Here Goes.... Faith, Hope, Love.

It's been a few days.  Actually, it's been over a week.  Whew.  That's a long time for me to go without writing.  Well, I have been writing, just not blogging.  I've been writing in my journal.  And, I finished up my "issue/controversy" paper for my polity/discipline course.  It was difficult to streamline that paper to 4 pages.  "3-4 pages maximum" was the requirement.  That didn't give me enough room to even get going. :)  So, I hope to continue the topic in the "big" research paper.  That, plus normal homework, plus my daughter's Spring Break.  Well, it's been a little difficult to find time to sit at the computer and write.

So, what to write?  In a few posts back I mentioned that I had heard several songs on the radio and that I had journaled some things I might share.  I think at least one of those songs will come out in this blog.  Some of the journal might too. 

Ah, I know!  I need to share my new notebook with you!  It's really awesome.  I found it on clearance last week at Target.  It has an old-fashioned typewriter on the front of it with the wording "note to self" above laid out in the old-type keys.  I learned to type on a manual typewriter (in 7th grade, 1977), so this notebook got my attention!  Check it out:

So, that's my new notebook.  I had to have something to write in.  I had actually left home without any way to record writing... no notebook, not even my computer notebook. 

I've been doing quite a bit of reflecting.  In my reflecting, I've realized that I've become more and more passionate as I continue on my journey.  I'm passionate about my personal and spiritual growth as well as passionate about people and helping them learn and grow, whether it is learning a foreign language or helping them along their journey.  I came across a website that listed 20 essential habits of highly passionate people that caught my attention:  http://www.wakeupcloud.com/passionate-habits/.  Interesting reading. 

I've been more intentional since 2006 on my journey as well.  When the call to go "deeper" rumbled within my heart, mind, and soul, I didn't know where it would lead.  I still don't.  I do know that I am on an intentional path to be a follower of Christ-- to learn, to grow, to love God and others, to serve, to be.  I fall short.  I fail.  I seek reconciliation, forgiveness, healing, and restoration.  I get back up.  I continue the journey.  And, knowing that I cannot do it alone, nor am I (or anyone else) called to do it alone, I have attempted to live out my faith journey in community.  

Community can be transient.  I'm being reminded of that these days.  A mentor/friend will be leaving this area in June for the Blue Ridge Mountain area.  Other relationships have just not been the same over the past months.  There is a rumbling underneath the surface.  I'm not sure what is going on.  Why?  For what purpose?  Where have I failed?  What have I done or not done?  I'm reminded of a camp song that we sang at the campfire, especially at the end of the camp session.   I'll have to get my Skyline buddies to help me out.  All I remember is:  

People come, people go

moving fast or moving slow

People come, people go

some leave footprints in the snow

but in the end, you will find, some leave footprints on your mind 

I've probably botched the chorus.  Actually, I know I have.  I'm trying to remember back into the 70's and 80's here.  Where is Polly Cameron and her singing when you need her??  I've googled for lyrics, but can't find them.   

Well, let me get to a song that I've heard recently and one for which I can actually post the lyrics.  This song is "Here Goes" by Bebo Norman.  I've heard it a couple of times in the past week and it resonates within me.

Never got anywhere
By running away
Never learned anything
Without anything
without a mistake
Never loved anyone
By playing it safe
It's a long way down, but
I'm here right now, so...

Here goes nothing,
Here goes everything
Gotta reach for something
or you'll fall for anything
Take a breath,
Take a step,
What comes next
God only knows
But here goes

I don't wanna turn around
and wonder what happened
Never lost and never found
Are one and the same
I wanna run across the battle line
And take my chances
Not the long way 'round
When I'm here right now

Here goes nothing,
Here goes everything
Gotta reach for something
or you'll fall for anything
Take a breath,
Take a step,
What comes next
God only knows
But here goes

Bridge: What good is chance not taken,
What good is life not living,
What good is love not given?

Here goes nothing,
Here goes everything
Gotta reach for something
or you'll fall for anything
Here goes nothing,
Here goes everything
Gotta reach for something
or you'll fall for anything
Take a breath,
Take a step
What comes next
God only knows
But here goes
And God only knows
But here goes

Here goes what?  That's my question.  The song says, "God only knows".  The song resonates with me because I've been doing quite a bit of faith walking and taking those steps.  Steps that have led me back into seminary. Steps that have led me into spiritual direction. Steps that are leading me into a 2 year bilingual academy.  Steps that have led me into blogging.  Steps that are leading me to dive into helping to awaken lay speaking ministry in our district.  Honestly, I feel that I've taken enough faith steps, leaps, and dives.  My trust falls and trust dives have gotten a tremendous workout.  So, why does this song resonate within my heart, mind, and soul?  Why does it feel that I'm about to have to trust God even more?!?!

Faith.  Hope.  Love.  The theme for the recent United Methodist Women's (UMW) District retreat (and overall theme for the UMW this year).  It was good to get away to Camp Lookout and have the opportunity to be in Creation and to hear some good teaching, eat some good food, and enjoy some good fellowship.  (I got to apply some of what I had read from the Kevin Witt article that I posted a few posts back.)

Here are some things I got out of the teaching.  Psalm 51 and Psalm 139 were shared (both being important in my life).  The Runaway Bunny was read to us at the last session.  I've written about that book before.  It is a marker in my life. 

Fatih-- deeper self cannot be open to sacred unless it is cleared out and cleansed out. (Psalm 51).  Faith is relationship.  Trusting God to be faithful.   A rock is an image of faith.  Be open to mending as needed.

Hope--attitude.  Hope pulls us through difficult times and is discovered in unexpected places.  Three attitudes support hope: patience, courage, and persistence.   Hope in Hebrew means 'to twist', 'to twine'.  We made "life lines" by braiding three strands of yarn together.   They were put on the altar and we took someone else's lifeline as a reminder of hope.  The oak tree is a symbol of hope as well.  Looking at an acorn and not knowing what it will be exactly like when it grows, we can believe and have hope that it will grow.  What might this oak tree look like in 5, 10, 15 years?  What will I look like??  Nurture hope in self and others.

Love--going through losses, losing one's heart.  What are my treasures?  What is important to me?  What stuff do we need to throw out that is junking up our hearts?  What do we need to keep?  We lose our hearts at times for a while.  Finding unconditional love.  Love is action.  It has to be given away in order to be received back.  The Runaway Bunny.  God loves us with all of God's being.

It all spoke to me.  It ministered to me.  It provided balm for my soul.  I still don't know where I'm heading.  I still don't have answers to life's situations.  But, I do know that God worked it out for me to be up there on the mountain.  And, I know that God has allowed me to hear not just this song that I've mentioned by Bebo Norman, but others, that have touched me.  

And, all I know to do is to continue on.  I hear Micah 6:8 echoing in my mind: "And what does the Lord require of you?  To act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God."  (that's my not-so-perfect no-major-printed version)

As I continue on my journey, I hope to continue to love God and others well.  I hope to be open to God's love as well as love of others.  I hope to continue living out opportunities to be with the marginalized, the poor, those that are considered "the least, the last, the lost".  I will do my best to journey onward in integrity of who God has created me to be, even when it is painful.  (I'm reading a great book on this: If You Know Who You Are, You'll Know What To Do: Living With Integrity by Ronald J. Greer.  More on this later.)

This seems to be a season of life for me.  As I recently read in John Ortberg's book The Life You've Always Wanted: spiritual disciplines for ordinary people,  I can learn and grow through this season.  Ortberg writes: "Whatever our season of life, it offers its own opportunities and challenges for spiritual growth.  Instead of wishing we were in another season, we ought to find out what this one offers." (54)

So, here goes!  I'm going to live into this season.  It is part of the journey and part of the adventure.  I may feel more like a child than a warrior (Twila Paris), but I will live into life with all the faith, hope, and love that I have.  I've got my Lifeline.  And so, I ask: On belay?  And, I know God will answer:  belay on!

May there be faith, hope, and love on your journey, 

Debra