Embracing Soul Care-- Identity

This afternoon I picked up Embracing Soul Care: Making Space for What Matters Most by Stephen Smith and saw that I'm at part 2 in the book, "Soul Identity: Embracing Who God Created You to Be".

Hmmm... this is going to be an interesting section.

Just today I have been contemplating about this very thing.  Today I was a bee.  Yes, a bee.  And because my name Debra (Deborah-- though I don't spell it thus) means "bee" in Hebrew, I was living into my authentic self.

This is the 2nd year that I dressed up as the Honey Bee for the Honey Bee Metric Ride, which is part of the Honey Bee festival.  Last year I learned rather late that the route would take the riders right by one of the churches I served.  I borrowed my teenager's (Charlie) bee outfit and stood in front of the church cheering on the riders.   A few stopped to get a picture with the bee.  One knew who I was, even in my bee outfit and yelled out my name as he rode by.  He then yelled out his name and I knew how he knew me.  Our church sign welcomed them and encouraged them too.

This year, I made plans to be at the rest stop at Rossville Park, to greet them, cheer them on, and be available for any photo opportunities, if people wanted.  I helped get water for some folks too.  There were lots of photos today.  Riders from last year rode in and had wondered where I was, because I wasn't at the church. Others asked about my bee honeycomb glasses from last year. We couldn't find them for today.

As odd as it sounds, living into being a "bee", who I am, felt perfectly right today. I was able to connect with people in community and with people far away. I lived into part of who I am created to be, someone who connects with others and shares love and encouragement.  That's what this "bee" did today.  Debra, the bee, had a blast living into and embracing that aspect of who God created me to be.

a few pictures-- other folks are sending me theirs

It takes me longer to embrace other aspects of who God has created me to be.  Over dinner Thursday evening I shared that it took me to the nearing the end of seminary to claim I was a seminarian and to buy a t-shirt from seminary. I wrote a blog post about that on September 20, 2013, 6 years into seminary: "Hello... I'm a seminarian." (I started in 2007 and graduated in 2015 with the M.Div. I did get a Certificate in 2009.)

It took me a while to live into being a language teacher and professor too, so it isn't just things related to my faith journey.

I don't think I'm alone in learning to embrace who God created me to be.

In fact, in the chapter I just read, "The Beloved" (Chapter 8), I learned that Gideon struggled to accept who he was called to be and did not accept his true identity as a mighty warrior.  The author states: "We do not see ourselves as God views us.  It takes a lifetime to even begin to realize who we really are in God's eyes." (47)

I have shared that the journey to become a pastor has been a long one for me.  It has been unfolding for many years.  I have wanted to hear correctly the One Voice and not be confused by other voices along the way. As I have traveled the path, folks from SoulFeast, the 5 Day Academy, the 2 Year Academy, FUMSDRL/HOF, seminary, friends, family, Bible Study groups, Centering Prayer group, etc. have been on the path with me.  There have been many discussions, prayers, exhortations, etc. along the way.

As I near Ordination to Full Elder in Connection, I have been reminded of a few things recently.  One is that I preached my very first sermon the last Sunday I was at Christ Church UMC in Port Jefferson Station prior to moving to Dayton, TN to be a language professor at Bryan College.  My first sermon as a Lay Speaker there was "Are You Available?"  I still have it on paper and cassette.  That was nearly 30 years ago.

Then in 1998, on my first mission trip to Costa Rica, we took a trip to Guatemala at the end of the trip.  There, in Chichicastenango, at the market, I saw some gorgeous stoles.  We got one for our pastor at Hixson UMC and I bought one for my pastor that got me into youth ministry and Lay Speaking on Long Island.  There was a nudge in my spirit to get one for myself.  But I pushed it aside.  It didn't make sense.  Why would I, a Spanish and French professor, need a stole?  That was 20 years ago.  I have often given myself a pretend kick in the rear for not having listened to the nudge that day. 

I have learned that even when things don't make sense to me, it's okay to follow through.  The nudges are real.  The Spirit has something in mind.  Whether the nudge is for me to call someone, to send a text, to send a card, to go visit, etc., I am beginning to listen better.  I don't have it down 100%. I'm still learning.  I will always be learning.  But I'm beginning to live into who God has created me to be and I am embracing my identity as a unique beloved child of the Creator.

My identity is in who and whose I am.

As my life unfolds, I am learning who I am to be.  Gideon was called to be a "mighty warrior". 

The author tells us that "Gideon moved forward in courageous faith, certain that God accompanied him.  Knowing God's view of him, Gideon became a mighty warrior." (48)

I hope to continue moving forward in courageous faith.  I hope to keep loving God and others, as I love myself.  The unfolding will continue, day by day, week by week, etc.  It is an adventure to see where all this unfolding will end up!

The author quotes Walter Trobisch, a Swiss Christian psychologist, "We must learn to accept acceptance." (48) He goes on to say, "This is one of the great challenges of the spiritual journey-- to accept the truth about who we are." (48)

Yes, that is true. It has taken me years to learn to accept acceptance.  I don't always do well with it, but again, I am learning and continue to grow in this too.

Growth is a life-long journey. 

I'm exciting to be living into this next step of becoming Ordained as an Elder in Full Connection in the United Methodist Church.

I'm looking forward to more unfolding and growth personally and otherwise.

And, I'm looking forward to next year's Honeybee Metric Ride!  I hope to be able to be the honeybee for another year!

Blessings on your journey,

Debra


P.S. 

To watch the Ordination and Commissioning Service at Lake Junaluska on June 13th at 9am, go to the LIVESTREAMING LINK HERE.

To follow along in the Worship Book for that service, you can download the WORSHIP BOOK HERE.

Ginger and the bee
 (Ginger, my Provisional Elder mentor, has also served in the Rossville community. with me these past 3 years.)