Thorny wrote this last week. I asked permission to share here, as a guest blogger. He gave it and included one of his art pieces.
This is Misty, one of his cats from days gone by. This art piece is from January 13, 2019.
"See Don't Look"
I was getting too anxious about things. My things and other people's things. Worried about a friend and not knowing what to do. Can I be helpful? Maybe I should have asked questions? The questions that my mind is seeking answers for now. I never learned to question folks on things. I figured they would tell me what they wanted me to know. Yet I don't share with people what is really going on with me. I might share a sliver, but not true feelings. So why should I think people would tell me what's up with them? Some do.
So I pull into a parking lot to play a game on my phone. It is a matching game that doesn't really take much thought. Well it doesn't unless I make it difficult. I played, I keep saying "see don't look" see don't look...over and over.
See Don't Look. What does that mean? See don't look. See the whole and things pop out. I match them faster.
I will never win this game. That isn't really my goal. My goal is to distract my mind for a little bit.
See Don't Look. see don't look... A feeling grows that this is a Great Spirit teaching moment. What does that mean??? See what is there without analyzing what it is.
Color: pink, object: shoe. so then I search for a pink shoe to match. That is looking. It slows me down and I don't get far. It is me being narrow minded.
See don't look... I'm stuck in this loop. See, don't look.
When I let my mind just see what is there, things pop out here and here - a match. Here and here another. Boom, boom, boom. Accepting what is there before me. Taking in the whole, not just my narrow minded quest.
Looking is harder and slower. I run out of time with less matches.
So maybe The Great Spirit is telling me something. just see, don't look. Well what the heck does that mean? See don't look? See don't look....
When I look, I don't really see others around me. I might notice how they are dressed. I might notice the shape of the masks they wear. I might note the outward images they use to protect themselves. I might not really see them at all. I'm good at being alone in a crowd. We all do it to some level.
There are so few people who live into being and showing their true self. these people are rare, but what a treasure to know and be around. A blessing to be a part of their life.
I can only be that way with people I feel safe. even then, it is difficult for me. I am who I am, but I keep a forcefield up.
I need to learn to see and not look. I need to see the Life Force within. Not look for what I think others are. I need to see the Great Spirit within them not look at the outside facade. See who they really are. See them.
The Life Force can only be felt when I am open and receptive to learning.
When I'm seeing, I'm seeking.
When I'm looking I'm trying to force my views. my mind is narrow and working so hard to make life, people, events, fit in the wrong spaces and i miss out on the beauty that people are.
I must see my true self and find the space I fit.
I can't make people be where they don't fit. If I let go of my prejudice, I can see and learn who they are.
I admit I always thought I was exceptional about allowing and accepting people as they are.
Then I ran smack into a wall of prejudice. It's not easy to admit. So do I apologize to these folks? They might not even know. They probably do. Maybe just change my behavior? Is that being a coward? What is the right thing to do? I don't know. Never been good at social norms.
don't look for what fits my past experiences. See what is real. Be, see, become free.
I don't know what Rev. Rick Tiff would have entitled his sermon yesterday, but I am entitling my post "Called by Name" from the Isaiah passage he shared. It wasn't even one of the three lectionary readings of the day, but rather an additional connector passage.
Though I am in my hometown usually three days a week, I am rarely there on Sunday mornings. But because of our 40th reunion weekend, I was there and I decided it would be a good opportunity to visit St. Mark's Church where I grew up. I'm glad I did.
Background: I grew up at St. Mark's Episcopal Church in Dalton. I was christened/baptized by Rev. Frank Allen who later became a Bishop. George Sparks is the one I remember the most. Ed Bacon presided over my first wedding (1986), and I knew Dean Taylor briefly, but connected with him again in a CEU we both attended at Sewanee. I was confirmed there. I was active in the youth group (we've talked about attempting a reunion for us, but that hasn't happened yet). After I went off to college (Statesboro) in 1982, I would attend some when I came home. When I moved to Long Island (1986-1989), I would sometimes attend Christmas Eve services. But I haven't been able to attend lots.
Now that I am on family leave of absence and working in Dalton, when I am actually in town, I have attended local United Methodist and Episcopal churches, plus Bamboo Encounter (meets once a month). Though the family leave of absence isn't a sabbatical, it is offering me the opportunity to be fed spiritually in ways that I am finding are needed after having served 7 years, 2 appointments, and 4 churches.
It felt like being home yesterday, though not fully. The surroundings were familiar to me-- the high arches, the stained glass windows, the pews, the kneeling benches, the liturgy.
There were several times throughout the service in which I could sense tears of something, I don't know what, nearing the surface, yet they never fully came. It would have been okay if they did.
What I did experience through the sermon, some of the songs, and Holy Communion was deep peace and connection.
I took notes, albeit scribbled notes on my church bulletin. I will attempt to make sense of them for you, the reader, as I share them here. I make no promises that they will be in order. In fact, I can almost guarantee you that they will be out of order. :)
Here we go.
These are the things that stood out to me/caught my attention:
Open our heart to the generosity of others.
By doing so, it causes/helps our relationships to grow deeper.
Jesus challenges us to think "backward" / reversal.
"divine pixie dust"
sozo = well, saved, salvation
the leper got spiritual transformation (not just physical) through the relationship/connection
Note: the leper was also a Samaritan (double whammy in society [my words])-- two things cause him to have stigma in the eyes of others. [This could be a long 'cause for a pause' here. What in our own lives cause us to be outcast in the eyes of others or even ourselves? What causes us to look at others and see them with eyes of stigma? If we take some time to reflect on these things, maybe we can eventually reflect with the compassionate eyes of Jesus for ourselves and for others. DD]
God wants us to change, to transform, to do a new thing.
Do not dwell on the past.
Open our hearts to God
Isaiah 43-- do not fear... I have called you by name. You are mine.
verse 18-- I am about to do a new thing
"God calls us each by name to be transformed." Rev. Rick Tiff
God's grace, God's mercy is abundant; God calls us into relationship
Live a life of thanksgiving; receive
God calls us each by name
Friendship with God
So, those are my notes.
I'll try to fill you in on what made this sermon so meaningful to me and how it was a balm of healing to my soul.
First of all, I used to say that I never remembered hearing about grace or relationship growing up in the Episcopal Church. Now, to my former Reverends, I am NOT saying that you or my teachers didn't preach or teach it. What I am saying is that I don't remember it. It wasn't until later in life that the concept of a relationship with Jesus/God/Holy Spirit became a reality to me. And then, it was even later that I realized that all my time in the woods as a kid WAS time with God, in creation with the Creator.
As I have grown and changed (transformed) over the years, grace has been foundational. God calling me by name has also come around to become foundational. So, in many ways, yesterday's sermon touched on many of the things that make me me, as God created me to be, in relationship with God. I think maybe that could explain the being close to tears throughout. Though I cannot fully explain it, my soul has taken a beating. Yes, even with all the spiritual practices I live into daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly. It can happen. It is called life and humanity. It comes from living a life poured out for the sake of others. Truthfully, I wouldn't have it any other way. Now, I realize and recognize that there is more to learn along the way. I am learning and growing. I am continuing the spiritual practices that give me life and living into new ones. (You can read more about my spiritual practices in other posts.)
What I am attempting to express here is that yesterday there was unexpected healing in my soul that I didn't know was still needed. It went deep. It felt good. It was holy. It went full circle into my childhood. I am grateful.
I am called by name. Want to know a secret? We have ALL been called by name. We are all loved, accepted, beloved,
One of the reasons this Isaiah passage touches me so is a Christmas gift from my Aunt Carol who was also a Godmother to me. She gave me a necklace one year-- a stained glass cross with the letter "D" on the front. I used it as a Christmas ornament for YEARS. Now I use it a cross and sometimes still put it on our tree. On the back of the cross is the Isaiah verse: 'I have called you by name'. Though I don't remember when I got it-- probably the 70s, it has become more meaningful to me as I have lived into my calling.
Now, please remember-- we are all called by name.... and we ALL have callings! My first calling was that of professor-- I taught for 24 years. And, truthfully, I'm still a teacher at heart. I was a pastor to pastors LONG before I become one officially. I am in the process of becoming a spiritual director, but have been an unofficial one for a while.
God created me to walk along life's journey with people; to share the good, the bad, the ugly; to be present; to listen; to walk the aging, death, and dying journey.... these things I know. What I learn, I share. I was also created to connect with my Creator in creation, in nature.
There are things in life at times that cause doubt, etc., but I am reminded to not be afraid.
I will continue the inward and outward journey of growth and transformation as the grace and healing work in and through me.
Oh, the songs...... Hymn 633 "Word of God, come down on earth" by James Quinn was one that I didn't remember, but found the lyrics to be engaging. I looked it up on hymnary.org and found that it is also in the United Methodist Hymnal (and others} #182.
Lyrics:
1 Word of God, come down on earth, living rain from heaven descending; touch our hearts and bring to birth faith and hope and love unending. Word almighty, we revere you; Word made flesh, we long to hear you.
2 Word eternal, throned on high, Word that brought to life creation, Word that came from heaven to die, crucified for our salvation, saving Word, the world restoring, speak to us, your love outpouring.
3 Word that speaks God's tender love, one with God beyond all telling, Word that sends us from above God the Spirit, with us dwelling, Word of truth, to all truth lead us; Word of life, with one bread feed us.
There was a John Bell song that we sang a portion of during communion time: "Take, O take me as I am"
Lyrics:
Take, O take me as I am, summon out what I shall be.
Set your seal upon my heart and live in me.
I am familiar with John Bell's music and have used his songs, but this one was new to me or I had forgotten about it). It was fitting!
You can listen to it here:
I am grateful for my home church-- for all it gave me over the years and for yesterday's service.
Peace,
Rev. Deb
If you'd like to watch yesterday's service, you can find it here on their FaceBook page: October 9 worship service.
An older video of the church (it has beautiful photos):
I have wanted to hike the Dalton State College trails for a long time, but simply haven't had the opportunity. Saturday was a GORGEOUS day and I had time between reunion activities to get outside and check them out. I decided to do the Big Rock Trail for easiest find/quickest access. That kiosk came up first on the driving directions, in other words. There is ample parking on the college street (side street parking) and a kiosk that has a map near the trail head. Check out this link for more information: Roadrunner Trails.
I had no idea what to expect, but I guess I should have expected to go up! :) At least it wasn't the George Disney Trail. :)
There were switch backs and even some flat areas. Some of the paths were rocky; while others were full of acorns (not an issue going up-- going down was different!). There were also some areas of sand, pine needles and leaves..... in other words, this is a diverse area.
I took the "Big Rock Trail" until it got to the bench. There I decided to go on the "Ridge Trail". A yellow paper posted on a tree said the trail wasn't finished yet, but check it out. This trail is where I found more flat areas and paths of pine needles. It still had some ups and downs too.
The breezes on this day were wonderful.
Hearing the leaves rustle and watching them dance on the branches and some fall to the ground was delightful.
I found different colored acorns along the way, some cool mushrooms, some interesting rocks.
I enjoyed the sounds of the birds and even the odd creaking of trees in one area where they must have been tightly stuck together, yet moved enough to make sounds as the wind blew them.
As I walked along the path, enjoying the shade of the tree canopies, I thought back to the sign I saw last Sunday in Murphy: "Stop, Listen, Look".
Though that sign is for a railroad crossing, I found it appropriate for a hiking trail. Well, truth be told, I find it appropriate for life. We understand why we are to 'stop, listen, and look' at a railroad crossing. As I hiked, I applied it to taking in my environment, to being present and aware of my surroundings. Though I hike and walk with intentionality most of the time anyway, I made an extra effort to "stop, listen, look" along the way. There is much beauty in nature and creation!
I shared quite a few of the photos I took the other day, but I will share them here as well, plus a few I didn't share.
Creation time in the woods always fills my soul, relaxes my mind, and strengthens my body.
It was good to check out this new-to-me trail system!
This past weekend in Dalton, I saw/found one heart a day. I decided to do a collective "heart" post, as I only posted the onion ring heart from yesterday's lunch at Jefferson's. :)
Seeing hearts in nature and in ALL kinds of things has been going on for YEARS for me. A friend from Hixson sent me a book by Eric Telchin spurred me on to post with the hashtag #seeaheartshareaheart OR #SeeAHeartShareAHeart (when I learned that the visually impaired who use voice readers need capitalization to distinguish words). You can check out Telchin's book here: See A Heart, Share A Heart.
My first heart was in my lunch on Friday at the Oakwood Cafe. It was a heart shaped pickle.
My second heart(s) also came from the Oakwood Cafe on Saturday morning at breakfast. The server brought my coffee in a mug with hearts and a verse: "Love the Lord with all your heart." There was a heart on the inside of the mug too. Though a tad odd that this mug was brought and given to me, I recieved it with gratefulness because it was meaningful to me.
The final heart for the weekend was a heart-shaped onion ring at Jefferson's on Sunday. That was another surprise, but cool!
Finding hearts brings me joy. Sharing hearts also brings me joy. Though it isn't something I started, I know people associate hearts with me and that's cool. People send me photos of hearts, give me heart rocks, heart shells, heart things.
Hearts are a symbol of love. Hearts pump blood to keep us alive.
I saw this piece of artwork in a clergy group yesterday that sparked me to write abut it.
What I posted:
"Artwork for Pentecost 17, with text from 2 Timothy 1:6-7 by Chris Suerdieck, artist.
This image and the verses got my attention. Yes, there might be tiny hearts that caught my eye. #SeeAHeartShareAHeart
The vibrant colors captured my gaze as my eyes wandered over the piece.
As I read the verses, there was a pause within me. Hmmm. I wonder. What gift is waiting within me to be rekindled? What gift within you is waiting to be rekindled?
With power, love, and self-discipline, it is time to kindle a gift or rekindle a gift that has grown cold in the ashes.
As a prayer goes:
"Come, Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of your faithful and kindle in us the fire of your love. Send forth your Spirit and we shall be created. And you shall renew the face of the earth. O God, who by the light of the Holy Spirit did instruct the hearts of the faithful, grant that by the same Holy Spirit we may be truly wise and ever enjoy your consolations. Through Christ our Lord. Amen."
Rev. Deb"
Not in post online:
Rev. Chris Suerdieck's artwork is posted in the clergy group and can be found all over Facebook. She offers her artwork to clergy and churches to use in services and devotionals, with appropriate credit. I was hoping to find another source t post here, but was not able to. Just search her name to see different art.
Art speaks to different people in different ways.
I am grateful for the artists I know who share their giftedness with others.
From drawing to photography to painting to writing to music and every other aspect of art, to all the artists out there, keep on creating! You inspire us!
I hiked yesterday at Jackrabbit Mountain in Hayesville, NC. It isn't too far from Hinton Center, so I thought I'd give it a try. I had read up on it and knew it had bike trails and hiking trails. I wasn't sure what I would hike or how long I might be able to hike. My left hip (replaced one) has been hurting some this week-- probably from the hike earlier this week. It is a reminder that muscles need more stretching than I have been doing lately.
Some cyclists suggested the center loop. After checking out the map, I decided to start on it. The paths and the surrounding forest are pretty. There are signs on trees and ferns and other plants so you can know what they are. Some of them are seasonal, such as the May Apple and the Pink Lady Slipper and the Trillium, so this would be a good spring trail to see those. But seeing all the different ferns and trees was cool.
I took the center loop (white trail) until the Burnt Tree Peninsula Trail (green) and took it around. That trail allowed me to see the Chatuge Dam plus I found a rock from the Hayesville Rock group on that trail.
It wasn't too crowded on the trails. I was most surprised by a father/son hunting with a recurve bow. As I was leaving, I noticed two other hunters going in with crossbows. I didn't realize the area was also a hunting area or that it was hunting season. If I had known that, I probably would have worn orange. I have hiked on the AT (Appalachian Trail) before near Springer Mountain in hunting season and one is advised to where orange.
It was good to share the trails with bikers, walkers, hikers, runners, and folks with their dogs, and the hunters. Multi-use trails at their best.
The trails were clean (for the most part). I only saw two pieces of clothing, one bottle left behind (on a stump), and some toilet paper.
After my hike, I saw this rock in the parking lot. It caught my attention because it looked heart-shaped as I walked over it. It was so flat on the top. After I took a photo, I pulled it out and took a photo of the hole. The rock was not flat on the backside, bur rather about an inch or so in depth. I returned it to its proper place.
A quote by Socrates last night in a chapter in Jane Rubietta's Resting Place: A Personal Guide to Spiritual Retreats got me thinking more about that rock. What you see/saw on the outside, on the top, was not what was underneath. Socrates wrote: "Give me beauty in the inward soul; may the outward and the inward man be at one."
Reflecting on that quote (and some of the chapter in Rubietta's book), along with the rock, here are some things I have been mulling over:
The rock won't change on the inside, except over time (lots of time) and wearing away. Because it is a hard rock, it is less likely to change its form.
As people, we can change our outsides to match our insides and vice versa. What you see is what you get, so to speak. It takes effort, humility, maturity, etc.
It means not wearing masks, living with integrity, allowing our souls to become whole, living into wholeness and freedom, etc.
My whole purpose in hiking and taking time apart is for my soul to catch up with my body, for my soul to have the opportunity to become whole again, for its parts to heal and recover. Hiking also helps the outer me become whole too. It's part of my outdoor and nature therapy, drawing me closer to the Creator.
I don't always get it right. I don't always respond well. I still make mistakes, fall, fail, etc. For the most part I stopped wearing masks long ago and I have been seeking to live into my true self rather than my false self. The false self pops in/up every now and then. But, I'm learning. I'm growing. I'm listening to what God is saying to me and teaching me. Some days it's a slow process. There are others days in which I have a light bulb moment.
But, much like a hiking trail, it's the journey that matters to me. What do I see and experience along the way? What are the sights, the sounds, the new things, the old things.... how does the air smell.... how does the breeze feel..... etc. How do all these things refresh and renew my soul and spirit and remind me that I am a beloved child of God?
I believe that my outward and inward person are becoming more congruent, more "at one', as Socrates puts it. I will continue the inward and outward journey, living into spiritual disciplines that grow and stretch both sides of those muscles.
Rubietta writes this about spiritual disciplines/practices: "Spiritual disciplines are intended to transform us for the sake of others.' (65) That is very much the same as I learned from Bob Mulholland when he spoke at my 2 Year Academy and from his books. If my silence, solitude, prayer, Scripture reading, etc. time isn't transforming me.... then they aren't going to be of help to others and I might as well not do them. Only if the practices are transforming me will they be of use/help to others.
I still don't have all the answers. Nor do I need to. I am where I am to be, doing what I am called to do, for such a time as this. And, even so, I know my calling as pastor is strong and secure. God reminds me of that and I am grateful.
Hiking may not be the thing that is good for your soul. Find what is and do it.
Peace and adventures on the journey!
Rev. Deb
P.S. Here are my hiking photos. Flowers, trees, views, ferns, mushrooms, etc.
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