Broken Hallelujah

Today has been a mixed day of worship, blessings, brokenness, celebration, and singing.  This morning I started out with my quiet time outside in the cool weather with a cup of coffee, listening to the birds and the waterfall feature.  As I had my time of centering prayer, there were moments of tears beginning to flow for no reason that I could tell.

Before I started my centering prayer time I had taken a picture of the sky and written a prayer with it and posted it on social media:

"Creator, thank you for this morning view. May I be empty of me and full of you as I break the bread of life today. May hearts and minds be open to you as we gather to worship you in community, in spirit and in truth. Amen."

The opening prayer for today's centering prayer time was this one:

The closing prayer was this:

Today I preached at two of the three churches I serve on "Discipleship: Doing Our Part" from Matthew 14:13-21.  As I had studied and prepared for today, one thing that struck me was that Jesus took what was offered, gave thanks, broke it, and gave it out.  Even the smallest offering can be multiplied by God.

The brokenness in me from the beginning of the day continued.  A heaviness for others, a brokenness for sheep, for community, for many things.

The opening song was about the 5 loaves and 2 fish.  I had watched most of the video in the car with my mobile hot spot on the way home Friday.  But I didn't finish it nor had I listened with the volume on. I had only read the captions.  For reasons I cannot explain, the Holy Spirit took hold of me during that song and tears flowed.  I was so overwhelmed that I really wanted to leave, but I stayed put.  The song blessed me, even though it touched a deep part of me that was unexpected.

Did I REALLY pray this morning to be a vessel available to God?!?!

In preaching at the second church, tears came unexpectedly again as I shared the loss of the body of Christ in our midst.  At the first church, the loss was a loss of life in death.  At the second church, the loss was a person leaving the body.  Loss in any form takes a part of us.

My prayer and desire is for the body of Christ to find a way to love God and love one another, to somehow accept the differences and unique aspects that God has given each of us.  I know I don't always get it right, but I'm trying.

This afternoon I went up to Camp Lookout to join in on the Celebration and Groundbreaking Day.  It was great to see kids of all ages wandering around camp, enjoying the activities and the beautiful setting.  There we all were, kids of all ages, of different races and ethnic backgrounds, together.  It was a beautiful kingdom picture.

On my way up to camp, I heard the song, "Broken Hallelujah" by The Afters..  It spoke to me.

Lyrics:

I can barely stand right now.
Everything is crashing down,
And I wonder where you are.

I try to find the words to pray.
I don't always know what to say,
But you're the one that can hear my heart.

Even though I don't know what your plan is,
I know you make beauty from these ashes.

I've seen joy and I've seen pain.
On my knees, I call your name.
Here's my broken hallelujah.
With nothing left to hold onto,
I raise these empty hands to you.
Here's my broken, here's my broken,
Hallelujah [x3]
(Here's my broken)
Hallelujah

You know the things that have brought me here.
You know the story of every tear.
'Cause you've been here from the very start.

Even though I don't know what your plan is,
I know you make beauty from these ashes.

I've seen joy and I've seen pain.
On my knees, I call your name.
Here's my broken Hallelujah.
With nothing left to hold onto,
I raise these empty hands to you.
Here's my broken, here's my broken,
Hallelujah [x3]
(Here's my broken)
Hallelujah

When all is taken away, don't let my heart be changed.
Let me always sing Hallelujah
And when I feel afraid, don't let my hope be erased
Let me always sing (let me always sing),
Let my always sing,
Hallelujah [x3]
(Let my always sing)
Hallelujah
(Let my always sing)
Hallelujah

Here's my broken,
Here's my broken,
Hallelujah [x3]

Here's my broken,
Here's my broken,
Hallelujah [x4]

Later in the evening I heard "Open Hands"(either coming down the mountain or on my way home).

Lyrics:

[Verse 1: Laura Story]
The sweetest sound ... the highest praise
Is the letting go ... of this life You gave
Our greatest prayer .. our act of faith
Is an open hand ... Lord have Your way

[Chorus: Laura Story]
Take it all
Every hope, every dream, every plan
Take it all
Every weight, all the shame and brokenness
Jesus, I surrender all
Every victory and loss
Take it all, take it all
Till all I have is open hands

[Verse 2: Mac Powell & Both]
A clenching fist ... a life of fear
A burden held ... has no place here
'Cause you call me now ... to cast it all
On the shoulders of the One who's strong

[Chorus: Laura Story & Mac Powell]
Take it all
Every hope, every dream, every plan
Take it all
Every weight, all the shame and brokenness
Jesus, I surrender all
Every victory and loss
Take it all, take it all
Till all I have is open hands

I went to my first Evensong service at Chattanooga Valley Presbyterian tonight.  They meet monthly on the first Sunday of the month with Chattanooga Valley of the Nazarene Church and they switch back and forth with locations.  What a blessing that was to have folks from 3 different denominations coming together to worship God in song and Scripture.  We sang lots of songs, read from the Psalter, and had a time of fellowship afterwards.  There were lots of kids there and they were among those requesting songs. I was blessed.

As I reflect on the day and how I started the day in prayer, the Holy Spirit DID come and move in and through my life today.  I shouldn't have been surprised that my prayers was answered.  In reflection, I shouldn't be so surprised about all the brokenness either.  If I am going to lead others, it makes sense that if I am going to preach on God taking something, blessing it, breaking it, and sharing it, then I might go through breaking myself periodically.  I think today was one of those days.  I feel like God took me, blessed me, broke me, and shared me.

I was blessed by many things today, even the brokenness and the working of the Holy Spirit, whatever that was about.

I am grateful for this full day.

Blessings on your journey,

Debra