It's almost here. The silent retreat, The Big Silence, that I signed up for several months ago is finally here.
I'm excited. I really am.
For those of you who know me, you know I'm an extrovert. Yet, I'm an introverted extrovert. I've learned over the years that I need my silence and solitude in order to be who I'm created to be. I live, love, and lead more effectively when I take/make time for silence and solitude.
The Academy for Spiritual Formation and SOULfeast, among other offerings from The Upper Room, have been life savers for me in learning that rhythm of inward and outward flow.
The Fellowship of United Methodist Spiritual Directors and Retreat Leaders (FUMSDRL), also known as Hearts on Fire, has also spoken into my life through retreats and board meetings.
I have done a Centering Prayer day retreat up at St. Mary's Sewanee a couple of years back (and another 1/2 day one during lent or advent one year).
Last year I did a clergy group in which we took a retreat at the end (after studying Ruth Haley Barton's book on Silence and Solitude) and spent quite a bit of time in silence up at St. Mary's in Sewanee, TN. That was super.
Recently, I found the SoulCare Project here in Chattanooga and have participated in a couple of day retreats with silence and time for my soul to catch up with my body.
I don't make it as often as I'd like, but I try to make it to a Centering Prayer group here in town. When I do make it, my soul is refreshed.
However, taking a 4 day silent (mostly all silent) retreat has not been something I've been able to do yet. It has been on my bucket list. Yep. Not as something to simply do and cross off, but rather as something to live into and continue as I can.
As Rafiki from the Lion King would say, "It is time."
How do I know? The timing has been affirmed over and over. I was hesitant to sign up at first, but after prayer and discernment, I took the plunge. It has become evident that this is the right timing in my journey to do this, because of many different things going on. I am grateful for the nudgings so many months ago.
As I prepare to enter the silence, I realize I honestly don't know what to expect. I chuckle to myself as I recall reading Ruth Haley Barton's comments about going to a silent retreat once and how it took time to settle down into it.
I've done all the work stuff I can ahead of time for next week. I set my work phone message to let folks know I'd be away. I still need to set emails to show "out of office" if I can figure that out. We'll see.
I have my hammock ready to go with me (it's supposed to be warm weather, in the 50s).
I have a regular camera in case my phone camera won't work. Contemplative photography is a big part of my silent time, so I imagine I will spend time in reflection through nature and that pictures will be part of that process.
I have my journals ready. Yes, that was plural. I'm going to use this opportunity to go back and read the journals from my time in the 2 Year Academy.
Hmmm.... my flute? It's not silent, but it is a way for me to connect. We'll see. I haven't prayed my native american flute in a long time.
I have the Henri Nouwen book we were asked to read, The Way of the Heart. I haven't quite finished it yet. I have a few other Nouwen books and a McClaren book ready to jump in with me too.
What do I expect? I expect to meet with the One who created me. I expect to "be still and know". I look forward to the time to listen. To simply be.
Honestly, my body is so tired right now, I will probably sleep some too. But as I learned in the Academy from numerous presenters, 'sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do during this hour is nap'. That was often said (in different ways) as we finished our teaching time and headed into our hour of silence and reflection.
After about 3:30pm or 4pm on Sunday afternoon, January 15th, I won't be present in the virtual world. I won't be checking emails. I won't be making or taking phone calls. A technology fast.
That means one of my spiritual disciplines, blogging, will need to wait as well. I suppose. We'll see. Writing is a spiritual discipline for me and I've not had lots of time to write and reflect lately. But, maybe at this retreat it will all be hand-written. That'll be different for me.
As I enter into this experience, I enter with palms opened up to my Creator with no agenda other than to accept the gift of receiving whatever it may be that God has for me in this adventure.
Blessings on your journey,
Debra
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