Simple Presence: a reading from Ash & Starlight

Last week we had our monthly "Simple Presence" for our Spiritual Direction cohort.  They are offered in the morning and in the evening on the first Tuesday.  Normally I have a commitment on Tuesday mornings, but this past Tuesday we weren't meeting, so I was able to join in on the morning session.  What was shared was perfect for me to hear and contemplate.

The leader for this Simple Presence was Kristi.  She shared a reading from Ash & Starlight: prayers for the chaos & grace of daily life (Chalice Press, 2019).  This was an unfamiliar book to me and I knew I needed (wanted) it from the reading she shared.  I honestly think "needed" is fair as the writings are incredibly poignant for anyone on the faith journey, though there will be a few people who will argue with me "needing" any book.  

I ordered the book and it arrived on Saturday. I opened the package today, Sunday, and started reading the preface and thumbing through the book.  I learned that the author, Arianne Braithwaite Lehn, has a blog by the same name as the book: Ash and Starlight.  In case the link doesn't work for you, the blogsite URL is her full name (above) then "dot" com.

The reading she shared was: "When I'm struggling to accept my life right now" on pages 30 and 31.

There were many things that caught my attention, but the very first part was extremely relatable as I had just cut my thumb a week ago from the day.  I knew the flesh wound that was healing slowly and was able to connect to the words easily.

"Completely Gracious One, 

Forgive me.

I've slipped into cynicism this week, 
hanging my heart on negativity
rather than hope, covering bloody wounds
rather than opening them 
to the air of your healing.

Air can sting."

As I contemplated on the healing of wounds in the openness rather than covering them up, the reading continued to provide more for my reflection:

"I've been asking you 
for a change in my circumstances.
And I've been complaining.

Sometimes, you want a

change of conditions, 
and you equip me to

make that happen.

But maybe what 
I need this time
is not a change of what's around me, 
but a change inside me.

My heart, 

not my circumstances.

Maybe a change in heart

will lead to a change 

in circumstances?"

Hmmmm.  A change in heart.  Circumstances aren't always what need to change, bur rather it is my/our inside, my/our heart that requires a change.  Here again is another deep place for reflection, to simply rest and reside on these thoughts.  But no!  There is quite a bit more...

"But, for now, the changed

heart will be enough.

Instead of discontent, gratitude.

Rather than jealousy, generosity.

In place of judgement, compassion.

Replacing anger, laughter.

Mold my heart, God, into

the form you want it to be.

Lead me to my courage.

Kindle and warm what

has grown cold in me.

Energize the passions lying lethargic. 

In this day, help me stand before all my life

with a trusting, open heart.

That's a good enough change for now.

I will ask you about those circumstances later."

Oh, wow!  Gratitude. Generosity. Compassion. Laughter.  I could see these things flowing from a heart, representing a changed heart. The praise song "Spirit of the Living God" came to mind with the line "melt me, mold me, fill me, use" as it heard the words 'mold my heart'.  'Lead me to my courage' speaks to me as I seek to live, love, and lead like Jesus. The word 'kindle' causes my to think of the prayer "Come, Holy Spirit" and the line that says "kindle in them the fire of your love". The expression 'trusting, open heart' caused me to think of having open hands, being open to whatever God offers/brings.  

The reading still isn't over.  It ends with this: 

"I praise you as

the heart-renewing

God who is good, 

the God who is able, 

the God I love, 

and the God of us all.

Amen."

Ah, yes.  There is praise at the end and a recognition of who God is and God's character.  There is strength and hope in these words: 'heart-renewing God'.

Another song that came to mind from this reading was "Change My Heart, Oh God".  

Of the suggested Scripture passages with this reading, we looked at 2 Corinthians 12:9-10--"He said to me, “My grace is enough for you, because power is made perfect in weakness.” So I’ll gladly spend my time bragging about my weaknesses so that Christ’s power can rest on me. Therefore, I’m all right with weaknesses, insults, disasters, harassments, and stressful situations for the sake of Christ, because when I’m weak, then I’m strong."

Grace.  God's grace is sufficient for us.  It is enough. Thankfully, grace is always available to us, if we'll receive it, accept it.  Grace can carry us through the things listed in verse 10: weaknesses, insults, disasters, harassments, and stressful situations.

The reading and the Scripture passage were both powerful for reflection.

The entire book is full of readings and Scripture passages for different situations.  I imagine this will become part of my prayer life.

As you reflect on this reading and the Scripture passage, spend some moments in silent reflection.  What resonates most with you?

Peace on your faith journey, wherever you find yourself this day.

May the heart change begin!

Rev. Deb

A New Beginning-- thoughts and reflections from last night's midweek Vesper's service

I was able to attend the Mid-Week Vespers service at Hixson UMC last night.  I wasn't able to attend last week due to the Church Conference at the church I attend, but that was a blessing to attend because I was able to speak with our District Superintendent.  I was also encouraged by reports shared that evening by members of our congregation and the District Superintendent.

Though I didn't write about it, the week prior at mid-week vespers turned out to be very special to me because there was a God-appointment there for me that I knew nothing about until I showed up.  I often help with the service in varying roles as needed.  That night there was no one to read Scripture, so I was asked to read the Scripture portions and glad to do it.  Before the service began, a friend that I hadn't seen in a while entered the sanctuary.  Last spring she had told me how meaningful these services were to her.  It was neat to see her.  The God-appointment was with her.  We stayed in the sanctuary talking after the service for a while.  It was a blessing to sit and listen and share with her.

Back to last night...

The theme was "A New Beginning" from A Guide to Prayer For All Who Seek God..  Two readings from the reading reflections were shared during the service.  One was by Rueben Job (p.401-402) and the other by William Shannon (403). 

It is always good to enter the sanctuary, to sing the reflective songs, to listen to the Scriptures and reflections, to have time in silence.  This worship service allows my spirit to reconnect with my body, by taking the time to breathe, and allowing my body to rest for a few moments, I find that my soul is always refreshed and refilled after the short time of worship.

The quote above by William H. Shannon touched several connection points in my life and caused me to reflect on change, reality, and prayer.  William H. Shannon is a new name for me, so I researched him and learned that he was a Thomas Merton scholar who passed in 2012.  You can read the homily shared at his funeral here.

The songs that we sang last night can be seen in the bulletin in the second picture shown above:

"As We Gather"

(CHORDS FOR "As We Gather") 

"Three in One Praise"

"Holy Ground"

"The Steadfast Love of the Lord"

"Live Christ" 

The incense had been lit prior to when I entered the sanctuary and the rising smoke was visible.  That always brings to mind the Scripture passage Psalm 141:2--"Let my prayer be counted as incense before you, and the lifting up of my hands as an evening sacrifice."

I appreciate the opportunity to rest my heart, mind, body, and soul in a worship experience.  It is also a wonderful opportunity for me as it isn't the local church where I worship, but another church near my home.  That allows me to worship within the connectional system, as it is another United Methodist congregation.  If it were a different denomination, that would  allow me to worship in an ecumenical way, and that would be a wonderful opportunity too.

I won't quote the entire Rueben Job quote, but I will share this from the first paragraph: "Life itself provides a constant opportunity to grow, and to grow is to become new, to have a new beginning.  How is God calling you to begin anew today?" (401)

Blessings on your new beginnings, 

Debra

Encouraged by community...taking the next step

Sometimes a big step doesn't seem like a big step at the moment.  It simply is the next step on the path.  In walking the journey, I've come to refer to them as the next clearly lit step, though they aren't all necessarily clearly lit. ☺

This past Monday was one of those "next steps" for me.  In one way, it was a typical follow-up meeting at the end of the summer with the District Board of Ordained Ministry.  In another way, it wasn't so typical because they didn't just want to hear where I was with things on the Candidacy journey.  This meeting was to determine my readiness to move forward toward Provisional Elder and whether or not they were going to recommend me to the Bishop and Holston Conference as ready for it. 

Though I felt like I had done everything I could do and have applied much of my learning in seminary along the way, I was a little apprehensive going into this meeting.  Nervousness isn't a bad thing.  I had that feeling the first day of every Fall semester as I stood before the classroom to teach.  I have that feeling as I stand up to preach.  It usually goes away in a bit, as I settle in and things get started.  So, yes, I was nervous somewhat this past Monday. 

But while waiting in the office for my appointment time, God was good!  I had conversations about raccoons and children, ministry and life with Melissa and Clair.  Then a pastor came in that I didn't know to pick up materials for his church.  When he mentioned the name of his church, I did recognize it.  I had just preached there recently, the Sunday before he came.  I introduced myself and let him know I had preached at his church.  Joe D. and I started talking and somehow I learned fairly quickly that he was planning to attend the TN 5 Day Academy in October, that he knew all about the Academy for Spiritual Formation, and we were speaking the same language.  Cool! 

Then I was called into the meeting.   One of the pastors had warmed up a chair for me, so he said.  I know.  It might not have been the best time for a joke, but I asked if it was wired with bombs or something underneath to go "boom" and he said no.  But that it was wired for electricity.  Great response.  Humor is always a good tension reliever for me and allows all folks to breathe and be.

I answered questions and shared where I was in seminary and where I felt God calling me to serve in the immediate future.  I shared about family situations that add some limitations to my ability to move too far from this area at this time. As I continue to seek discernment myself, I know these things:  God is the one who called me into this journey in the first place and put this on me.  And God knows the situations in my own life and family better than I do.  Therefore, God can work it out, giving wisdom and discernment to all the rest of us as we seek it.  I know that really all I can do is to take the next lit step, knowing it won't always be fully clear.

After discussion and question answering, I got kicked out of the room for a while so they could discuss their recommendations.  I hung out in the library.  That was a good time for me to continue living into the unknown, surrendering all to God, and thanking God for the journey thus far. 

Then I was invited to come back in.   I am grateful for the folks in that group.  Not only do they give of their time for listening and discernment, but they come to the table as real folks.  My interaction with them was encouraging for me. 

When I came back in the room, I noted that they had been laughing quite a bit and I wondered if they were laughing in Spanish.  (Phonetically, it wouldn't make a difference.... but it is spelled "jaja" instead of "haha".)   I don't know why that came to mind, but it did.  And it led to a brief conversation of me sharing that I had preached once in Spanish, at the Academy, and that was one of the most affirming and rewarding sermons I had preached. 

The chairman told me that the committee was recommending me onward to the Holston Conference.  They shared some dates and some other things with me.  Then, a fellow to my left that I know from the Lay Servant Committee prayed for me before we dismissed. 

Wow!  I was "nervexcited".  That has been my daughter's word for being nervous and excited about things.  That's how I felt.  I couldn't let out a "yahoo" inside, but waited until I got outside.  It wasn't a loud one, but it was there.

I am excited to continue on this adventure.  I am also nervous.   I could go into detail.  But I'm really not sure about all that lies ahead on the horizon that causes my excitement or nervousness.  I imagine time will tell.  And/or some of those further along the journey might could give some insight too.  And, then, I've had quite a bit of life and ministry experience... and maybe that's the excitement and nervousness. 

Regardless of what lies ahead in the distant future, I know what I need to do for my next steps.  There is a meeting and there are questions to answer.  Meanwhile, there are courses to finish for the summer and then fall semester starts about a week after I finish summer semester. 

As I continue this journey of ordination, moving through the process toward Provisional Elder, I am also extremely aware of and grateful for the community that has surrounded me to hold me up, to encourage me, to spur me on.  There are folks locally, internationally, throughout the United States..... many whom I only see via technology and many who read about my journey through this blog yet don't respond.... But I know you're there.  And I want to say thank you.

Thank you for the prayers.  Thank you for the words of encouragement.  Thank you for the questions about how it's going.  Some of you have been on this journey with me for the long haul.  Some of you have just joined in recently.  You play an important role in my journey.  Therefore, my journey is in part your journey.  

At the risk of posting a photo that might repel some folks, I'm going to do it.  The connectivity of community reminds me more and more of a spider web as we connect and intersect with one another, holding one another up and keeping one another buoyed and strong.  This is what community means to me.  All the various communities that touch my life.... from my local church, to Hearts on Fire, to the Emmaus community, to the Academy community, to my Dalton connections, to friends, to family, to Facebook connections, to blog readers, to Mustard Tree Ministries folks, to seminary connections, to former colleagues, to former students, to former teachers, ETC.  There is NO WAY I could list you all.... I would be typing all day and I would likely forget a name.... but I think I captured most categories.

I am thankful to each of you for journeying with me.  I am humbled and truly blessed. 

May you be encouraged by community on your journey,

Debra