"The Beautiful Not Yet"-- A virtual retreat featuring Carrie Newcomer

I just finished up a two day virtual retreat with the theme: "The Beautiful Not Yet". This retreat was hosted by Hearts on Fire, an organization I've been connected with for nearing a decade now. Though we weren't able to meet in person at Christ the King retreat center in Buffalo, MN this year, the virtual retreat was so very much worth the time apart.

Prior to the retreat we received a box in the mail with a postcard of a photo of the lake at the retreat center, a small wooden cross, a battery votive candle, a wooden votive holder, a stone with a word carved in it, a notebook for notes, a schedule, and a cloth to arrange things on as our altar.

The box gave me hope, appropriately, as "HOPE" was the word on my rock.

From the box to the opening to the closing, this virtual retreat offered me refreshing water, soaking into parched areas known and unknown to me, seen and unseen by me. I could feel/sense my pores hydrating (metaphorically speaking) as we journeyed through our time together.

I have listened to Carrie Newcomer's songs in the past, have read what Parker Palmer has written about her songs in his posts, and her songs have been shared in our Spiritual Direction cohort. But, this was the first time to meet her up close and personal (as much is possible in a zoom meeting) and to hear her sing "live".

It was also my first time to collaborate on a song with a room full of others and have Carrie sing it to us and with us. What a powerful experience.

FUMSDRL/HOF (Fellowship of United Methodist Spiritual Directors and Retreat Leaders/Hearts on Fire) has been support for me throughout my seminary and seeking journey, going through commissioning and ordination, as well as the journey of being an affirming and welcoming parent.

From the songs to the poems to the large group to the small breakout sessions, there were so many take-aways I have from these two days.

Discussing liminality and both/and make me feel right at home, as those have been places I've lived for many years now.

Click on the link of the poem title to check out the poem "Liminality" that was shared at the beginning of our time. I wrote "wow! re-visit" in my notes after hearing it.

As I re-visit the poem now, this catches my attention:

"I’ve been learning to live with what is,
More patient with the process,
To love what is becoming,
And the questions that keep returning."

There's more in there that speaks to me, resonates with me, but that's good for now. Check it out. What resonates with you?

I spent my afternoon time yesterday (after lunch) in my hammock some, then on the deck with Cliff and a book that came yesterday. It's a book by Gerald May that had caught my attention. The arrival was perfect timing: The Wisdom of Wilderness: Experiencing the Healing Power of Nature.

The Scripture reading in yesterday's closing session was Romans 8:14-16. The Message spoke to me most: 

"So don’t you see that we don’t owe this old do-it-yourself life one red cent. There’s nothing in it for us, nothing at all. The best thing to do is give it a decent burial and get on with your new life. God’s Spirit beckons. There are things to do and places to go!  This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It’s adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike “What’s next, Papa?” God’s Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children."

God's Spirit beckons.

Yes!

God's Spirit beckoned me to participate in this virtual retreat. It was invitational and I'm so grateful I said YES!

I am encouraged to focus more intentionally on daily details and to write out what I see and observe. In the writing exercise this morning I wrote about the clouds I had seen this morning: "dark billowing clouds stacked upon each other in a dark sky". The goal is to include details, to observe whatever it is that catches one's attention.

A quote gleaned from our time together: "You can argue with an opinion, but you cannot argue with a story." ~Carrie Newcomer

Asking people: 'what is holy in your life?' and/or 'where do you encounter love made visible?' are questions that can lead to conversation with others.

This afternoon I took some time to reflect on the word on the rock I received, HOPE. Without sharing everything I wrote, let me share this: "Hope has been a theme for me personally and one I've held for the community I served as we prepared to gather again in person on Pentecost Sunday, 2021. To show we were looking forward to the new next thing and the time of transitioning to both/and worship (both in person and on line), we placed a yellow ribbon around the oak tree, yellow ribbons on the front doors, and yellow ribbons in the pews. [...] Chautauqua gave me hope last summer as I was Chaplain at the Methodist House for a week. A 5 day Academy in NC offered me hope in the fall. My fall residency in Spiritual Direction offered me hope. As I continue to walk a path seen and unseen, there is hope. Hope that healing is happening in me and in others. Hope for a renewed vision. Hope for "being" and allowing the Creator to flow into me and through me. Hope to remain present, in the here, in the now, to lean into this family leave of absence and to make it all that it can be. [...] Hope. A word that also means 'wait' in Spanish and in French: 'esperar'/espérer. May I wait in and with hope!"

I didn't expect to become teary eyed when Scottie Brafford's photo was shown on the screen for the scholarship drawing, but I did. A flashback of times from the 5 Day Academy in TN to FUMSDRL/HOF board meetings and retreats with her flew through my mind. Conversations, laughter, tears, good work done--- all flashed through my mind as I looked at her photo. Though that reminded me that I still miss her, it also reminded me of how grateful I am for those times and all she gave to others and to FUMSDRL/HOF.

I imagine there will be continued reflection(s) on these past two days as the journey continues. There was much to feast upon in our time together.

I am grateful to the board of FUMSDRL/HOF for all the work they did to put this virtual retreat together, to all the participants, and to Carrie Newcomer for what bringing her gifts and graces to the space.

It was truly a time of connecting, of renewal, of hope and healing for me.

And that was holy!

May you know deep peace in your journey, 

Rev. Deb

Fall Colors

I had a moment today to reflect on what the colors of the changing leaves mean to me. As I paused and reflected, I spoke of "the beauty of the color of death."

That phrase was given back to me. It was almost as if it hadn't come from my mouth. Yet the words ring true in how I see the fall colors of the leaves, recognizing that their beauty comes as they are aging and dying. They are preparing to let go of the branches and limbs that have sustained them thus far. Then they return to the ground. 

The yellows, the reds, the oranges... the colors truly are beautiful, especially as the sun brightens them. 

Yesterday on the campus of Columbia Theological Seminary, one tree caught my attention with its leaves glistening in the sun. It was that tree that caused today's reflection. 

There are other trees that I observed today and noticed their colors.

Trees are meaningful to me, regardless of season. There are life lessons we can get from trees. My thoughts today are primarily lessons we get on the aging process.

*Leaves show their brightest colors as they age and die.

*Leaves aren't afraid to let go and fall.

*Leaves allow the wind carry them to the ground or wherever their destination might be.

*Leaves on the same tree can be different colors-- red, yellow, orange, adding a layer of diversity to the beauty. 

There is such beauty and elegance in the fall colors of leaves.

Just as there is beauty in the color of death in the leaves, there can be beauty in our lives as created beings as we age and die.

I don't know what life lessons you might take with you from the leaves. It might depend on where you are in life and what is going on.

One thing that resonates with me is the process of learning to let go of what I hold on to and allowing the wind of the Spirit carry me. Another is seeing the beauty in aging, that the color of death contains beauty. 

Carrie Newcomer has a song about leaves, "Leaves Don't Drop".  

Here is the refrain:

Leaves don't drop they just let go,
And make a place for seeds to grow
Every season brings a change,
A seed is what a tree contains,
To die and live is life's refrain

I invite you to listen:  https://youtu.be/3c4mW9MRe-k

If you want to share your thoughts or reflections on the fall colors of leaves and what they bring up for you, I would like to read them. Share in the comments. 

Thanks for joining me on this adventurous journey!

Rev. Deb