A couple of years ago I bought Centering Prayer and Inner Awakening by Cynthia Bourgeault and had hoped to read it for an Independent Study class. Unfortunately that particular class didn't work out and I didn't get to read the book due to so many other required readings.
As my Academy for Spiritual Formation is coming to a close, I recognize the need (and desire) to find (and make) space for silence on my own and in community. So, beyond my spiritual director time and my outdoor in creation time, I started looking to see what contemplative practices might be found here in Chattanooga.
Right before I went to the Academy session (#7) in January, I had read in the paper about a new Center for Mindful Living here in Chattanooga. I still have plans on checking that out.
But what I got to check out today was a Centering Prayer group at Grace Episcopal Church. There are 5 different Centering Prayer meetings in the Chattanooga area at 4 different churches. But this is the only group that doesn't meet on a Wednesday. It meets on a Friday; much better for me!
Today was my first day since last Friday was an "ice day" and school had been called off.
I was running a few moments late, but was able to walk in with someone who knew exactly where he was going. The group had begun their time with a liturgy, I'm guessing. We went in and found a seat when they finished. Thankfully there were still a few open chairs on the outside walls. There were 20 people in attendance today, 5 men and the rest women. Two of us were newcomers. Not that numbers matter in the big scheme of things, but it was neat to see so many people there.
There was a circle of friends candle holder on the coffee table in the middle of the room. It is much bigger than my little one. It had 5 friends in a circle, was about 6 inches tall maybe. It looked similar to the one I had seen at St. Mark's Northshore Christmas market in a booth from a store that has a shop on Frazier. That candle holder was made in Mexico. I don't know about this one. I did learn that it came from the church bookstore. (Note to self: must check out the bookstore.)
A short musical piece started off our time of centering. We spent 30 minutes in silence for our centering prayer time. Now, I have experienced centering prayer. Every time I meet with my spiritual director, covenant group at the Academy, and other times.... I have practiced it. I practice it at home too. But, this was probably the first time I have done it for a full uninterrupted 30 minutes. ☺
My brain started off with the Jesus Prayer. I probably went with the short version... or my own version even for today. It went something like this: "Jesus Christ, Son of God, forgive me a sinner". After a while, I felt led to go into "Peace, Be still". From time to time, I could hear the cars go by or a plane going over (as we were in the flight path). Then Psalm 23 came to mind. The King James version, as that is what I memorized as a kid. Honestly, I couldn't tell you if I got it 100% right, but what stood out over and over in my mind were the lines "He annointed my head with oil; my cup runneth over". I realize that is a mixture between King James and non-King James, but that's how it was coming to me. I saw big hands over my head annointing me. There was a peace and an assurance that came with that. From there several names came to mind to pray for. And, I went back to "Be still" a time or two. ☺ You might say my mind was doing the "monkey mind" thing. Maybe. Maybe not. They say that you really aren't to analyze what goes on during centered prayer, so I won't. I'm just reporting it. However, there is a tiny part of me that wonders what was touched deep inside during part of that prayer. Because there was the remembrance of a few times where I've been prayed over and spoken over many moons ago and a feeling that the time is getting closer for Rafiki to say "it is time".
A musical selection ended our time of silence and those of us outside the circle were able to adjust chairs to get into it a little better.
We started on page 12 of the book, reading a paragraph at a time slowly. After several paragraphs we would pause for reflection. Sometimes there would be silence; at other times there would be discussion. Both were great.
I didn't know a single other person in the room, except the man who introduced himself as we were walking in late. Yet, I felt as if I knew them.
There was something that struck me from page 12 as we looked more closely at the reading. I didn't share it in the group because it seemed like a reflection just for me. But since I journal my thoughts here, I will share it.
First, the paragraph:
"But spiritual awareness is actually a way of perceiving, just as ordinary awareness is a way of perceiving. And as with ordinary awareness, there is a sense of identity of selfhood generated through this mode of perception. The big difference between them is that whereas ordinary awareness perceives through self-reflective conciousness, which splits the world into subject and object; spiritual awareness perceives through an intuitive grasp of the whole and an innate sense of belonging." (12-13)
What struck me was a grammatical structure. Wait!!! Come back! Hear me out before you shut me out! ☺ What came to mind for me was the reflexive construction. It exists in both Spanish and French (which were my prior worlds). It may exist in other languages too. The subject isn't split with the object in the reflexive construction because the subject and the object are the same. They equal each other. For example, in Spanish-- "Yo me llamo" and in French-- "Je m'appelle" both mean "My name is." But literally, they mean 'I call myself'. The subject is the object; there is no split world.
Who would have considered that grammar could make its way into a spiritual awareness thought?!?! Or that my former life as a language teacher would cross over into my spiritual journey?!?! I know it is truly odd and extremely dorky, but this was exciting for me! It may not even hold to be a great example for others, but it worked for me.
I am glad to be reading this book that has been on my shelf. I didn't wait until today to start it (in case you're wondering). I started reading it last week and am at Chapter 3.
But, my days of extreme leisure reading are numbered as my semester starts in two weeks. So, I'm trying to read Academy books and any "fun" books now.
I look forward to going back next week for more silence, centering prayer, and discussion.
Blessings on your journey!
Debra
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