation in community is the culture for the leaders as well as for all people in that community. 

This book helps anyone wanting to learn how to get there to do so.  Barton shares from their experiences at the Transforming Center as a board.  This can be applied to boards, to Staff Parish Committees, to Leadership Councils, etc.  Anywhere there is a group seeking God's will, it can be done in a way that brings about transformation individually and in community.

There is quote toward the end of the book, in Appendix 2, that caught my attention: “The journey of transformation requires willingness to relinquish control and give ourselves over to a process that we cannot fully understand or of which we can predict the outcome.  We know we will be more like Christ, but we cannot predict exactly what this will look like or where it will take us.” (243)  This sums up what the journey of transformation is about, both individually and in community.  It's exciting and a little scary.  But, it's an adventure!

The discernment process requires listening, lots of it.  In community, it requires putting aside our egos, our personal agendas, and all kinds of other stuff.  It requires that we come to a place of indifference, where we are open to what God has for us. 

What if you're not practicing discernment at all in your group?  Barton suggests: "Do something before you do everything." (232)  "Try introducing one or two aspects of discernment into the process of making the decisions you are facing." (232)

I recommend this book.  I could type up all my underlined notes, but then this would be a much longer post.  Instead, I'll outline the book chapters as I've done in the past.  There are quotes at the beginning of each chapter, prayer resources, step by step guidelines throughout, etc. 

The book:

Introduction: The Heart of Spiritual Leadership

PART ONE: Becoming a Community for Discernment
 1. Learning to See
 2. Beginning with Spiritual Transformation
 3. Leaders Who Are Discerning
 4. Community at the Leadership Level
 5. Values That Undergird Community
 6. Practices for Opening to God Together
 7. Practices for Listening to Each Other
 8. A Covenant That Protects Community

PART TWO: Practicing Discernment Together
 9. Get Ready: Preparing for the Discernment Process
10.Get Set: From Decision Making to Discernment
11. Go!  Discerning and Doing God's Will Together
12. But Does It Work?

Gratitudes
Appendix 1: Leader's Guide
Appendix 2: A Biblical Perspective on Spiritual Transformation
Appendix 3: Lectio Divina
Notes
Resources

I will close my thoughts with the quote that was placed at the beginning of the book: "The question is deceptively simple to ask and exquisitely difficult to answer: Am I truly seeking to do Thy will... or mine?"  ~Gerald May

If you would like to know more about the Transforming Center that Ruth Haley Barton founded, you can click on their name to go to their website.

For more resources on Pursuing God's Will Together, visit their website by clicking on the book title.

Blessings on your spiritual transformation and discernment journey!

~Debra

Launching Out into the Deep by Karen Roberts

http://www.daily-devotionals.com/2011/04/launch-out-into-the-deep/

Here's another one of Karen Roberts' devotions that caught my attention this afternoon.

Here's a line in the devotion that speaks to me: "Jesus had revealed something that will help us if we trust Him. When He calls us to launch out into something new that might be a bit scary or uncomfortable, He will provide for us abundantly as we step out in faith and obey Him."

I have been called to go deeper, as I have shared since 2006.   More recently, I have been called to launch out into the adventure of the 5 day Academy (Fall 2010), which led me into launching out into re-applying to seminary for the M.Div. and applying for the 2 year bilingual academy. 

There have been other launching out adventures along the way, in-between these: retiring from teaching the first time (effective Spring '07), applying to seminary for the Certificate in Christian Studies and starting coursework in the Summer of '07, taking UMVIM leader training (Fall 2007), leading a mission trip to Costa Rica in 2008, changing churches, coming out of retirement to go back into teaching and getting the opportunity to teach online. (That's all I can think of right now.... I'm sure there have been more.  God doesn't let me stay comfortable too long.) :)

And, there is a current issue in which I'm seeking wisdom and discernment as to whether or not I'm being called to launch into the deep.  I can't fully make sense of it because I don't see the end product.  However, I believe launching out into the deep dovetails very nicely with Karen Roberts' other devotion that I shared about trusting in God's timing.   Not only do I have to trust that God is saying "launch out into the deep, you will find what you're looking for there", but I have to trust that this is God's timing.  Shoot, I just have to trust.  And, I feel like I'm back up there on that small wooden platform up in the trees on the ropes course, wanting to jump out and catch the trapeze, yet afraid I won't make it, that I'll miss the mark.  This has been rumbling inside me for a while.

Karen Roberts challenges her readers with this: "Is Jesus calling you to launch out into the deep? Maybe He is leading you to step out of your comfort zone. to move. or to start a business. or to take a new job. or to build new friendships. Maybe He is leading you to further your education or to step into new ministry. Or perhaps it’s a simple call to go deeper with Him in your spiritual life. Don’t be afraid. Trust Him! The One who can multiply fish can meet your every need."

Launching out into the deep is another aspect of the journey.  Check out Karen's devotion.  It spoke to me.  May it speak to you.  Or, maybe there is someone with whom you know you can share it.

For me, I'm becoming more and more uncomfortable on this platform.  I think it's getting time to jump.

Blessings on your journey as you launch into the deep.

~Debra

The Ripple Effect...

Ripples in the water...  Did you ever throw rocks in the water to watch the ripples?  Or even skip rocks to see how far they would go and watch the ripples from each place they touched down?   The ripples in the picture below didn't come from a rock being thrown in, but rather from within the water.  I'm guessing from a fish or some other form of aquatic life.  The initial source isn't the focus, however, but rather the ripples.

Garner Creek, Dickson, TN

One little movement in the water can produce a powerful ripple effect.  It has potential to keep on going, until it encounters an obstacle.  Even then, the ripple can make its way around or over the obstacle.

What about in life?  What are ripple effects outside of water?  What are the things that produce ripple effects? 

Ripple effects..... the consequences, intended or unintended, of an action.  They can be the outcomes of taking risks, of saying "yes" or saying "no", etc.  Our actions don't simply stay with us, they have a ripple effect.  So, the question becomes, 'Are my actions producing positive or negative ripple effects?'  And, since my desire is to be an effective Kingdom dweller, the question becomes, 'Are my actions producing positive or negative ripple effects in the Kingdom?'

We don't always see or know the consequences.  However, if we make our decisions with discernment and take our steps of action with wisdom and prayer, then more than likely we are causing positive ripple effects.

We all have those days, however.  You know, the days that reveal less of the Christ in us than we would desire.  For those days, for those ripple effects, remember there is forgiveness.   When we confess our sins, God is faithful to forgive us our sins.  (Don't believe me, check it out for yourself-- 1 John 1:9.) 

So, next time you're by some water, throw in a rock and watch the ripples or stand long enough to watch the aquatic life create their own ripples.  Ask God to show you what risks you might take in the Kingdom in order to create some ripples.  Or, ask God in what areas you might need to say "yes" to or "no" to in order to create some ripples. 

Creating ripples is fun.   It is part of the adventure.  Part of the journey.

May the ripples you and I create strengthen and bring life into the Kingdom!

~Debra

Weavings | Listening for the Voice

Weavings Listening for the Voice

article by Robert Corin Morris

Discernment--a spiritual compass

Discernment. 

It's one of those "big" words, one of those "heavy", "deep" words.  It's something I've been trying to practice more.  It's something I want more of. (sorry for the hanging preposition.)

My discernment "radar" was fairly strong at one time.  I had been able to grow and strengthen the muscles.  But something happened in my life that caused me to doubt my discerning abilities.  It took several years to regain some of that lost ground, to get to the point where I felt that I could discern once again.  It's an ongoing process.

I looked up the word in my daughter's dictionary, and it wasn't there.  I think children need to know what discernment means.  Since I didn't want to go to the boxes in the basement, I decided to use an online dictionary. 

Merriam-Webster Online says that discernment is "the quality of being able to grasp and comprehend what is obscure".  http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/discernment

It lists some synonyms for discernment: wisdom, insight, perception, perceptiveness, perceptivity, sagaciousness, sagacity, sageness, sapience.

So, besides wanting more of it (discernment), why would I talk about it here on my blog about journeys and adventure?  Good question.  In fact, questions help us live into the answers.  Questions help us discern. :)

I'm reading Christianity for the Rest of Us: How the Neighborhood Church is Transforming the Faith by Diana Butler Bass (Harper, 2006).   I just read Chapter 6 "Discernment: Listening for Truth" this morning. 

Here are some thoughts that struck me in her writing:

"But Christian tradition points toward something more mundane: discernment as a practice that can be developed through participation in reflection, questions, prayer, and community." (p. 91)

"Discernment is a gift to the whole of the Christian community, one that can be strengthened and nurtured by engaging the practice.  Discernment serves as a kind of spiritual compass, helping us negotiate the unfamiliar territory of our truest selves as we seek to find meaning in God's call." (91)

"spiritual compass"-- What a great analogy!!  It fits so well with the image of hiking through the wilderness.  Wow!!  That's very powerful to me.

Butler Bass mentions Frederick Schmidt, an Episcopal priest who sees discernment as "...fundamentally a practice of asking "God-questions" instead of "I-questions." (94)

Wendy Wright is quoted: "Discernment requires that we pay attention." (96)

Butler Bass acknowledges: "You have to pay attention when you are not entirely sure where you are going." (96) 

This is so true!  Think about a time that you were driving somewhere new or even hiking a new trail.  You paid attention.  You noticed the environment around you.  You looked for signs, whether they were road signs or trail blazes showing the way.  You were intentional as you went along your way.  Once we become familiar with a road or a trail, we tend to pay less attention to the things around us.  We just "go". 

Butler Bass says: "Discernment is an odd guide, however, for it not only points the way on the journey but is a sort of destination in itself." (96)

"In emerging Christianity, discernment is the spiritual process through which metanoia, being "born again" in God's truth, beauty, and love, occurs." (97)  [Metanoia is discussed prior on the same page and Butler Bass explains that it means "a radical change of mind and heart that redirects our whole being." (97)]

My curiosity is piqued.  I want to know more about this word "metanoia" than I have read here.  So, here I go.... I'm going to take a side trail here.  If you prefer, have a seat on that rock or log over there.  I'll be back in a few.

Merriam-Webster Online says "metanoia" means: "a transformative change of heart; especially : a spiritual conversion". http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/metanoia   It also says: "Greek, from metanoiein to change one's mind, repent, from meta- + noein to think, from nous mind.  First Known Use: 1577"

From a church website that uses "metanoia" in its name, I learned: "METANOIA (meta-noy-ah) is an ancient Greek word that reflects a conscious decision to reorient your life in a way that your whole being – body, mind and soul - moves in a new direction. Commonly translated as ‘repentance’, this word is used in the New Testament to refer to the life-altering, voluntary decision first century Christ-followers made to move toward wholeness and belief in Jesus Christ." http://metanoiachurch.org/  (I found their five areas of prayer focus to be refreshing and encouraging.) http://metanoiachurch.org/?p=995

So, I got off trail a little bit and learned more about metanoia.  Interesting!  Now, back to discernment. 

This caught my attention.  Butler Bass quotes Tom from one of the churches: "...If you aren't looking for it, you will never see it.  Well, I'm looking for it because it has become part of what we do.  I might not have noticed God's presence before, but I'm more attuned to it now." (100)

"Listening, paying attention to the Spirit, new awareness.  When pursued in community, discernment became a shaping practice..." (100)

The last line of the chapter:  "Discernment welcomes pilgrims to the feast." (102)  Hmmm....  That sounds very inviting. 

Do you pay attention to the promptings of the Spirit?  Do you act on them?  Where do you see God at work in your day to day life?  What do you hear God calling you to do?

Follow your spiritual compass.  Remember to bring along others on the journey.  They can help you reflect, you can help them reflect.

May your journey be an adventure!

~Debra

PS—For those who are interested, metanoia is Strong’s G3341. Check this link out for more information: http://www.blueletterbible.org/lang/lexicon/lexicon.cfm?Strongs=G3341&t=KJV