This past Monday was one of those "next steps" for me. In one way, it was a typical follow-up meeting at the end of the summer with the District Board of Ordained Ministry. In another way, it wasn't so typical because they didn't just want to hear where I was with things on the Candidacy journey. This meeting was to determine my readiness to move forward toward Provisional Elder and whether or not they were going to recommend me to the Bishop and Holston Conference as ready for it.
Though I felt like I had done everything I could do and have applied much of my learning in seminary along the way, I was a little apprehensive going into this meeting. Nervousness isn't a bad thing. I had that feeling the first day of every Fall semester as I stood before the classroom to teach. I have that feeling as I stand up to preach. It usually goes away in a bit, as I settle in and things get started. So, yes, I was nervous somewhat this past Monday.
But while waiting in the office for my appointment time, God was good! I had conversations about raccoons and children, ministry and life with Melissa and Clair. Then a pastor came in that I didn't know to pick up materials for his church. When he mentioned the name of his church, I did recognize it. I had just preached there recently, the Sunday before he came. I introduced myself and let him know I had preached at his church. Joe D. and I started talking and somehow I learned fairly quickly that he was planning to attend the TN 5 Day Academy in October, that he knew all about the Academy for Spiritual Formation, and we were speaking the same language. Cool!
Then I was called into the meeting. One of the pastors had warmed up a chair for me, so he said. I know. It might not have been the best time for a joke, but I asked if it was wired with bombs or something underneath to go "boom" and he said no. But that it was wired for electricity. Great response. Humor is always a good tension reliever for me and allows all folks to breathe and be.
I answered questions and shared where I was in seminary and where I felt God calling me to serve in the immediate future. I shared about family situations that add some limitations to my ability to move too far from this area at this time. As I continue to seek discernment myself, I know these things: God is the one who called me into this journey in the first place and put this on me. And God knows the situations in my own life and family better than I do. Therefore, God can work it out, giving wisdom and discernment to all the rest of us as we seek it. I know that really all I can do is to take the next lit step, knowing it won't always be fully clear.
After discussion and question answering, I got kicked out of the room for a while so they could discuss their recommendations. I hung out in the library. That was a good time for me to continue living into the unknown, surrendering all to God, and thanking God for the journey thus far.
Then I was invited to come back in. I am grateful for the folks in that group. Not only do they give of their time for listening and discernment, but they come to the table as real folks. My interaction with them was encouraging for me.
When I came back in the room, I noted that they had been laughing quite a bit and I wondered if they were laughing in Spanish. (Phonetically, it wouldn't make a difference.... but it is spelled "jaja" instead of "haha".) I don't know why that came to mind, but it did. And it led to a brief conversation of me sharing that I had preached once in Spanish, at the Academy, and that was one of the most affirming and rewarding sermons I had preached.
The chairman told me that the committee was recommending me onward to the Holston Conference. They shared some dates and some other things with me. Then, a fellow to my left that I know from the Lay Servant Committee prayed for me before we dismissed.
Wow! I was "nervexcited". That has been my daughter's word for being nervous and excited about things. That's how I felt. I couldn't let out a "yahoo" inside, but waited until I got outside. It wasn't a loud one, but it was there.
I am excited to continue on this adventure. I am also nervous. I could go into detail. But I'm really not sure about all that lies ahead on the horizon that causes my excitement or nervousness. I imagine time will tell. And/or some of those further along the journey might could give some insight too. And, then, I've had quite a bit of life and ministry experience... and maybe that's the excitement and nervousness.
Regardless of what lies ahead in the distant future, I know what I need to do for my next steps. There is a meeting and there are questions to answer. Meanwhile, there are courses to finish for the summer and then fall semester starts about a week after I finish summer semester.
As I continue this journey of ordination, moving through the process toward Provisional Elder, I am also extremely aware of and grateful for the community that has surrounded me to hold me up, to encourage me, to spur me on. There are folks locally, internationally, throughout the United States..... many whom I only see via technology and many who read about my journey through this blog yet don't respond.... But I know you're there. And I want to say thank you.
Thank you for the prayers. Thank you for the words of encouragement. Thank you for the questions about how it's going. Some of you have been on this journey with me for the long haul. Some of you have just joined in recently. You play an important role in my journey. Therefore, my journey is in part your journey.
At the risk of posting a photo that might repel some folks, I'm going to do it. The connectivity of community reminds me more and more of a spider web as we connect and intersect with one another, holding one another up and keeping one another buoyed and strong. This is what community means to me. All the various communities that touch my life.... from my local church, to Hearts on Fire, to the Emmaus community, to the Academy community, to my Dalton connections, to friends, to family, to Facebook connections, to blog readers, to Mustard Tree Ministries folks, to seminary connections, to former colleagues, to former students, to former teachers, ETC. There is NO WAY I could list you all.... I would be typing all day and I would likely forget a name.... but I think I captured most categories.
I am thankful to each of you for journeying with me. I am humbled and truly blessed.
May you be encouraged by community on your journey,
Debra
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