I started using the title "Rev." quite a while back. People have called me Rev. for a while. I have been one now for 5 years. I go by "Pastor" most often. I used "Rev. Deb" off and on, but not all the time. I got this t-shirt recently (a few months back) with the word "Rev" in the middle. Somehow, once I get a t-shirt, things become real.
That sounds odd, doesn't it. But I have been here before. I was YEARS into seminary before I really admitted that I was in seminary, much less a seminarian. I know that sounds odd. Didn't people know I was in seminary? Yes. Didn't I know? Of course I knew. I was paying all that money and doing TONS of work. ;) But why did it take so long for me to live into who I was? That's the question, isn't it? That I was living into who I was on a daily basis, yet still not.
It wasn't the first time. I taught for 24 years. I never got a teacher t-shirt, though I have shirts from a few of the institutions where I taught. I even gave a paper at a language conference once during those days. Yet, it took a while for me to feel comfortable in my teacher skin. I eventually remembered that I had been a teacher my whole life, from playing the game "Go to the Head of the Class" to teaching my brother math in the old-timey desks in the garage. I taught at camp, from archery to sports to ropes course, to swimming. I was even head of archery for several years. Teaching and leadership were a huge part of my life.
It has always taken me time to become, to unfold, to understand and to live into my calling and identity. And maybe it isn't so much that I'm not being who I am supposed to be, but there is that next level that one goes to or gets to along the way.
What do I mean?
Well, as I look back at being a pastor, I would tell you that I have been a dedicated one the entire time from my Provisional Elder days to my Ordained as an Elder in Full Connection. Then, if we looked back a little further, we would look at situations in which LONG BEFORE I knew that I was to be a pastor, others knew. I was "pastor" to pastors for about a handful of pastors along the way. As far as preaching goes, that began in 1989 as a Lay Speaker.
It takes me a long time to unfold and live into who I am. :)
Yet, as I am on the journey, I am living it.
So, what changed? Why "Rev. Deb" now?
Months ago I was told by a church member that when I was ready, he would and could help me go online with services. I politely told him no thank you and laughed. There was no way that I would do that, though I would remain open to the Holy Spirit.
March 15th I went online for the first time with Facebook Live because I had to, if I wanted to reach the community. That was the first Sunday we didn't hold services. That first Sunday we had no music. It was just me preaching. I was EXTREMELY nervous. We had our technological glitches. We lived through it. We had a few people running sound, etc. in the sanctuary.
Week 2, March 22, we added live music and did Facebook live again. I was still very nervous. It was nice to have music and folks there, though the number was less than ten.
Then the mandate came to not have gatherings. We worked with that and found a way to offer services with music, sermon, etc. I have preached in an empty sanctuary and once from a classroom since.
I never would have predicted this!
It isn't in my comfort zone, but I stepped up because I needed to. Because I wanted to reach the faith community.
Throughout this time as I have spent much more time in my hammock (hammock time is a spiritual practice for me), I have reflected. I have wrestled. I couldn't tell you what was going on, but I could tell that there was change and transformation happening. It was as if it was time for me to go deeper. Or, since I play Pokemon Go (but not lately), it was as if it was time to level up.
I have sensed this transformation coming for a while. Being in the cocoon, yet not knowing what was going on.
Then, this past Wednesday morning, I woke up and bam. I knew. I was no longer in the cocoon. I was free. It was time. I watched the horizon that morning, made a morning post and signed it "Rev. Deb". I knew. I don't fully understand, yet I know.
Riley and I were able to get some much needed outdoor time that day at Pigeon Mountain and we ate our lunch at the hang gliding launch, Hood Launch. Oh, if I could fly. I have only been hang gliding once and that was such an incredible experience. It was spiritual. It was freedom.
Here is my post from Wednesday morning: (4/22)
As I watch the sky this morning and listen to the birds, the rooster, and one goose flying over (where ARE his flying friends?), some things start to come together for me. Some of what I have been going through for weeks makes sense.
I wrestle weekly, more than ever, with a word inside me to come out for the flock. Last week's word of 'living hope' wrestled me like Jacob and broke me open into places I hadn't seen or felt in years. Yet, it allowed me to walk with, to share, to be, to lead.
I have known grace, healing, forgiveness, pain, and brokenness before. These days are at a deeper level. The light and love that are shining into me and through me can only be because of the Creator.
I don't know your greatest need today. So, my thoughts, my hope, my prayer, is that you receive what you most need.
What is on my mind this morning is joy, hope, healing, courage, peace, grace, forgiveness, comfort, and rest. If any of that fits, receive. Allow it. With open hands. If other things are needed, ask. There is One who knows you best.
May this day be a day that marks newness.
Shalom.
Rev. Deb
Rev. Deb
I've been writing more prayers lately, for Bamboo Encounter and for our 7:25 a.m. and p.m. prayer times that we started during this pandemic time. Though I'm not sure what that means, I've enjoyed it.
I'll post a picture of my "Rev." shirt and I'll put the blog posts below of my journey of living into being a seminarian and a teacher so you can read those too. I may even add one of the three hang gliding posts.
I knew transformation was coming because I was being pushed out of my comfort zone in other ways too. Before we quit worship together, I was praying differently and I miss that. Listening and obeying the Holy Spirit comes with some arguing from me. I give in. It just takes a while. So, after I start praying differently (I realize that I am not explaining what I did) during service and we go online, there was this one Sunday when I read lyrics to a song that contained the words "I clapped my hands and cried glory". The first time I read "clapped" out loud, I felt an undeniable nudge from the Holy Spirit and an argument began in my head and I kept reading. At one time I chuckled and you can see it in the sermon. I finally gave in and started clapping, one single clap, every time the word came up.
That's just one example of the transformation that I know. Much is unknown. We don't see how the caterpillar transforms in the cocoon, we just know it does.
I don't know what things you might be dealing with in these different days or what transformation you might be experiencing. It is definitely at time for reflection. I hope for you time for listening and that you will experience healing on the inside and freedom on the outside.
Going deeper and leveling up are part of the adventure! I am loving this adventurous journey!
Much peace,
Rev. Deb
IDENTITY AND CALLING
I am an alien (October 25, 2010)
Hello, I'm a Seminarian (September 20, 2013)
Live Streaming Moments from Annual Conference... anticipation.... is making me wait (June 11, 2014)
Pushing Back the Dark by Faith (August 11, 2017)
Embracing Soul Care... Identity (June 2, 2018)
HANG GLIDING
HANG GLIDING 1
HANG GLIDING 2
HANG GLIDING 3
