What costume or mask are you wearing?

October 31st.  In the United States, and maybe elsewhere, this is the time for costumes and masks.  Children and adults dress up and go to parties.  Children will go trick-or-treating or to "trunk-or-treats".  Whether it is to celebrate the harvest, to get candy, or simply to have fun, there are many people putting on costumes and masks.

Last year my husband and I switched roles.  I dressed as him, a pharmacist, wearing one of his pharmacy ties and making some fake pill-bottles with sweet tart pills.   The bottles were labeled: "RX Sweettarts.  Take two as needed."  My husband wore my taekwondo uniform.  I was a red belt at the time.  It was proper as he had been a red belt (or almost a red belt) at one time, many moons ago.

But, what about in our everyday life?  Do we wear costumes or masks?  If so, what are they and why are we wearing them?

I was faculty advisor on a mission trip to Italy during Spring Break in 1999.  One of my roles on the trip was to be part of the drama team for one of the YWAM skits we did.  It was "King of Hearts" and I was the third person in the line up, the strong person, not scared of anyone or anything.  The skit called for air punches and a jump kick, and this was before my taekwondo days.  From the description for the skit: "Four lost and wounded characters hide their inner hurts behind various masks. Jesus Christ meets with each individual and shows him or her that only He can heal their brokenness and give them each a new heart."  http://www.worldchristian.com/searchproducts.php?product_type_id=4

Doing this skit was powerful for me.  For one, that was something I had struggled with for many years.  Wearing masks to cover lost and woundedness.  And I didn't even know it for a long time.  As I learned and became aware of it, I grew into allowing Christ to heal my brokenness.  Yet, even so, I would still wear masks.  Christians weren't supposed to hurt or be broken, so I would hide that even among Christians at times.  Then, there came a time in my life when I quit hiding that too.  Mostly.  I still hide.  I realized that as I was reflecting today.  I was hiding while in Italy.  I was struggling internally with some major conflicts during that time in my life.  And I kept hiding some of those things for a long time, even after it was obvious.  Until the moment I was strong enough to share some of those things with those from whom I had hidden it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1ncuXrnFxA&feature=related (One version of the YWAM "King of Hearts" skit)

I am growing.  Several years ago I made myself go to church one morning even though I didn't feel like it due to the circumstances going on in my personal life.  I really didn't want to have to be around people and pretend that the moment was good.  But, I went.  And, in the parking lot, I was met by a friend who asked how I was doing.  I had a decision to make: put on the mask or leave it off?  I risked leaving it off.  She understood.  I knew I needed time in the Word and in the Prayer Garden before service, so I skipped Sunday School and opted to listen and speak to God.  I wasn't prepared to meet lots of people.  I had to be careful that the non-mask of reality wasn't too full of anger and pain.  Since hurt people hurt people, I didn't want to hurt others, but rather enter into a place of healing in which I could heal from where I was.  Healing meant leaving off the mask, but making sure that my pain didn't cause other pain, though sometimes that happens unawares.

There are good moments and not so good moments of living without the mask.  Is it easier to hide or to live in that vulnerability?  Neither is easy.  Both are susceptible to pain.  However, I find that the pain that leads to growth is a much better pain for me to endure.

Learning to be who I am, who I am created to be is a journey.  As it is for all of us.  Does this costume fit?  Nope.  This one?  No.  It's almost like Goldilocks attempting to find the perfect chair, porridge, and bed.  It takes her a while to find one that fits her.  But even then, it wasn't made for her, it wasn't truly "her".   To find what fits means I spend time listening to my Creator.  Only my Creator knows me best.  Listening, watching, seeking, observing... in these I get a glimpse (occasionally) of who I am.  There are some things I know for sure.  I am a teacher.  I would have argued that one with you for years.  But, looking back and seeing God's guiding hand on my life through all the experiences and opportunities, I saw it finally as I was retiring.  I finally understood that no matter what context I am in, I am a teacher... it is part of who I was created to be.  From the days I played the game "Go to the Head of the Class" to the days I "taught" my brother in the old-timey desks we had in our garage to the days of camp counselor teaching archery, sports, and project adventure to the days of teaching ESL, Spanish, French, etc.  I have been "teaching" in one context or another since I was a kid.  It took me years to see it, though professors in college saw it in me and encouraged me in that way.

Little by little, as my life unfolds, as I am open to listening and hearing God, I see more of who I am and who I was created to be.  Some of it I can accept and live into.  Some of it scares me frankly.  Some of it makes me want to pretend I didn't hear and put on a blank mask so that maybe, if I pretend it's not there, others won't know.  And, it's not even bad things.  It can be good things.  Things that show growth in my faith journey.  Yet I don't want others to see that either.  I'm insecure and afraid that if others see those parts of me, then I will be rejected.

I have been rejected for my faith before.  I would imagine we all have at one point or another.  I was rejected after 12 years of marriage by my first husband because of my faith.  That was 1/2 of the equation that he cited for our divorce.  There have been some other situations too.  Being rejected for who we are is not easy.  So, it has caused some shell-shock resistance and reaction in my life. 

From another situation with a friend quite a few years ago, I have worked through acceptance and living into who I am, regardless of the rejection.  Yet, at each new layer of "me" that is unfolded and revealed to me, I hesitate as to whether or not I truly want to live into being that person that God created me to be.  What if others reject me?   Yet, if I reject the me that God created me to be, then I am rejecting God.  So, for whom am I living this life that God gave me?  The easy answer to say would be: God, my audience of One.  But that's just not always the case.

So, there are days when I still wear masks and costumes.  But, I am trying to get back to the day in the garden of being naked and unashamed.

What masks are you wearing?

~Debra

If I Were A Butterfly...

Are you familiar with the song, "If I Were A Butterfly"?  I learned it when I was at camp, many moons ago.  It is also known as "The Butterfly Song".

Here are the lyrics: (I encourage you to check out their website!)

THE BUTTERFLY SONG (If I Were a Butterfly)Words and Music by Brian M. Howard

If I were a butterfly I'd thank you Lord for giving me wings If I were a robin in a tree I'd thank you Lord that I could sing If I were a fish in the sea I'd wiggle my tail and I'd giggle with glee But I just thank you Father for making me, me CHORUS For you gave me a heart and you gave me a smile You gave me Jesus and you made me your child And I just thank you Father for making me, me If I were an elephant I'd thank you Lord by raising my trunk If I were a kangaroo You know I'd hop right up to you If I were an octopus I'd thank you Lord for my fine looks But I just thank you Father for making me, me If I were a wiggly worm I'd thank you Lord that I could squirm If I were a fuzzy, wuzzy bear I'd thank you Lord for my fuzzy, wuzzy hair If I were a crocodile I'd thank you Lord for my great smile But I just thank you Father for making me, me Copyright © Mission Hills Music www.ButterflySong.com All rights reserved. (BMI) International copyright secured. CCLI - 35445 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The picture of the butterfly that I added in is a butterfly that I saw during my Academy week last week.  During one of the silence and solitude reflection times, I was sitting on a bench thinking.  I noticed the butterfly and attempted to get a couple of pictures. Just as the fun song brings to mind all sorts of images of nature and how we might be if we were them, the butterfly itself also brings to mind images of life and transformation to me. On my 8 1/2 hour drive home yesterday, I had lots of time to think.  One of the things I thought about was the butterfly, the butterfly song, metamorphosis, change, metanoia, When the Heart Waits by Sue Monk Kidd, etc.  I've written about some of these things before, but here are my thoughts from yesterday. One of the prayers I still have is for my "wings" to continue to heal.  My shoulders and shoulder blades aren't 100%, though they are MUCH better than they were 2 years ago.  The journey of healing through the two years had its ups and downs.  It wasn't easy.  There is still pain.  But, I didn't have to have surgery.  Frozen shoulders (adhesive capsulitis) is something I'll probably have to deal with for a while.  And for now, I need to continue a regimen of lots of stretching and strengthening.   So, though I don't have "wings", I identify with the butterfly. I think of the birth of the butterfly, coming out of the cocoon.  First, that butterfly has been in its cocoon, in the dark for an amount of time.  It has been in a waiting time.  But not a waiting without purpose time.  This time has been a time of transformation, change, metanoia.  What was once a caterpillar is no longer.  It is now something new.  Yet, it is still not ready to live into its fullness.  It must first get out of the cocoon, out of the darkness of tranformation and preparation. Getting out the cocoon isn't easy.  It is a struggle.  It is tiring.  Yet, it strengthens the wings of the butterfly and without it the butterfly's wings would not be strong enough to fly.  But even upon emerging with strengthened wings, the butterfly must wait a little longer to allow the wings to dry.  Then, the butterfly is ready to fly and live into what it has now become. It is a new song for the butterfly.   Just as it is for each of each when we emerge from the darkness of transformation and preparation.  Throughout the ongoing growth process in our lives, there is pain.  There can not be growth without growth pains.  Yet, we are able to sing our new song and live into who we are as we continue the cycle much like the butterfly. Casting Crowns has a song that declares "Let my life song sing to You".   That is the cry of my soul.  That my life song will sing to God.  That I will live into the life that God has created me to be.  That I will not fear the darknesses (because they are plural) of transformation and preparation, but will take them as part of the journey.  And, that when it is time to fly, that I won't be afraid to lift my wings and allow the current of the wind (the Spirit) to lift me up. So much of what I heard this past week spoke into who I am and who God has created me to be.  I am unfolding.  I am open.  I have been unfolding for several years now since I accepted the invitation to go deeper in 2006.  Yet, I learn a little more each year.  As I seek, as I study, as I live in community, both in the Academy and in my normal surroundings, God is continuing to help me get back to the center of who I am.  It's an exciting, albeit sometimes scary journey.  Frankly, I'd rather do without the darkness experiences for they are not typically pleasant.  However, I recognize that there is growth.  Just as the cycle of the butterfly cycles from one area of formation into another, so it is in life.  Christ's life, death, and resurrection is an example of this.  Orientation, disorientation, reorientation.  Over and over again as we continue to grow.  But, more on that a different time. My wings have dried.  It's time to lift them and fly. May there be a new song in your journey, time to fly, and awareness from the darkness of transformation and preparation, ~Debra

"The Way It Is"-- a poem by William Stafford for the journey

I've been introduced to some new poets and poetry this week during our morning curriculum sessions and in yesterday's after lunch session.  I've enjoyed reflecting on these this week.

This morning, we heard "The Way It Is" by William Stafford.  Before I say anything about it, let me just share the poem.  But, first, a little bit about the poet.  William Stafford (1914-1993) was born in Kansas.  He wrote about 22,000 poems in his life time, of which 3,000 have been published.  For more, check out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Stafford_(poet) and http://www.poets.org/poet.php/prmPID/224.

"The Way It Is"
William Stafford

There's a thread you follow.  It goes among
things that change.  But it doesn't change.
People wonder what you're pursuing.
You have to explain about the thread.
But it is hard for others to see.
While you hold it you can't get lost.
Tragedies happen; people get hurt
or die; and you suffer and get old.
Nothing you can do can stop time's unfolding.
You don't ever let go of the thread.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Read it through a couple of times.  What words or phrases stand out for you?  What is the thread for you?  How do you see your life connecting to this poem?

For me, it's a picture of the journey, of the faith journey.  The thread that doesn't change for me is God.  "It goes among things that change."  The journey is an ongoing adventure of change.  People probably wonder what I'm pursuing... I imagine people wonder about quite a bit that I do.  Some may; some may not.  It doesn't really matter.  My concern is to follow the thread.  I try to explain about the thread.  For some others it's hard to see; yet there are those who see it too.  Lots of life stuff has happened and will happen along the pathway of this journey.  I can not stop time from unfolding, but I can hold on to the thread.  I can hold on to the thread through my doubts, through my fears, through my joys, through my pains, through my growth, etc.  It is a word picture of my spiritual formation journey, my adventurous journey of faith.

So, I'll ask again.  What is the thread for you?  How does this poem touch you, connect with you?  What are your thoughts?

Here is a link with the poem and a picture image of a canoe and a body of water.  Maybe it will help to reflect on the poem from this website: http://www.panhala.net/Archive/The_Way_It_Is.html

Following the thread,

~Debra

   

Rhythm of silence....

The sound of silence.  Remember that song from the 60s?  It's a Simon and Garfunkel song.  It was written in February 1964.  Truthfully, I was just beginning to grow in my mother's womb at that time, so I didn't start hearing it until the later 60s and 70s.  It talks about silence in one way....

Here are the lyrics:

"The Sound of Silence"

Hello darkness, my old friend, I've come with talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping, left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain, still remains
Within the sound of silence

In restless dreams I walked alone, narrow streets of cobblestone
Neath the halo of a streetlamp, I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light, split the night
And touched the sound of silence

And in the naked light I saw, ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking, people hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never shared, and no one dared
To stir the sound of silence

Fool, said I, you do not know, silence, like a cancer, grows
Hear my words and I might teach you, take my arms then I might reach you
But my words, like silent raindrops fell, and echoed in the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed to the neon god they'd made
And the sign flashed its warning in the words that it was forming
And the sign said the words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls, and whispered in the sounds of silence

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When I think of silence, that song comes to mind.  When I try to be silent, it takes a while for the voices in my mind to become quiet.  The silence in the song isn't welcomed, it is compared to cancer.  There are two sides to most things.  I'm not talking about the same silence as the song here.  I'm talking about silence as a spiritual discipline, as a spiritual practice, as a way to grow on the journey.  Silence is imperative if I am to reflect on life, to gain (or regain) perspective, to rest my mind.

This week I'm blessed to be in an atmosphere that incorporates silence into its rhythm.  I'm participating in the 2 Year Academy (#32) and we are in Session #2.  I've needed some silence and solitude time.  As you may have read in previous blogs, I've not gotten as much of it as I need lately, but I have gotten some.

This week I am getting more, but maybe not even enough.  I am getting some to reflect on what I am hearing, to swirl it around in my grey matter, to attempt to LISTEN and respond. 

When I have heard in the past, I have noticed that the voice of truth gets muddled in the din of all the other voices.  That's why silence is so instrumental.  The silence helps weed out the other voices so that I am listening to the One voice.

As I set out for a time of silence today, I was encouraged and uplifted by a message that told me I was being covered in prayer.  Wow!  How in the world did that person know that at that moment I was heading out from the lecture into silent reflection time and that the topic(s) of reflection were pretty weighty on my mind?!?!  This person probably didn't know.  But, you know what?!?!  God knew!   And, God impressed on this person to let me know I was being prayed for.  God is a powerful connector of souls and lives when we listen and obey.  There is life giving power when we listen to God and obey.

Are you listening?  What do you hear?  How will you respond?

I'll share more about what I'm hearing later... right now, I'm still listening.

Blessings on your journey!

Debra

Change the World.... What's Your Burning Bush?

Change the World.

Mike Slaughter

Alan Hirsch

Rudy Rasmus

I'm at a Mission Conference at Ginghamsburg Church in Tipp City, Ohio.  Tomorrow is the last day of the conference, then we'll head back home.  I'm really glad we made the effort to get here.

I am especially glad my Greek proctor was with me on this trip so I could take my mid-term this week, even though it's a week early, since I'll be out of pocket next week.  I'm not so sure how I did, but I think I passed.

The main speakers for this conference have been Mike Slaughter, Alan Hirsch, and Rudy Rasmus.  They have been powerful speakers.  I heard Mike Slaughter by video when I was at Church of the Resurrection two years ago.  I read The Forgotten Ways by Hirsch several years ago, and I heard Rudy Rasmus at SoulFeast summer 2010.  I knew coming into this conference that it would be powerful and challenging.  I have lots to think about from the main speakers and the break out sessions. 

Becoming more missional and more incarnational.... personally and corporately.... that has been my heart's desire for a while, and that desire has not died out. 

A new way of asking people about their passion has been revealed to me through this conference: 'What's your burning bush?'  I like phrasing it like that. When together your gifts, talents, experiences, and your burning bush, you've got your 'God-package'.  Then you know how and where to put your time, energy, and efforts of serving.

Sometimes we are called to be kindling for other people's burning bushes.  That resonated with me.  I agree.  We encourage others in their passion, whether with words and/or actions.  Sometimes we might even be called to be the gasoline on their burning bush.  Hehe.... ☺  Sorry.  I chuckle here.  One, I love the image of fire and Holy Spirit combining to talk about passion.  Two, I realize that I have been kindling and gasoline for burning bushes.  And, others have been that for the burning bushes in my life as well.  What an analogy! 

So, I ask myself-- at this time in my life, what is my burning bush?  What is my passion?  I continue to be passionate to guide others along their journey, to help them manuever the often difficult and dark paths.  Helping people through those stages into the openings in the forest where they can run with freedom in the green grass is energizing to me.  It brings life to me to bring life to others.  Breaking into conversation in Spanish with the busboy at Cracker Barrel is life-giving to me.  It is a passion for me to speak Spanish.   Seeing pictures of Costa Rica caused tears to come to my eyes at the conference.  I couldn't tell if it was a church to where I had been in the past or not.  It didn't matter.  Costa Rica is very dear to my heart.  Costa Rica is part of my passion.  There are other aspects too.  I'm not fully aware of them all... or I'm not fully willing to verbalize them.  But, I'm attempting to flesh them out.

What is your burning bush?  What is your passion?

Are you serving God in the area of your passion, your burning bush?

If you're not aware of your burning bush, your passion for serving, I hope and pray that you will become aware.... and that you will then take steps to make that desire into a reality. 

Meanwhile, be kindling for other people's burning bushes! 

Light the fire!

~Debra

"Break Through"-- Mustard Tree Ministries, Week 6

I was able to go last night to the Mustard Tree Ministries "Break Through" service.  I haven't been since the first night it was held at 1st Centenary UMC.  Last night was Week 6. 

Though the service was normally held in one of the classrooms, last night it was held in the room where they hold "The Vine" service on Sunday mornings because a band from Harrison UMC was coming to lead worship.

I later learned that the youth (and some adults) from Harrison UMC were the ones providing and serving the meal.  Harrison UMC brought about 20 folks and others met them at the church.  They had a good turn out.  There were representatives from Mustard Tree, 1st Centenary, and other churches too.   There were about 103 people in all (give or take a handful). 

It was a good crowd of folks.  Once again, there were black, white, young, middle-aged, older, those with jobs, those without, those with homes, those without.  I met a family of five from El Salvador and sat with them.  The children are bilingual.  It was a blessing to get to know them a little. 

The physical meal of BBQ sandwiches with lots of fixings was yummy!

The spiritual meal of the Word and preaching was good, but not as easy to digest because it was challenging (as always!). 

The verses were Ephesians 6:10--end of the armor section.  As Barry was reading it in English, his wife Diana was quietly reading it in Spanish to the family at our table.  That was pretty cool for me to hear the Word in both languages from them at the same time!

I will share my notes from Barry's preaching.... much of it is what he said, some of it will be my thoughts from what he said.

Barry talked about being hungry for God.  He asked if people were to see this group of people in prayer if they would be able to say that they were hungry for God?  Would our personal lives show a hunger for God? 

Barry spoke about Jim Cymbala from Brooklyn Tabernacle and how he knew folks were hungry for God... those that came to the prayer service on Tuesday nights demonstrated a hunger for God.  Cymbala realized that God wanted the leadership of the church and that fervent prayer was needed for growth.

Barry shared three goals that he has for Mustard Tree Ministries:
(1) That they learn how to pray.  That they come together in unity and in prayer.  We don't have perfect unity because we don't pray with and/or for one another as often as we could.  Churches are family and need to be praying for one another by name.

(2) As a unified body, start going into the darkest and toughest areas in Chattanooga and pray!  Barry shared a story from Nikki Cruz' book One Holy Fire about communism and the power of a handful of dedicated people being able to overturn the world.  Imagine that handful of dedicated people being dedicated to God and dedicated to living and serving as Christ did, people of prayer and action.....

(3) Re-gain our focus, re-focus our prayers.  Become more persistent in our prayers.  For our leaders, for each other, that God will raise us up to make a difference, for our brothers and sisters in oppressed cultures.  Barry cited examples how at times the ministry had prayed specifically for Michael and Angel (among others) and how they are now set free from the life of darkness.  Barry spoke about getting back to praying for people by name.

As Barry prepared the elements, he told us that Jesus wanted us more than anything and that is why he allowed his body to be broken and his blood poured out.  He challenged us to get re-focused and let God change Chattanooga as we are the instruments of that change.  He challenged us to ask ourselves, 'Is my heart's desire totally for God?'

When it was time to serve communion, Barry called up four members of Mustard Tree to serve.  What a blessing!  To be served the elements by these servants was a humbling and blessed moment as it truly exemplified the diverse and unified kingdom for me.

After we shared communion, Angel had a word for the community.  She exhorted us all to be addicted to God like she had been addicted once to alcohol and drugs.  To be addicted to God, to want God more than anything else... that is what she wanted for us, and for herself, and her family.

I don't make it to "Break Through" often, but when I do, I am blessed to worship in a diverse, yet unified body of believers.  Though struggling in many ways, their heart's desire is to become completely God's.

I hope and pray that my heart continues to become transformed thus.  And, that I pray for more fervently for my leaders, for others, and that God will raise me up to make a difference.

What about you?  Are you addicted to God?  Are you fervently praying? 

Blessings on the journey!

~Debra

What messes with your life?

What messes with your life?  That's the question that is in my mind today. 

Lately, Greek (the language, ancient Greek to be more exact) has really been messing with my life.  It has been a brain drain, day in and day out.  I find myself parsing nouns, adjectives, and articles even when my eyes are closed.  I'm constantly writing down the endings, going over my flashcards and attempting to learn this incredible language.  I'm enjoying this challenge, even though it does take quite a bit out of me mentally.  But that's only on the mental and academic side of life.

What messes with me besides that?  There are life experiences that mess with me.  There are sermons, songs, encounters, devotionals, prayers, things that I'm reading (or have read), etc. that mess with me.  And, I am not meaning to say that "messing with me" is a bad thing.  These things simply cause me to think, or re-think my current ways of thinking and/or living.  These things are causing paradigm shifts in my life.  And, that is messing with me.

Overall, I would say (humbly) that I am someone who loves others, who reaches out to others, who goes to the poor, the lost, the hungry, the hurt, etc. 

However, God challenged me several weeks ago.  How serious am I in my willingness to "go"?  To go from where I am?  To go to where those in need are?  To go beyond who I am?  (Borrowing three bullet points from my pastor Nathan Malone's October 9, 2011 sermon and re-phrasing them here.)  How did God challenge me? 

I went to visit a lady who had recently had surgery.  She lives in a residential area for folks with lower income, I'm guessing.  I'm not going to name the place.  It looked like a normal apartment building on the outside.  In fact, it kinda reminded me of a place my great-aunt lived in Atlanta, only minorly.  I went through the lobby and into the elevator.  When I knocked on her door, she came and opened the door.  I was greeted warmly by her and quite a few crawly creatures on the walls.  In addition, there was something in the air that I couldn't quite describe, but it wasn't fully pleasant.  I was starting to wonder why I had come.  I don't mind bugs.  I see them all the time outdoors and even in Costa Rica (tarantulas, even!).  But, there was something wrong with this picture.  She shouldn't have to live like this.  I was offered a seat at the table and I sat.  All the while that I visited, I felt God messing with me.  I felt God asking how serious I was in visiting the sick, the oppressed, the poor.  When she asked for my phone number, I gave it willingly, yet wondering what God was up to.  I recognized that for all my giving and loving heart, I have a long way to go.  I also had some righteous indignation toward the landlord of that place, and wondered if one apartment was this way, what were the others like?

In today's sermon, my pastor ended with a warning.  He warned us that living as God did with a heart for those on the outside of society will mess up your life, and you will be blessed by it. 

Having been privileged to serve meals for several years through Forrest Ave. UMC and now Mustard Tree Ministries to hungry and homeless people, I would agree.  It will mess up your life.  And, you will be blessed by it.

This is just one example of how God is messing with my life.  There are many others.  A prayer texted to me while driving to my first week of the 2 year Academy... that messed with me.  Not in a bad way, but it messed with me. 

What is messing with you these days?  And, how are you responding?  It's a call and response, in case you aren't aware.  God is calling and it's our opportunity to respond.

I hope and pray that you will live into the ways that God messes with your life and that you will be truly blessed by it!

Blessings on the journey!

~Debra

PS-- Here are the lyrics to a song that I've heard several times that echo my desire to live and serve as Christ did.  When I struggle with experiences as I described above, the words to this song remind me that I do want to love and give as Christ did.

Chris Sligh "Only You Can Save"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcaFtrnIoHQ&feature=related

I saw a man today, his whole world across his back
A living monument opposed to my success
I tried to look into his eyes as he shuffled past my car
Sweat beading on his skin, his clothes and hair a mess

As the light turned green and I pulled away
He slowly disappeared
Just a memory of another chance
I failed to show Your love here

I wanna love because You loved
I wanna give because You gave
I wanna reach my hand out to the lost
'Cause I know Your hand will save

Only You can save
Only You can save

Have to wonder if I really want to know
The struggle and the pain that others feel
Do I want to hear the stories I see echoed in their eyes?
Or is this love I say that I'm reflecting even real?

As the light turns on inside my head
And I slowly disappear
I steel myself 'cause what You call for me
Is to show Your love here

I wanna love because You loved
I wanna give because You gave
I wanna reach my hand out to the lost
'Cause I know Your hand can save

I wanna love just like You loved
I wanna give just like You gave
I wanna reach your hand
'Cause only You can save

Only You can save
Only You can save

(Save)
Just let me be Your hands
(Only You can save)
Let me be Your eyes
(Only you can save)
Help me understand
(Only you can save)
That I'm Your hands and feet
Hidden behind this frail human disguise

I wanna love because You loved
I wanna give because You gave
I wanna reach my hand out to the lost
'Cause I know Your hand will save

I wanna love just like You loved
I wanna give just like You gave
I wanna reach your hand
'Cause only You can save

Only You can save
Only You can save
Only You can save
Only You can save

Only You can save
Only You can save
Only You can save
Only You can save

1st Degree L2 Black

I tested this testing cycle for my decided black belt in Tiger Rock Ho-Am TaeKwonDo.  I am pleased to say that I earned the belt and now am a decided black belt, 1st Degree L2. 

I started this journey in January 2008.  As a white belt, I only had hopes and dreams of making it to black belt.  Well, I'd say I had determination too.

I started the program in January and got in enough classes to make the January testing.  Looking back over my testing history, I tested 5 times in 2008.  I was on the move.  I tested 3 times in 2009, only once in 2010, and now twice in 2011.  It has been 8 months since my last testing. 

The reasons for my intervals in testing have been health-related: anemia, low white counts, kidney stones, severely twisted ankles, bilateral frozen shoulders.  My body has been letting me down some in middle age, even though I've learned to listen to it and attempt to take care of it. 

The bilateral frozen shoulders are healing.  Though they aren't 100% healed, they are to the point where I'm dismissed (kicked out) from the doc's office.  I continue to work on stretching and strengthening on my own. 

I no longer spar in TaeKwonDo, but do E-CAS (Elite Counter Agression Skills).  Sparring could still be dangerous to my shoulders and put me in a surgery situation.

This has been a long journey.  There have been many obstacles along the way.  Not only the physical.  My brain sometimes doesn't help me in learning the forms.  I even struggle with remembering which side of my body is to move when.  I almost used a sharpie for this last testing so I would spear hand with the correct hand at the end of my form. ☺

I am grateful for the excellent teaching I have received over these past four years.  I am also grateful for all the encouragement I've gotten from instructors and fellow participants!  This is a journey lived in community.  I'll be starting year number 5 this January.

I tested on Wednesday of testing week, early testing.  I'm glad that the time and day worked out because my husband and daughter were able to attend.  In addition, Master Rick Hall was there.  It was important to me that he see me test (even if he was focused more on the little kids).

Awards night was Thursday night of this week, last week.  My daughter and I went to get our belts and Certificates.  She also tested this cycle, for 2nd Degree L4 Black Belt.  She's been doing it longer than I have!

I was humbled when Master Rick Hall called out my name and there was applause.  Normally we all wait until after the presentation of the belt and the Certificate for that.  Maybe it was because he shared a little bit about how I had persevered to get to this point.   All I know is that it wasn't expected, I was humbled by it, and proud of my accomplishment at the same time.

My journey to black belt isn't over, it has only just begun!  I don't know how far I will get in this journey.  I'm no spring chicken anymore (as the saying goes).  But, I do plan to continue working out, giving it my all, learning new forms, getting better in my forms and E-CAS, and board-breaking skills. 

What is it on your journey that is taking longer than you expected?  Don't give up!  Persevere!  Go forth with determination!  Look to the community around you for support and encouragement! 

Blessings on your journey!

~Debra

Clearing my head with a fire and the stars...

No, I didn't make it out to hike over the weekend.  I sure wanted to and I needed to.  However, there have been too many things that have needed to be done. 

So, last night, when I couldn't sleep and things were swimming around my head, I decided to clear my head outside.  I got a fire going in the firepit, grabbed one of the soft blanket sleeping bags, and made a cup of hot tea (lemongrass). 

I must have been outside for a good two hours.  AHH!!!  The stars were out in their beauty and the moon was shining brightly as well.  Just being outdoors in the coolness of creation helped to clear my muddling mind.  I enjoyed watching the wood burn and the embers blaze.











the fire at its best









 
 

hot coals

embers blazing

"Be still, and know that I am God."  ~Psalm 46:10.  I was able to do that last night. 

When I was done, I smelled like a campfire and it was late!  However, I don't mind the smell and it was worth the time.

Today I read this in Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence by Sarah Young:

"When many things seem to be going wrong, trust Me.  When your life feels increasingly out of control, thank Me.  These are supernatural responses, and they can lift you above your circumstances.  If you do what comes naturally in the face of difficulties, you may fall prey to negativism.  Even a few complaints can set you on a path that is a downward spiral, by darkening your perspective and mind-set.  With this attitude controlling you, complaints flow more and more readily from your mouth.  Each one moves you steadily down the slippery spiral. The lower you go, the faster you slide; but it is still possible to apply brakes.  Cry out to Me in My Name!  Affirm your trust in Me, regardless of how you feel.  Thank Me for everything, though this seems unnatural--even irrational.  Gradually you will begin to ascend, recovering your lost ground.
     When you are back on ground level, you can face your circumstances from a humble perspective.  If you choose supernatural responses this time--trusting and thanking Me--you will experience My unfathomable Peace." (p. 290)
Psalm 13:5; Ephesians 5:20

This devotion resonates within my soul as I can see that I was beginning to spiral downward.  Instead, I will thank God for all these things that have been going "haywire" and not according to plan.  After all, I have witnessed God work things out in God's time and God's way, so why should I let the current circumstances get me down?!?!  Why can I not trust that these too will work out in God's time and way?!?!  I will thank God for the learning and for the journey, for the seeds planted (in my life, if nothing else). 

There is something in Sarah Young's devotion that reminds me of those concrete Alpine slides.  She writes: "The lower you go, the faster you slide; but it is still possible to apply brakes."  Now, when you apply that statement to an Alpine Slide, it becomes an adventure, a thrill.  I LOVED those things!!  We used to have one here in Chattanooga, at Raccoon Mountain.  I used to go as a kid when I was a camper (and counselor) at Camp Skyline.  And, even as an adult when I moved back to the area.  I've been on another one in Jackson Hole, Wyoming.  They are thrill-rushing rides!  You can definitely apply the brakes if you get going too fast, especially at the very end so you don't hit the tires at the end of the track, or the track itself. ☺

But, the downward spiral in life isn't such a thrill.  In fact, it's a negative force.  And, giving thanks to God is definitely a powerful remedy to regain one's level. 

Jackson Hole

If  you get a chance for an Alpine Slide ride, take it! 

If you find yourself on a downward spiral in life due to circumstances, try the advice from the devotion.

If you need to clear your mind, try getting out into creation--whether it's for a walk, a hike, camping, backpacking, a boat trip, or just sitting out by a fire.

Blessings on your journey!

~Debra

October.... already?!?!

Today is October 1st.  I can't believe it's here already.  I realize that the season of Fall comes in September, but to me, Fall happens in October.  That's when the leaves will change, the cooler air will begin to blow, and it will be harvest time.

Fall Tree in my neighborhood.  Picture taken 10/13/10

But, I'm rushing the month a little too much by getting so quickly to harvest time.  Yet, I have to.  For me, October is in essence, a two-week month.  This is because I will be gone from home the last two weeks of the month.  Granted, I'll be gone for good reasons and I'll be learning and growing.  However, I have to make arrangements for those at home whom I leave behind, my work load needs to be dealt with, AND there is always homework, specifically Greek.  As you can see, the coming of October brings on some stress for me.  ☺

I am enjoying learning Greek.  However, my brain is having a difficult time keeping up with it.  There is SO much to learn.  So much more than a romance language.  Take nouns for example.  With Spanish and French, all you need to know is gender, whether the nouns are masculine or feminine.  There are some neuter nouns, but not many.  Is Greek that simples?  Unfortunately, no!  You need to determine the case (nominative, genitive, dative, accusative, vocatvive--if you go with the 5 list) and know the endings for the singular and plural.  Whew!  This is on top of learning the endings for the verb conjugations.  So, to every student I taught in the 24 years of teaching, I am on the other side of language learning once again.  Be justified!  All the hard work I put you through, I am going through it now!!  ☺

So, Greek takes lots of brain power.  And for some reason, my brain is just not keeping the brain power these last few weeks.  A friend at TaeKwonDo this morning suggested that my brain is on overload.  I would have to agree.

Between my two classes, my part-time job, being a mom and a stepmom (which has been slightly busy this past week or two with my stepson), trying to keep up with the house, exercise, and teaching a great group of folks in an online Lay Speaking Class, life has been busy! Did I miss anything?  Oh, yeah!  Self-care and soul-care!  Whew!  It's a little crazy. 

The TaeKwonDo is both exercise for self-care and soul-care!  I am preparing to test for my decided black belt next week.  This has been a long journey.  More on that in another post.

The weather these past several days has been incredible!  Nice cool breezes, sunshine.  Perfect for getting outdoors!  However, I've not been able to hit a hiking trail yet, but I will.  I do get outside for a little studying and reading though.  It helps clear my mind simply to be outside.

In preparation for the last week of October, I still have some reading to do (yes, I'm admitting that!).  The third week of October is a Mission Conference in Ohio.  I can read and study while there.  Greek quizzes and mid-terms span the month of October, so there is some pressure there.

Work-wise, there is a Mission Fair to finalize-- with a few booths for which I need to pull some things together--but others are in line to do their part.  I am also pulling together some things for a Communion ministry, and then there is a November/December class coming down the road quickly.  These are work and class related, primarily class related.

As I've jumped deeper into ministry this semester, I'm trying to keep the focus of self-care and keeping myself at a place where I am healthy (emotionally, physically, spiritually, and relationally) to serve.  However, even with help from others, I can see how quickly one can be drained.  And, I am a decent "boundary" person.  I can say "no".  I know my limits.  Yet, how do you not "do" when you need to study?

I'm at a place where I yearn to simply "Be still, and know that I am God."  Is this just a season, an ebb and flow of time where things are just hitting at once?  I hope so. 

I desire to set an example for others that isn't a wildly-driven servant of God, but one that acts upon the leadings of Christ, one that listens and obeys, one that can be still enough to listen. 

As I open us Jesus Calling to see what it says for today, the key verse for October is this:  "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."  ~Matthew 11:28

The first paragraph of the devotion for October 1 reads: "Worship Me only.  I am King of kings and Lord of lords, dwelling in unapproachable Light.  I am taking care of you!  I am not only committed to caring for you, but I am also absolutely capable of doing so.  Rest in Me, My weary one, for this is a form of worship." (Sarah Young, p. 288)

It's amazing to me how right-on, how appropriate, how fitting, how timely these devotions can be. 

Taking these words to heart, I will rest.  I will worship by resting.  I will worship by studying Greek.  I will worship by getting outside to do both. 

Ah!  October!  The month of changing leaves and blowing breezes!

If you have found yourself to be overworked like me,  may the blowing breezes of the Holy Spirit blow through your life and fill your weary soul with rest!

Blessings on the journey!

~Debra

P.S.  I tried to post a video so you could experience the gentle (and not so gentle) breezes that we're having today.  But, it kept having problems loading, though it was short.  I pieced only 4 clips together for a total of 2:36 (2 minutes and 36 seconds).   You would see and hear the wind, see the cloud formations moving (one looks like a check mark) and you will see and hear my wind chimes).  There are extraneous nature (bird) and human sounds (car, motorcycle, me trying to click on the zoom, my husband in the kitchen).  I'm not much of a videographer, I'm better with still pictures.  But, a still picture doesn't express wind.   And, it is in experiencing the wind that we can understand.  dd