Risking vulnerability...

Today I stepped out of my comfort zone in a way that I would really have preferred not to.

You see, next Thursday (weather permitting), I will be stepping off a cliff with an instructor to hang-glide for my very first time.  Now, THAT is the stepping out and stepping off that brings me excitement from the fear.  Though scary, it will be an adventure.  I am truly looking forward to being in the air, in the sky, and experiencing the wind, the silence, the freedom!  I will write more about this later.

But you needed to see the contrast to understand more clearly what today's stepping out meant for me.  Today I finally stopped at the brick house to see if I could speak with the owner.  What brick house am I referring to?  (See posts at the bottom of this post for further reading.)

The one I have been praying over and for... for at least the past two years.  I first started praying for this house when we were looking for locations for My Sister's House, a ministry that offers clothing (primarily) to women going into the work force for the first time or after an extended time off for whatever reason.  Other services are offered, often through connections and referrals.

That brick house just simply stood out as an excellent location for ministry in the Hixson area.  And, I wasn't the only one who thought so.  It simply didn't happen.

Because my schedule changed unexpectedly, I stopped by there on my way home.  I was nervous.  I mean, who in their right mind stops by a business to meet the owner and tell her you've been praying over her building for several years!?!?  It sounds a little wacky!!  Now you see why it was (is) out of my comfort zone.  What I was doing was risking vulnerability.  I was putting myself out there to really be seen as "out there".  Those of you who know me (and those who read me regularly) may be asking yourselves 'what is so odd about that?  you are out there.'  And, you are right.  I don't always do things the way others do. 

I pulled into the driveway and pulled around back.  Gulp!  There were quite a few cars back there.  Of course, that is excellent for business, but one doesn't want too many witnesses to one's confession of praying for the building and the business. ☺

I walk around front and enter the business.  I am greeted by two young bright and cheerful voices and faces at the welcome counter.  The front room looks and smells amazing! (Aveda products). 

In my ignorance, I asked if "Chloë" was working today.  They said she wasn't and then explained that the shopped was named for a grandmother.  They explained that the owner was busy with customers.  I mentioned something about just stopping by wanting to share something with her about the building and that I knew a customer of hers.  Maybe sensing something special OR deciding they needed help in the front room, one of the girls offered to go check in the back for the owner.

A few moments later the owner came out.  I introduced myself, noting that the name didn't mean anything.  I mentioned my friend who had mentioned she was a client.  Then I told her I had been praying for this building for over two years.  I told her that I had been praying that God would use it and bless it.  I shared with her that once I learned it was going to be her business, that I continued to pray for it and her business.  And, I do.  I still pray for that house as I drive by.  Maybe not all the time, but it still catches my eye.  Just now I pray for the salon, the owner, and those who enter. 

It was weird doing this today.  But, for me, it was something I needed to do, something I wanted to do.  I wanted to let her know that she and her business had been prayed for. 

I felt vulnerable.  And, a little sad as I walked out the door and got back in my car.  Yet, at the same time, I know that all things work together for good.

Risking vulnerability isn't easy.  Ever.  It means putting ourselves out there. 

Today was worth it for me.  I hope the owner didn't think I was too crazy.  It's okay, though, if she did.

If you're local, and you're looking for a salon, check it out: Chloë Hair Colour & Design.  It's on 5922 Hixson Pike, Suite 112.  Their phone number is 423-842-0556.  Mindy Kelly is the owner and certified color educator.

Check out their Facebook page by clicking here.

Here's a quote by Brené Brown I saw recently on the SoulCare Project Facebook page:

"Our willingness to own and engage with our vulnerability determines the depth of our courage and the clarity of our purpose; the level to which we protect ourselves from being vulnerable is a measure of our fear and disconnection. When we spend our lives waiting until we’re perfect or bulletproof before we walk into the arena, we ultimately sacrifice relationships and opportunities that may not be recoverable, we squander our precious time, and we turn our backs on our gifts, those unique contributions that only we can make." -Brené Brown, author of Daring Greatly


Take a few moments and read over the quote.  Chew on it for a while.

I liked the quote so much that I ordered the book to see what else Brené had to say in that book.  I'll let you know when I get the chance to read it. 

I engaged in my own vulnerability today.  It wasn't anything huge; but it was something.  I walked into an arena, a very nice smelling one.  I don't know what, if anything was accomplished.  Or, if there was anything meant to be accomplished.  What I do know is that I followed through on something I knew I was called to do.

What in your journey would allow you to risk and engage in your own vulnerability?

Blessings on your journey!

Debra

Past blog posts about the brick house:

Letting Go... (August 27, 2013)Questioning the Direction, or Lack Thereof... (February 28, 2013)

Letting go....

Letting go comes in many ways, at many times, of many things.

Today, I am letting go of part of a dream that has been calling out to me for several years.  I'm letting go of it--even though it was never mine.

I knew I might need to let go of this part of the dream when the house had been taken off the market again; but since there wasn't any activity in the house or yard, I didn't give up hope.

Let me back up.

There was this house.  A brick house.  Situated on a prominent road (Hixson Pike) in my area.  It seemed to called out my name every time I drove by it for the past several years.  Great house (from the pictures) and a great location.  For my thoughts involving Hispanic ministry, there are Hispanics in the backyard.  I saw this place as a place for learning, worship, ministry, activity.  Ecumenical.  A safe place for people to go and grow. 

There were others who saw this place as a possibility for ministry too. 

I didn't have the money for this place.  So, it was simply a dream.  I did write the owner a letter sharing my dream last fall.  I do weird things like that.

Today I learned that this house is going to be a beauty salon.  That's cool!  That's what it was at one time before.  That is someone else's dream coming to reality.  That is awesome.

Though this house won't be the place for ministry like I've thought about, this house has been prayed for consistently over the past several years and I wouldn't be surprised to learn that ministry will happen within it.

Letting go is a constant part of life.  We need to let go of the things that aren't ours to carry, that are no longer ours to carry, etc.

Sometimes we don't know that we're holding on to things.  Linda Douty wrote a book on that: How Can I Let Go If I Don't Know I'm Holding On?: Setting Our Souls Free (Morehouse Publishing: 2005).  Though I got this book in 2010, I've not read it yet.   Well, I started it.  I read chapter 1. 

Because "letting go" is such a part of life (at least that's my experience), I hope to gain some understanding from Douty's book on the things I may be holding onto unbeknownst to me on the conscious level.

I knew I was holding on to the house.  Now I will let it go.

But I'm not letting go of the dream and vision for ministry.  I don't think that's something to let go of yet.  It may not be time for it yet, but that's okay.  Some things take time.  Time for prayer, bringing others along with similar visions, etc.  Who knows?!!?  Maybe I'm just supposed to support others in their dreams and visions on these things for now. 

My focus at this time is to finish my coursework, unless and until that door closes.  Additionally, there is the focus of family and life. 

So, good-bye ultra totally cool brick house!  May you do well in your new adventures with your owner and may you be a place of peace to all who enter!

There may not be anything in your life, your journey at the moment that needs to be let go.  But, then again, there might be.  Something to consider. 

Letting go brings freedom and space for the things that are supposed to be.

Blessings on your journey,

Debra

Questioning the direction, or lack thereof...

Walking on Chester Frost "beach", 2/12/13 dd

I seem to find myself a few days behind in my devotional reading from time to time.  So, today I picked up Jesus Calling (Sarah Young) and turned to where I had left off, February 26.  What I noticed right away is that I had previously underlined the first two lines and the last line.  Hmmm... I wonder what this has for me today?!?!

February 26

"I AM LEADING YOU, STEP BY STEP, through your life.  Hold my hand in trusting dependence, letting Me guide you through this day."

Okay, I get it.  I know that (head and heart, most days).  I can (mostly, usually) allow God to guide me.  But, right now, I'm not really seeing things clearly.  What I thought might be coming about, isn't.  Yet, the desires and dreams and hopes for it don't dissipate either.  So, what about that God?!?!

Uh.... the next line:

"Your future looks uncertain and feels flimsy--even precarious.  That is how it should be.  Secret things belong to the Lord, and future things are secret things.  When you try to figure out the future, you are grasping at things that are Mine."

Hmmm... now, that is some food for thought.  As well as an "ouch".  I try to live into the unknown, yet I do question and wrestle with things.  I thought I was heading into Hispanic ministry, but things don't seem to be coming together for that right now.  Is that an issue?  It shouldn't be.  I have enough on my plate truly for the moment.  I am finishing up the 2 year bilingual Academy in April and I'm in seminary working toward the M.Div., almost 2/3 of the way there.   So, why does it concern me that I can't see any workings on the Hispanic ministry front?  I guess I want to make sure I'm not the stumbling block, that it truly is simply that it isn't the right time and that God is working it out. 

Every time I pass that brick house on Hixson Pike, I still see it as a ministry place.  How crazy weird is that?!?! (I may not have blogged much about this place.... but it is a house that was on the market and currently isn't.... and I see it as a perfect place for ministry.  It is located in a commercially zoned area.  I continue to see various things going on in that house.  I have even sent a letter to the owner of the house.  There has not been a clear next step, though I sometimes think about stopping there to pray.)

Reading on in February 26:

"Whenever you find yourself worrying about the future, repent and return to Me.  I will show you the next step forward, and the one after that, and the one after that."

I know that.  I tell other people that. ☺  I can only take the next step revealed to me and that is all that I am to focus on.  Oh, so right now, all I am really to focus on is finishing the bilingual Academy experience well and my seminary courses (John Wesley for this semester).  I finish teaching my BeADisciple class this week too.  I think I am finishing that well.  And, then when it is time, the next step will be revealed.

Sometimes I get ahead of my own journey.  It isn't always easy to remain in the present.

The last line of the devotional for February 26:

"Relax and enjoy the journey in My Presence, trusting Me to open up the way before you as you go."

Okay, I get it.  I will try to relax and enjoy, though "relax" and reading 52 John Wesley sermons don't quite go in the same sentence. ☺

But, as far as my ordination journey goes and the outcome..... and ministry in general..... I can let that go (pry those fingers loose!) and allow God to reveal each step to me, step by step.  Whew!  It is NOT up to me to find the steps or make the steps.  I am to "relax" and enjoy the journey as God reveals those next steps to me.

I think a meditative hike in the woods, where you focus step by step might do me some good.  That might help me physically slow down enough to coordinate physical and mental and spiritual.  Something to consider.  Something to look into.

In addition, last night's Bible Study at church, God Provides, focused on Jeremiah 29:11 (and surrounding verses).  I think this verse fits in well here.
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

One of the verses listed for the February 26 devotion is Psalm 32:8--"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you."

I don't know about you and your journey.  You may be relaxing and enjoying the journey and fully trusting in God for those next steps.  Or, you might be having one of those moments of questioning the direction.

I hope the words from the devotional and the thoughts and verses shared will bring encouragement and hope to you, no matter where you are on the journey!

Blessings,

~Debra