How Much Silence Does It Take?

 Psalm 62:1 For God alone my soul waits in silence;

                                                 from him comes my salvation. (NRSV)

Do you remember the jump rope songs from elementary school?  The ones where you say a little "ditty" and then start counting as you jump the rope.  When the rope hits you, you start over again.

Here is one:  "Cinderella Dressed in Yella/Yellow"

Cinderella Dressed in Yella

Cinderella dressed in yella,
Went downstairs to kiss a fella,
Made a mistake and kissed a snake.
How many doctors did it take
1, 2, 3, . . . .

Cinderella dressed in yellow
Went downstairs to kiss her fellow.
How many kisses did she give?
One, two, three, four, five . . .
~Adele Greil

Lately, that's how I'm feeling about my spiritual practice of silence.  I'm jumping rope and repeating my rhyme.  I get to the part, "how much silence does it take?" and start the counting.  1... 2... 3... WHAM.  I miss a beat and the jump rope tumbles around my ankles.  I have to start again.

If the jump rope analogy doesn't work for you, how about the owl?  You know, the one in the Tootsie Roll lollipop commercial... hear the wise owl ask: "How much silence does it take to get to the center of your soul?"  One, two, three, CRUNCH!  Oops.  Busted, again.

Maybe you can't relate to my odd analogies.  You bask in silence so much that you are always even keel, at peace, calm, etc.  Great!  Share your secret! 

Here is my story.

I am learning that it takes more and more silence for me to exist in a wholehearted and healthy place than it did once before.  Or, maybe it did then, but I am recognizing it more and more.  Yet, it does feel that my need for silence is growing, the more I get.

Part of the situation is that I was super blessed to be in that two week protective "bubble" of retreats with SOULfeast in NC and the FUMSDRL time in MN back to back.  I had quite a bit of silent time in both places and my soul was full, to overflowing. 

Coming back home, I created space for silence by attending the Centering Prayer group one day, by walking the Labyrinth at church, by spending time at my firepit, by taking some walks by myself, and by taking "pause" breaks throughout the day.  Ahhh...  yes, for those moments.  But, they didn't seem to fill my tank to where it was with those two weeks back to back. 

I began to wonder if possibly my need for silence on my journey is growing.  This silence journey has been an ongoing one for quite a few years now.  Oh, going back at least 7 years when the Scripture "Be still and know" first grabbed hold of me and started planted itself deep within my soul.  I have been learning, slowly yet surely, how to live into that. 

In spite of the growth on the journey, the skills and practices learned, and even the time taken for the silence and stillness, I am finding that I tend to want more of it. 

It is almost as if the more silence I experience, the more I desire.  Truly, I often hunger and thirst for it, crave it. 

Though I still enjoy listening to the radio in the car, I find I turn it off more frequently.

It may very well be that my tank stayed so full those two weeks because there wasn't much to drain it, but there was constant filling.  Compare that to the normal (and not so normal) expectations of daily life that do and will drain the tank. 

It may be that the tank simply drained more quickly than it was being filled.  So, even though I was doing the right thing by "being", it simply couldn't handle the drain.

When one hits the wall of the drain being more than the filling, one quietly takes a time out and goes to fill up, right?!?!  That would be beautiful.  And, I hope to accomplish that more often.  There are times when I catch myself and can do that.  There are times I can recognize the symptoms and know that if I don't plunge myself into silence and solitude, then it is going to get ugly. 

However, there are other times that the warning signs don't seem to work, and I combust.  Like this time.  Last night.  I allowed the ugly dark side to flow through strongly and take over.  Even though it was slightly provoked, I still had a choice in my reaction.  Thankfully, there was still room for forgiveness and grace for both of us.

Regardless, the incident made me reflect about my practice of silence and solitude... and how much does it take to keep my soul whole and healthy.  It was a good warning sign for me to check my tank more often for leaks and to be aware of what does drain my tank.

How about your times of silence?  Are they sufficient to allow you to listen to the One Voice, to clear away the noise and clutter, and to simply "be"?

Now, for my afternoon "pause"........

Blessings on your journey,

Debra

P.S.  I decided to do a search on "how much silence is necessary for your soul?", but couldn't find a hard and fast rule of thumb.  I imagine it is one of those things that is unique to each one of us and will also be determined by life's situations surrounding us (meaning whether or not there is a leak in our tank).  I did find some interesting articles and a helpful website.  I am posting only four of them here.  There is much more available out there in cyberspace and in books.  It's a topic I've covered before too, so you could search within my own postings on "silence" ☺.   It is a topic I will write about again too because living into the practice of silence is an ongoing learning and growth journey.

Why We Need Silence to Survive by George Michelsen Foy
The Power of Being Still (and Silent) before God by Peter Scazzero
About Silence, An Invitation to Silence, Practicing Silence, A Story of Silence
Finding God in the Depths of Silence by Richard Rohr