Psalm 62--lectio divina reflections

I decided to read some Scripture this morning-- or rather to allow it to read me. Lectio divina, sacred reading, is a reading method that resonates with me.  

It is a spiritual practice that I float in and out of. Having just finished Daniel Wolpert's chapter (chapter 2) in Creating a Life with God on it, I decided it would be a good time to dive in.

A few notes from Wolpert before I share from my lectio reading:

• "...allow the words to sink down into the depths of your being." (52)
• "The Word of God becomes real and alive and active in you right here, right now." (54)
• "Prayer is not a product; it is a relationship." (56)

Looking through Nan Merrill's Psalms for Praying, I landed on Psalm 62 and these two verses (6-7):

For You alone my soul waits in silence;

my hope is from the Beloved.

Enfolding me with strength and steadfast love,

My faith shall remain firm.

In the Silence rests my freedom and my guidance;

for You are the Heart of my heart,

You speak to me in the Silence.

As I reflected, these words "enfolding me with strength and steadfast love" stood out to me. 

This brings to mind my spiritual practice of spending time in a hammock, of being. When I am in a hammock I am enclosed, enfolded, almost as if I am in a cocoon. I am able to to rest in that space, knowing I am held. 

The time strengthens me, refreshes me, renews me.

During the days and months of the pandemic, I spent much time in a hammock.  It was healing. It was transformational. 

It helped me be still. It allowed me rest. I waited in the silence and was reminded of love as I regained strength and hope.

I have been missing hammock time and the reading this morning reminded me of the benefits of this spiritual practice for me.

Hammock time was and is a time of freedom and guidance for me. It is a spiritual practice go-to when I am feeling overwhelmed, stressed, uncertain, tired, seeking connection with the Creator, and/or any other thing.

I truly sense the enfolding of the Spirit in that space.

Where (when, how) do you sense the enfolding love, hope, and strength of the Beloved?

Hammock time isn't the sole time for me, but it is what came up in this morning's reading of Psalm 62.

It is good to listen. 

May the listening bring forth fruit.

So be it.

And, may the adventurous journey continue!

Rev. Deb

Rev. Deb

I started using the title "Rev." quite a while back.  People have called me Rev. for a while. I have been one now for 5 years.  I go by "Pastor" most often.  I used "Rev. Deb" off and on, but not all the time.  I got this t-shirt recently (a few months back) with the word "Rev" in the middle.  Somehow, once I get a t-shirt, things become real.

That sounds odd, doesn't it.  But I have been here before.  I was YEARS into seminary before I really admitted that I was in seminary, much less a seminarian.  I know that sounds odd.  Didn't people know I was in seminary?  Yes.  Didn't I know?  Of course I knew.  I was paying all that money and doing TONS of work. ;)  But why did it take so long for me to live into who I was?  That's the question, isn't it?  That I was living into who I was on a daily basis, yet still not.

It wasn't the first time.  I taught for 24 years.  I never got a teacher t-shirt, though I have shirts from a few of the institutions where I taught.  I even gave a paper at a language conference once during those days.  Yet, it took a while for me to feel comfortable in my teacher skin.  I eventually remembered that I had been a teacher my whole life, from playing the game "Go to the Head of the Class" to teaching my brother math in the old-timey desks in the garage.  I taught at camp, from archery to sports to ropes course, to swimming.  I was even head of archery for several years.  Teaching and leadership were a huge part of my life.

It has always taken me time to become, to unfold, to understand and to live into my calling and identity.  And maybe it isn't so much that I'm not being who I am supposed to be, but there is that next level that one goes to or gets to along the way.

What do I mean?

Well, as I look back at being a pastor, I would tell you that I have been a dedicated one the entire time from my Provisional Elder days to my Ordained as an Elder in Full Connection.  Then, if we looked back a little further, we would look at situations in which LONG BEFORE I knew that I was to be a pastor, others knew.  I was "pastor" to pastors for about a handful of pastors along the way.  As far as preaching goes, that began in 1989 as a Lay Speaker.

It takes me a long time to unfold and live into who I am. :)

Yet, as I am on the journey, I am living it.

So, what changed?  Why "Rev. Deb" now?

Months ago I was told by a church member that when I was ready, he would and could help me go online with services.  I politely told him no thank you and laughed.  There was no way that I would do that, though I would remain open to the Holy Spirit.

March 15th I went online for the first time with Facebook Live because I had to, if I wanted to reach the community.  That was the first Sunday we didn't hold services.  That first Sunday we had no music.  It was just me preaching.  I was EXTREMELY nervous.  We had our technological glitches.  We lived through it.  We had a few people running sound, etc. in the sanctuary.

Week 2, March 22, we added live music and did Facebook live again.  I was still very nervous.  It was nice to have music and folks there, though the number was less than ten.

Then the mandate came to not have gatherings.  We worked with that and found a way to offer services with music, sermon, etc.  I have preached in an empty sanctuary and once from a classroom since.

I never would have predicted this!

It isn't in my comfort zone, but I stepped up because I needed to.  Because I wanted to reach the faith community.

Throughout this time as I have spent much more time in my hammock (hammock time is a spiritual practice for me), I have reflected.  I have wrestled.  I couldn't tell you what was going on, but I could tell that there was change and transformation happening.  It was as if it was time for me to go deeper.  Or, since I play Pokemon Go (but not lately), it was as if it was time to level up.

I have sensed this transformation coming for a while.  Being in the cocoon, yet not knowing what was going on.

Then, this past Wednesday morning, I woke up and bam.  I knew.  I was no longer in the cocoon.  I was free.  It was time.  I watched the horizon that morning, made a morning post and signed it "Rev. Deb".  I knew.  I don't fully understand, yet I know.

Riley and I were able to get some much needed outdoor time that day at Pigeon Mountain and we ate our lunch at the hang gliding launch, Hood Launch.  Oh, if I could fly.  I have only been hang gliding once and that was such an incredible experience.  It was spiritual.  It was freedom.

Here is my post from Wednesday morning:  (4/22)

As I watch the sky this morning and listen to the birds, the rooster, and one goose flying over (where ARE his flying friends?), some things start to come together for me. Some of what I have been going through for weeks makes sense.

I wrestle weekly, more than ever, with a word inside me to come out for the flock. Last week's word of 'living hope' wrestled me like Jacob and broke me open into places I hadn't seen or felt in years. Yet, it allowed me to walk with, to share, to be, to lead.

I have known grace, healing, forgiveness, pain, and brokenness before. These days are at a deeper level. The light and love that are shining into me and through me can only be because of the Creator.

I don't know your greatest need today. So, my thoughts, my hope, my prayer, is that you receive what you most need.

What is on my mind this morning is joy, hope, healing, courage, peace, grace, forgiveness, comfort, and rest. If any of that fits, receive. Allow it. With open hands. If other things are needed, ask. There is One who knows you best.

May this day be a day that marks newness.

Shalom.
Rev. Deb

I've been writing more prayers lately, for Bamboo Encounter and for our 7:25 a.m. and p.m. prayer times that we started during this pandemic time.  Though I'm not sure what that means, I've enjoyed it.

I'll post a picture of my "Rev." shirt and I'll put the blog posts below of my journey of living into being a seminarian and a teacher so you can read those too.  I may even add one of the three hang gliding posts.

I knew transformation was coming because I was being pushed out of my comfort zone in other ways too.  Before we quit worship together, I was praying differently and I miss that.  Listening and obeying the Holy Spirit comes with some arguing from me.  I give in.  It just takes a while.  So, after I start praying differently (I realize that I am not explaining what I did) during service and we go online, there was this one Sunday when I read lyrics to a song that contained the words "I clapped my hands and cried glory".  The first time I read "clapped" out loud, I felt an undeniable nudge from the Holy Spirit and an argument began in my head and I kept reading.  At one time I chuckled and you can see it in the sermon.  I finally gave in and started clapping, one single clap, every time the word came up.

That's just one example of the transformation that I know.  Much is unknown.  We don't see how the caterpillar transforms in the cocoon, we just know it does.

I don't know what things you might be dealing with in these different days or what transformation you might be experiencing.  It is definitely at time for reflection.  I hope for you time for listening and that you will experience healing on the inside and freedom on the outside.

Going deeper and leveling up are part of the adventure!  I am loving this adventurous journey!

Much peace,

Rev. Deb

IDENTITY AND CALLING

I am an alien (October 25, 2010)

Hello, I'm a Seminarian (September 20, 2013)

Live Streaming Moments from Annual Conference... anticipation.... is making me wait (June 11, 2014)

Pushing Back the Dark by Faith (August 11, 2017)

Embracing Soul Care... Identity (June 2, 2018)

HANG GLIDING

HANG GLIDING 1
HANG GLIDING 2
HANG GLIDING 3

I am new...

"I Am New" by Jason Gray

LYRICS:

Now I won't deny
The worst you could say about me
But I'm not defined
By mistakes that I've made
Because God says of me

I am not who I was
I am being remade
I am new
I am chosen and holy
And I'm dearly loved
I am new

Who I thought I was
And who I thought I had to be
I had to give them both up
Cause neither were willing
To ever believe

I am not who I was
I am being remade
I am new
I am chosen and holy
And I'm dearly loved
I am new

Too long I have lived
In the shadows of shame
Believing that there
Was no way I could change
But the one who is making everything new
Doesn't see me the way that I do
He doesn't see me the way that I do

I am not who I was
I am being remade
I am new
I am chosen and holy
And I'm dearly loved
I am new

I am not who I was
I am being remade I am new
Dead to the old man, I'm coming alive
I am new

Forgiven beloved
Hidden in Christ
Made in the image of the Giver of Life
Righteous and holy
Reborn and remade
Accepted and worthy, this is our new name

This is who we are now...

I have heard this song on the radio before and it has caught my attention.  Today, someone shared it during sharing time and mentioned that the video is worth checking out because he takes pieces of old material, even "junk" and creates something new from it all.  So, I decided to look it up.  I found it on YouTube, vimeo, and Godtube.  There are commercials to deal with and/or hesitation in the video on all the sites, at least today.  So, take your pick and see which works best for you.

As I listen to the song, there are several things that strike me/come to mind.  This is a great song about grace and the sanctification process.  We are being made new.  I am being made new.  Like the caterpillar being transformed in the cocoon, I am being remade.  It is an ongoing process.  There is much dross to be burned off, many things to be worked on.  As I go deeper and deeper and attempt to live as my true self, I am being made new along the way.  God takes the old things, the junk in and of my life, and turns them into something beautiful that can be used for worship and praise.  That's pretty amazing.

Continuing along this journey of learning, growing, loving God, and loving others.

Maybe there is something for you here in Jason Gray's song.

Blessings on your journey,

~Debra ☺

Transition time.... waiting, listening, and prayer time.

You may or may not be going through a transition time right now in your personal life.  What about those around you?  Church?  Other family members?  Friends? 

My daughter recently "graduated" or was promoted from 5th grade to 6th grade.  So, after 6 years at our beloved Ganns Middle Valley Elementary, we'll be moving onward to Hixson Middle School in the Fall.  GULP!  Even though this transition is difficult for her, I can tell that she is embracing it because she decorated her manila folder with expressions of saying goodbye to Ganns and greeting Hixson Middle.  She used the colors and wildcat paw print primarily on her artwork.

Our church is facing transition as our senior pastor moves on to the role of D.S. (District Superintendent) and our other pastor retires up north.   We also have folks taking on full time roles from part-time ones and others getting into their roles now that the school year is over.  We also have one staff member stepping out of their role, me. 

I am in transition.  Lots of it.  As a Mom, as Director of Missions (which ends tomorrow), as a Candidate for Ordination (which is simply in transitional process as the journey continues), as a student (the semester is over!), etc. 

I would like to say that I am embracing this transition time in my life, like my daughter.  And, some days I do.  The choices I've made that have led to some of my personal transitions are choices based on my listening to God and discerning what to do.  It still doesn't make it easy. 

Some days I feel like I'm in that cocoon again, struggling to make the wings strong enough to break out of the darkness into the light so that I might be able to fly.  Yet, once this butterfly get out of the cocoon, the wings still need to dry to strengthen before I can fly.  So, whether in the cocoon or outside of it, there is always waiting time. 

Maybe that's what I struggle with most during transition time, the waiting time.  However, from all that I've read about waiting (Sue Monk Kidd, etc.), I know that the waiting time is not lost.  It is not wasted.  It is active time.

Recently, I read a post by Jerry Webber about waiting.  You can read it here: "Waiting Is A Moment Too".  Jerry was one of the faculty members at session #2 of my Academy #32.  Great blog.  Check it out!

Yesterday, at my last staff meeting, the lead pastor read from the introduction to Habakkuk from The Message.

Here is some of that introduction:

"Living by faith is a bewildering venture.  We rarely know what's coming next, and not many things turn out the way we anticipate.  It is natural to assume that since I am God's chosen and beloved, I will get favorable treatment from the God who favors me so extravagantly.  It is not unreasonable to expect that from the time I become his follower, I will be exempt from dead ends, muddy detours, and cruel treatment from the travelers I meet daily who are walking the other direction.  That God-followers don't get preferential treatment in life always comes as a surprise.  But it's also a surprise to find that there are a few men and women within the Bible who show up alongside us at such moments.

     The prophet Habakkuk is one of them, and a most welcom companion he is.  Most prophets, most of the time, speak God's Word to us.  [...] But Habakkuk speaks our word to God.  He gives voice to our bewilderment, articulates our puzzled attempts to make sense of things, faces God with our disappointment with God.  [...]

     [...]

     But this prophet companion who stands at our side does something even more important: He waits and he listens.  It is in his waiting and listening--which then turn into his praying--that he found himself inhabiting the large world of God's sovereignty. [...]" (1692)

Though not explicitly said, this speaks to me about transition and the times in our lives when we don't know what's coming next.  Living by faith is at times a "bewildering venture", yet it's definitely an awesome ADventure too!! ☺  It is comforting to realize that there are folks along the journey that will come alongside us, just as we will come alongside them.  They will pray to God for us; we will pray to God for them.  It strikes me that Habakkuk is a spiritual companion after whom we can model.  He waited and listened.... "It is in his waiting and listening--which then turn into his praying...." (1692)  When we come alongside someone, we can wait and listen, allowing our waiting and listening to become prayer.

Who have been the Habakkuks in your life?

For whom have you been Habakkuk?

Blessing on your journey!  May you be able to embrace the transitions!

~Debra