It was the largest congregation I had ever been in front of for preaching. I have been in front of this congregation before in the Traditional service to read Scripture, the Affirmation, help with the offering and pray. But, those are all short-term activities. Preaching lasts a little longer. Was I nervous? Yes. Nervous from the day my mentor and I discussed it. Nervous like up on the trapeze platform again or on the edge of the rock formation about to rappel off. This was risky! But, I took the first step or leap. And, I'm glad I did.
As I've shared before, I never planned to be a teacher. Professors in college recommended me for a Teaching Assistantship at SUNY Stony Brook. The very first day that I was in the classroom, it felt right; it fit. I grew into becoming a better teacher over the course of the 24 years. I made lots of mistakes along the way, but it was me and I was in the right place.
I have spoken at other churches. My very first time was at Christ Church in Port Jefferson Station on Long Island. It was my last Sunday there, as it turned out. The pastor had long before planned to be on vacation and had asked me as a Lay Speaker to do pulpit supply. At the time we didn't know that I would be moving back south. "Are You Available?" was the title of my first sermon. Since then, I have spoken maybe two handfuls of times (including yesterday's 3 times). Each time, it has felt good and right. But, there was something yesterday, during that 3rd time, during the Contemporary service, that clicked and felt very right. Just like teaching felt.
That is exciting and scary as all get out to me. On one hand, I want to explore that and see where it leads. On the other hand, I want to bury that sucker deep down because it scares the heeby jeebies out of me. (Heeby jeebies is a colloquialism-- apologies to the many foreign readers. I am not sure of a better expression here.)
I received some insightful and encouraging feedback both yesterday and today. I have lots of room to grow in this area, in both my preparation and delivery. Just as I had lots of room to grow in my teaching from the time I first stepped into the classroom.
I'm not claiming to know where I'm headed yet. I'm not even claiming that I clearly see a new piece to the puzzle. All I'm saying is that this is something that I enjoy and I might very well be cut out for it. I'm leaving it in Someone else's hands still.
My parents came up from Dalton, GA to hear me. That was a very cool and pleasant surprise. My mom heard me back in 1989 when I spoke on Long Island. My dad had never heard me speak. It meant the world to me that they would drive up the road to support me and hear whatever it was that I might have to say.
Besides my parents coming, there were a few other things that happened yesterday morning prior to me preaching. Of those, the biggest two are indebted to a sister in Christ who was preparing for this day and praying for all of those in the service and the congregation. One was seeing the prayer card she had written out for the day and seeing the crown of thorns in the middle. She reacted when I walked in the door with a crown of thorns as well. That was a God thing for me. The second was seeing the quote for the day in the Green prayer book called A Guide to Prayer for All Those Who Seek God. It's the one Guide book I didn't have yet, so I hadn't read what it said for Sunday. The Blue and Red had some good quotes, but my breath was taken away as I read what was in the Green book. This prayer guide is edited by Rueben Job. Here is what she shared with me:
"We began the seasons of the church year with anticipation, and we end the seasons of the church year declaring a certainty. In Advent we waited for the needed and longed-for definitive and ultimate self-disclosure of God in the birth of Jesus of Nazareth. On Reign of Christ Sunday we celebrate the fulfillment of the biblical revelation of God in Christ.
This grabbed my attention because of what the sermon held within it, and the title: "Does God Rain?".
Wow! Another God-thing.
Not only am I grateful to my mentor for this opportunity, but for all of those who prayed for me, near and far, and for those who stayed awake during the sermon. ☺ [That's what my daughter prayed for when she went off to Kidzone.... she lifted me up in prayer... that no one would fall asleep during the sermon. That was probably a good thing too as I wasn't as lively and interactive in that first service.] I'm thankful for all the kind comments and expressions of how folks were moved to action or what stood out to them or that they were able to clearly understand me. One comment was something to the effect that they support me in my calling. That one scared me!! It caused me to back up a little bit and remind them that I wasn't fully sure of what that calling is/was.... so they edited it to say that they supported me no matter where or how God is calling me. Whew!! You see, I still resist Christ the King... it is scary to say "yes", to follow and obey. Even if it's only for a 3 month position while someone goes out of town, right?!?! (hehe ☺) [Actually, I shouldn't put that in here because if the right person reads this, I'll be held accountable and reminded that at least she submitted and said "yes".]
I've said "yes" to alot of things over the past year. I've told God "okay" as God has brought things into my path and asked me whether or not I would accept these gifts of inheritance that were offered to me. I have shared in past blogs the things I've said "yes" to, even after my "arguing" and "wrestling" with God. I don't know where any of those things will lead. All I know is that I have a choice whether to accept them or not. The outcome is not up to me. It is up to God. At each crossroad, I have had to decide whether or not I would accept and live into what I felt was being asked of me or reject it.
And, truthfully, the reason I get scared today? I'm there again. Can't I get a break around here? Whew! This growing stuff is stretching me a little thin here. I need one of those "Stretch Armstrong" dolls... if anyone knows what I'm talking about..... but, writing about that is just putting off the inevitable.
The answer is: Yes, Lord, yes. Whew. I said it. Now that I've accepted it, maybe God will let me rest a little.... maybe?!?!? Just in case it's not clear, I'm saying yes into living in to my preacher me, whatever that means and whatever that is to be.
What is God asking you to answer? How is God stretching you? Are you willing to answer "yes"?
Keep on pressing on... this journey is an awesome adventure!
~Debra ☺
P.S. I will post the sermon in the next day or two.
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