2023 in review

It's that time of year again when I take some time to look in the rear-view mirror to reflect on the past year. 

I pull out my calendar and see if I can read my hand-writing. Kidding. Sort of.

Let's take a look back at 2023.

I had looked on someone's post that said the first four words you see are your mantra for 2023. The words I saw were these: woop, change, strength, breakthrough. For the post on that, you can go here: My 2023 Mantra. Interestingly, as I have reflected back on 2023, there has been quite a bit of celebration (woop!), change, strength, and breakthrough. It was my first year to have a mantra and it was kinda cool. 

Here are some of the highlights from each month:

January

• celebrated my dad's bday
• attended my great-niece's 1 year bday party

February

• went to Costa Rica 3-8 to check out a new place to me near Ciudad Quesada
• saw the show "Chicago" at Memorial Auditorium

March

• celebrated 19 years of marriage
• started riding my bike for the year 
• created an exercise goal for 150 minutes per week of biking, walking, hiking, stretching, etc. 

April

• helped out on a habitat build
• exercised 14 hours and 42 minutes this month, averaging 245 minutes per week (WOOP!)

May

• celebrated my parents' anniversary (61st)
• hit 100 miles on the bike for the year
• found a 15 mile bike ride--Cycle Sequatchie-- for October and started making plans for it
• worked on PFLAG Chattanooga website
• exercised 19 hours and 28 minutes, averaging 313 minutes per week

June

• attended Moo Fest in Athens, TN with PFLAG Athens
• Annual Conference at Lake Junaluska in NC
• hit 200 miles on bike for the year on the 16th!
• kicked off PFLAG restart

July

• attended Hearts on Fire retreat in Atlanta, GA-- Daniel Wolpert was speaker
• went to first CACPC event as incoming board member

August

• saw Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat in Dalton
• Riley and Charlie went to a wrestling match in GA and on a short trip together

September

• first official CACPC board meeting and training
• went to Little Debbie Park for first time-- with Charlie and Cliff
• my 1 year anniversary volunteering with Welcome Home of Chattanooga
• my first experience with major tooth pain-- turned out to need a root canal and a crown
• saw Biko Casini in concert at a private residence

October

• Cycle Sequatchie-- my first bike ride entry as an adult! 
• Chattanooga Pride parade and booth for PFLAG Chattanooga
• decided to see if I could lower my A1C and weight by consuming less alcohol weekly and began keeping track of what I was drinking
• saw Carrie Newcomer in concert at UTC

November

• trip to NYC to visit with Charlie
• Porangui concert in Chattanooga

December

• finished requirements for Spiritual Direction certificate program through Columbia Theological Seminary (woop!)
• needed another root canal next to the first one due to calcified roots (learned later) and ongoing pain (what kept sending me back)
• Asian Lantern Festival at the Chattanooga Zoo

Spent some time going to Blairsville, GA, but not as much as last year, but we did a few projects this year: we replaced the lattice covering on the bottom of the shed, finally water-proofed the bench we had worked on in 2022, and tackled the tons of leaves that were under the RV.

I was able to pulpit supply about a handful of times this past year for several different churches and help out at the church that we attend.

Bamboo Encounter and Welcome Home of Chattanooga were ongoing opportunities to serve throughout the year.  Getting PFLAG Chattanooga up and running again has been a great investment of time and energy involving opportunities in community and lots of awesome coffee meetings with my friend Matt! 

I was able to bike and walk more in 2023 than in 2022. Though I did hike quite a bit, I didn't hike as much as in 2022. Here are my statistics for 2023:

• Biking: 327.83 miles (my goal was 400) for a total of 36 hours and 44 minutes
• Walking: 104.47 miles for 46 hours.
• Hiking: 39.21 miles for 22 hours 42 minutes

Now, those are the statistics that were calculated on the app. There may have been bike rides, walk, and/or hikes that were not recorded. And, that's okay. It's helpful to keep track, so I do.

In addition to what shows up above, there were other family gatherings, coffees, meals, friend gatherings, activities, etc. I made my first stained glass piece in 2023--- with LOTS of help. It was cool.  I gave blood several times this past year and would have given again, except the tooth issues at the end of the year. 

Family continues to be my focus while I'm on family leave on absence. I continue to learn more about the two businesses and I enjoy being in my hometown during the week. 

Life is an adventure and continues to unfold. 2023 brought healing for me. It has been a year of celebration (woop!), change, strength, and breakthrough.

I'll write more about what to expect in 2024 later.

I was going to go through 2023 and find a highlight photo from each month, but there were too many of family and experiences to post.

Here's to a wonderful 2023, full of love, family, experiences, and growth..... and here's to the expectancy of a new year!

May the adventurous journey continue!

Deb

Final Outdoor Time for 2023

Today's weather was perfect for getting outdoors! Though I didn't have the energy to walk or hike, I did head to one of my favorite hammock spots at North Chickamauga Creek Gorge. Normally I would spend time climbing around on the rocks and exploring, but today I didn't even have the strength to do that. I've been sick since the day after Christmas and after spending two days in bed with fever, I tested positive for Covid. Thankfully it wasn't as bad as the first time I had it and I didn't need medication for my lungs. But, I have been quarantined to my part of the house for a full six days and my strength and energy are low.

Getting out and getting into nature was an important move for me today-- heart, mind, body, and soul.

I hung up my hammock in my spot, then headed to a favorite rock for some close-up photos of the water. I took a short video for contemplative reflection and then headed back up to the hammock. My heart was racing by the time I got back, reminding me to take it easy and simply "be". 

The sun was shining brightly above and felt great! It was 52 degrees Fahrenheit and warmed up to 55 degrees while I was there. There was a slight breeze that blew, but it wasn't too cold. I was prepared with a blanket sleeping bag, a jacket and a warm cap. 

Just being able to hear the roar of the creek as I hung in the hammock was a gift today. I haven't been there in a while and it brought healing to me today. 

Outdoor time, time in nature is a spiritual practice for me. Spending time in a hammock is a spiritual practice. Playing around on the rocks, being next to the water, listening to and watching the water..... all offer life to me in my spiritual journey. 

Resting. Being. Healing. 

It was a great way to end 2023.

Here are my photos and my video for reflection and contemplation.

tent stakes by a tree--odd, but there

sunset from home--last sunset of 2023

my video-- 1 minute of water

I hope the photos and video offer you a glimpse of my experience today.  Maybe if you aren't able to get out into nature for some reason, you can use the photos and video as a way of sacred viewing to put you there. (Another spiritual practice... visio divina-- sacred seeing/viewing.)

I look forward to continuing this spiritual practice of getting outside and spending time in my hammock in 2024.

Peace!

Rev. Deb

Christmas Dreams-- the Cantata that brought healing twice

Christmas Dreams is a Cantata by Joseph M. Martin and Heather Sorenson. The first time I heard this Cantata was Christmas 2019. I was serving St. Elmo UMC since the previous July and it was my dream appointment. I don't think I will ever forget District Superintendent Randy Martin calling me up in the spring of 2019 and telling me sometimes we get what we ask for. I was so excited. St. Elmo UMC was my dream appointment because it was a Reconciling Ministries Network church and I could be the pastor and parent I am called to be-- authentically and openly. I had the privilege to narrate Christmas Dreams that year and it was powerfully moving to me. The words in the narration and the words in the song-- all of it. Not only was it my dream appointment, but I knew my kiddo would be accepted there, loved there. That meant a ton for me as a parent. So, on practice for that Cantata in 2019 and on the evening of, I choked up. I teared up. I cried. There was healing from the love and light of the Christ child.

Fast forward through a pandemic, some rough patches of coming back from a pandemic, some people in leadership working diligently to "overthrow" their pastor. Okay, "overthrow" might be too strong of a word. Maybe "get rid of" is a better term. These aren't things one talks about. These are things one keeps quiet, deals with through spiritual direction, therapy, Staff Parish, good friends and colleagues, etc. I had good outlets in those days, but it wasn't enough. There were even good things going on in ministry through the difficult things. However, it took its toll on me. I continued to serve, accept, love, and teach to the best I could as long as I was in that appointment. I went on family leave in 2022 (a huge God-directed thing to serve my parents and their businesses). I continued therapy, spiritual direction, spiritual supervision, and the spiritual direction program I was in through Columbia Theological Seminary.

I told colleagues I would pulpit supply, but not for a good six months. I didn't go to church for a good six months at all, except for Bamboo Encounter, an outdoor worship service. Healing took place and continues to take place.

Fast forward again to this year's Christmas Cantata at Burks UMC, my sending church and the church where we attend most Sundays. The Christmas Cantata was Christmas Dreams. I sat in the sanctuary listening to the narration and singing.  As I heard about the healing love and light of the Christ child, I noticed tears coming down from my eyes. 

This Cantata has brought deep healing into my life. Twice. The first time there was healing to be in a place of love where I could serve, accept, love, and teach.... and be the unique person that Creator had created me to be. Though that didn't quite turn out to be the dream I had hoped for, I have nothing but love for that place. 

The second time I heard the Cantata, I could sense the healing deep within. As I listened to the lyrics of the song "Christmas Dreams", I found myself thinking "can I begin to dream again?" The words: "Child of healing, Child of hope, take the things that hurt us most...."   Those words penetrated deep within me to a place that caused me to ask myself "can I begin to dream again?" The answer is yes. I knew it as tears rolled down my cheeks. 

Healing continues to take place in me and through me. I know it. I know it because of therapy, spiritual direction, spiritual supervision, the spiritual direction program I completed. Truly, healing is an ongoing part of life, of growth. 

Because I couldn't get all the words jotted down during the Cantata, I borrowed one of the Cantata books recently so I could share the lyrics (because I couldn't find them online).

Heather Sorenson wrote the words to "Christmas Dreams", inspired and adapted from an anonymous poem "Miracle Dreams". Here are the words most meaningful to me: 

"Child of healing, Child of hope, take the things that hurt us most, and with Your touch they'll be redeemed, Holy Child of Christmas dreams"

Some of the narration that is meaningful: 

"In these sacred moments, we have joined our songs and spirits together to recall the birth of Jesus, the Messiah. We have heard the good news, and we are forever changed. We are now free to hope, believe, and become all that were meant to be. Let us being the true work of Christmas and dare to dream of a better world, a greater joy, a deeper faith. Let us celebrate the graceful promises that are ours in Christ Jesus. Let us hold on to the divine hope that pursues us through every challenge of heart and each illness of the mind and body. Let us rest secure in the grace that brings peace that is beyond all understanding." (99) 

"And now, dreamers, rise and shine, for your light has come! Hope now dazzles where once there was only darkness! Love now sings where once there was only silence! Joy now celebrates where once there was only sorrow! Go now in peace, and take the dream of Christmas to all the world!" (109)

Another song's lyrics that are meaningful are these to "A Gentle Christmas Blessing" written by Joseph M. Martin. Here are some of those lyrics:

"The light of the Christmas start to you,
the warmth of the home and hearth to you.
The cheer and good will of friends to you, 
hope of a child-like heart to you.
The hope of peace and grace to you, 
a safe and welcome place to you.
The music of a thousand angels be yours tonight, be yours in Christ.
May love and joy abound in all of life,
God's love and joy surround your life."

"Hope of a child-lie heart to you."  That line resonates deeply. I have always had a child-like heart. I don't always live into the child-like me I am created to be, but there are moments it breaks free.

"A safe and welcome place to you".  A safe and welcome place, a place where we belong is something we all seek and desire. 

The Creator continues to remind me that I am a beloved child, created uniquely by my Creator. I continue to learn and grow on this journey of life as I follow the light, love, and life of the Christ child.

I am grateful for healing in all the forms it comes, even when it surprises me. Another beautiful part of the Cantata this time was listening to Roy Treiyer play the piano, a gift always!

Can I begin to dream again?  Yes. What will come of opening myself up to dreams? I don't know. But, it's part of the great adventure!

These words from the Foreword, by Joseph M. Martin, give me hope to continue dreaming, to continue healing, to continue trusting in the process:

"Throughout time, God has spoken to His people in dreams and visions. In the peacefulness of sleep and the serenity of contemplation., God speaks hope into longing hearts. Through the ancient prophets and devoted visionaries, He reveals the great designs of His creative purpose. It is good and and right that, in this wondrous season, we gather to remember, to reflect, to renew. Let us quiet our hearts and listen. Let us clear our minds and learn. Let us calm our spirits and live. Tonight, in the still sacred places of our worship, in the fragile yearnings of our broken dreams, may we seek and discover the grace that changes everything."

Allowing the Creator to speak hope into this longing heart, 

Rev. Deb

December 30th, 6th Day of Christmas, 2023

The Power of Words

Words are powerful. Words carry meaning. Words can encourage and edify or they can hurt, harm, and destroy. Often, we don't know the power of words until later, either those we've read, heard, or spoken. It can take time for them to sink in.

Most people have heard the idiom "sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you." We learned it as kids. It was supposed to somehow protect us from the flippant, uncaring, and even intentionally mean things people said. However, it isn't true. 

Words are important to me. As a linguist who speaks several languages, studied and taught linguistics, words have been part of my life for a long time. I have enjoyed word play, word studies, word games, word searches, etc. But, this post isn't about that, though there is definitely power in being able to use words well and to speak several languages.

I want to share a story with you that shares the power of words. However, this story is personal. That means that this isn't easy for me. Here we go.

In my first appointment as pastor, I served three churches in North Georgia. It was a super appointment, as I got to be in three different communities, two counties, three churches.... the learning curve was huge and the experiences were incredible! There are so many wonderful memories and experiences from that first appointment! I had lots of community engagement and ministry was an adventure.

There came a time in that first appointment that someone in the leadership of one of the three churches expressed to others that they had two pastors-- a Baptist and an air head-- and of the two of them they were willing to settle for the air head for the moment. Now, how do I know this? Because I had an excellent Staff Parish who called the D.S. (District Superintendent) and we had a Staff Parish meeting with the D.S. with both pastors (we were co-pastors). In this meeting, when I learned this, I knew right away which one was me--- I grew up in the Episcopal church and became Methodist when I lived on Long Island in the late 1980s. There it was, I was the air head. 

My immediate thought was the air heads candy. That's how my brain works. :)

My second thought was 'what in the world does that mean?' My D.S. explained that what this person likely meant was that I was spiritual. Though I was still confused and really didn't understand what it really meant, I never sought out the person who said it to ask for a definition. I never retaliated. I did, however, have a moment when I considered giving out air heads candy on my last Sunday there. But I didn't do that either. I just carried the words within me.

That day that we met as pastors, Staff Parish and D.S. was a marker in ministry for at least two reasons, maybe three. 1. I slipped a curse word in that meeting. :) It was on my birthday, as I told the D.S., so I got one freebie. I guess hearing that people wanted to get rid of you, but that they would settle for you for the moment was a tad difficult to hear. 2. Ministry changed that day. I started preaching at that church every Sunday, giving the other pastor a break from them so that they could heal from the hurtfulness. That meant I preached two churches most Sundays. It was great experience, yet what I didn't realize until later is that..... 3. those words "air head" dug deep into my soul. They found a place somewhere deep within me and began to grow tangled weeds of doubt and harm around my true self.

The words didn't stop me from being, living, doing ministry. I kept going. Like I said, I didn't realize there was tangled underbrush growing deep within. I dealt with it healthily. I shared with trusted colleagues, spiritual director, spouse. I moved on. Yet, until last week, I truly didn't think it had rooted as much as it had.

Until last week......

When I heard the words...... "you have a deep spirituality." I listened to those words in a consultation meeting. I heard them. I acknowledged them. I think I may have even said "thank you" out loud. There was a moment that I can't fully describe. At the same time, my brain flashed back to several years ago and the "air head" discussion with Staff Parish. It was a quick flash back.

In that moment, there was healing. I can't explain it, but it was there. The tangled underbrush that had grown over the years were removed.

It was humbling enough to hear someone say I have a deep spirituality. It has been even more humbling to recognize the healing power of words when I didn't even know I needed it.

Another way I know it was needed? As I write today, there have been tears. I consider those to be healing and cleansing too.

I am grateful for words. 

I know that I don't always use words for good. I am guilty of harming others with my words. I repent of the damage I have done and hope others hear holy and healing words that clear out their tangled underbrush within--- from whatever source(s) it came.

Rev. Mark Davis would always say this: "hurt people hurt people and healed people heal people". It is a saying that has become part of how I observe and live. It's a truth that can be shown over and over again.

This is my story of the power of words.

Thanks for reading.

As this Advent continues, as we are on the path from darkness into light, it is my hope and desire that there is something here that offers light in the darkness.

Peace,

Rev. Deb

taught the children's message on Christ the King Sunday with Jesus at Burks UMC 

The Advent Remedy

This year I have chosen to travel Advent with Peter Traben Haas. I had read a quote one morning from him a few weeks back that resonated with me, so I looked him up. I found his Advent book and a contemplative prayer book. 

Today, on the first Monday of Advent, there are several things that already speak to me, offering me something I cannot quite name as I lean into this season. Though I cannot name it, there is something very good about it.

Here are some of the words, phrases, and quotes from today's reading that stood out to me: 

"Advent is a remedy. It's a four-fold count of grace, spinning us body and soul, deeper  into the inner space of silence, the light of love touches our tongue with cleansing fire, so to speak and be spoken to with goodness that heals." (9)

"...our essential goodness." (9)

"You are beautiful. You are good. You are loved." (9)

"The remedy of Advent heals even the deepest shadows of our being, where the pain still lingers, like a frozen bruise, blinding us to the deeper goodness hiding under the pain." (9)

"...words somehow keep helping me light the way." (10)

"contemplative speaking" (11)

"contemplative Advent" (11)

As I return to the preface or introduction, I am reminded to "watch the Light and let the Light watch you" (5) "Be still. Listen. Watch. Wait." (5)

Though the author mentions watching the fading light from dusk to dark, this morning I went outside for a little bit (it was 39 degrees Fahrenheit and I didn't stay more than probably 8 minutes) to see the sky, to be still, listen, watch, wait.

Instead of fading light, I saw growing light. Advent is a time of growing light. Each week another candle is lit and the additional light adds brightness. Even when one light shines, the light grows.

The light grows within us too. Think on that. 

As I reflect on lingering pain being like frozen bruises and the deeper goodness hiding under the pain to which I am blinded, I look forward to the remedy of Advent to bring healing and to remind me of my essential goodness. 

I invite you to join me this Advent on the Advent remedy adventure. If you join me, I invite you to share your thoughts and reflections along the way.

As the author wrote: "Let's take the Advent remedy together." (11)

Rev. Deb