Well, I haven't been able to write in a few days. I'm at a place that has limited wifi access and I have limited time to write. Well, that's not 100% true. I've been writing so much that the radiculopathy in my left shoulder and arm has returned some. But that's due to taking so many notes! (I was told to take "copious notes". I would have done so anyway.) :)
Where am I? I'm at a 5 Day Academy, sponsored by the Upper Room at Camp Garner Creek in Dickson, TN. The creek is not much more than rocks and a few pockets of water here and there because of the drought. Even so, this is a beautiful place.
The theme for this Academy is Journey into Joy: the Pathway and the Pilgrimage. Journey, Pathway, Pilgrimage, Joy. Those are words that resonate within me. The title hooked me the first time I saw it. One of the speakers, Marjorie Thompson, wrote the book SoulFeast that I've referred to previously in a couple of my blogs.
I'm trying to figure out what to write about tonight. There are so many thoughts running through my mind, so many teachings I could share. Quotes, Scriptures, prayers, conversations.... I'm not sure where to begin.
God has affirmed to me that this is where I'm supposed to be. God has also done some other things to me and for me (and it is only Tuesday and I arrived on Sunday). I see the connections to SoulFeast, the SEJ Lay Speaking Conference I attended, the blogs, conversations I've had..... It is difficult to put into words some of what I'm experiencing.
What am I hearing and learning? To trust, to let go, to give up control. To risk, to yield, to submit, to accept, to receive. To continue to dive deeper, to rest well, to listen, to be intentional.
I guess I could talk about "living into the calling". I was once asked by a pastor when I would accept my "calling". I think he meant into the ministry, as in preaching. As I saw it, I was in ministry and had been for many years. My "pulpit" was a college lectern. I did ministry in other ways too. But since 1988 when I preached my first sermon, I've not been able to get away from thinking about a possible call.
Now, I can speak (or preach) as a Certified Lay Speaker in my tradition/denomination and I do. So, that's not really an issue. As the years went by, the see-saw between laity and clergy went back and forth. I went through the Ministry Inquiry book, starting in the fall of 2006. I have maintained that I am a good bridge between laity and clergy and can be a "pastor" to the pastors. Having served on committees and as chair of a certain one, I've thought twice about wanting to be in a pastoral position.
Yet, a call persists. What is that call? It is a call to the sacraments. Serving communion. Baptizing. Oddly, stoles and communion sets grab my attention wherever I am. I thought it was just an oddity, a fanciful liking to objects that wouldn't go away.
My two years at Asbury Theological Seminary helped me refine calling to discipleship, spiritual formation, and leadership. But I remained on the bridge, staying closer to the laity side. I've had conversations with folks who've said they could see me as a teaching elder, for me to consider local pastor, deacon with sacramental orders.
Today, God basically told me to quit messing around, to do what I'm supposed to do. OUCH. I probably have more questions now than I have answers. But since I've been learning to live into the questions, that's okay. It's not up to me to figure out what it's going to look like or how it's going to happen. I'm just supposed to respond. And, today, I'm responding with YES! I accept and receive the sacramental call and will live into what God has called me to be. I will trust God to guide me. I will lean on God.
I think back to the Bread of Life Sunday School class many years ago. One Sunday a guy came into class saying he had had a weird dream and I was in it. I was dressed up like a pilgrim with the collar and everything. He tried to interpret it and couldn't. I wonder if he was fore-telling that I would be a pilgrim on a pilgrimage to grow closer in my relationship with God? Who knows. :)
Here is a prayer that I heard Sunday night. It is adapted by Irenaeus (2nd century) and is found in the Upper Room Worship Book, #348.
It is not you who shape God,
it is God who shapes you.
If, then, you are the work of God,
await the hand of the artist who does all things in due season.
Offer the Potter your heart,
soft and tractable,
and keep the form in which the Artist has fashioned you.
Let your clay be moist,
lest you grow hard and lose the imprint of the Potter's fingers.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What in your life are you willing to yield to God, to let go, to risk? Are you offering the Potter your heart?
Here is the Scripture verse for the Academy-- Jeremiah 6:16 (NIV): "This is what the LORD says: Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls."
I am spending time looking, asking, and listening this week. I am seeing God bring some things together that humans could not bring together for months. I am amazed at God's sense of timing and humor.
I am humbled and blessed that God would affirm to me something I thought was just a child's fancy for certain objects. It doesn't change my call to be a guide to folks through the wilderness or to pursue spiritual direction as a director. It will probably enhance it. Who knows?! The One who is doing the calling. The One who will have to open doors to make it happen.
Meanwhile, I will continue to listen, to rest, to study, to engage in the spiritual practices set before me.
What a journey!! Who would have known?!?! And it feels like I'm just getting starting. :)
If you too are standing at the crossroads, or wherever you may be, may your clay be moist as you offer your heart to God and ask where the good way is.
~Debra
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