Re-entry. Once again I'm in that re-entry space. I'm back home. It's wonderful to be back home again from my Academy week. Yet, there is so much in my heart, mind, and soul that hasn't been fully processed (especially since this was the last session of the 2 year Academy for me).
There is so much floating around that needs contemplation/reflection time. Yet, there is MUCH to be done here at home. Laundry, this week's readings and assignments, catching up on e-mails, preparing to teach the ladies on Thursday, preparing for Thursday evening's meeting, preparing for my daughter's birthday and celebration, ETC.
There is a tug-of-war going on within me for my time and energy as I attempt to live into this place of honoring all that I need to be and do on both planes. Once again I find myself living into the tension. This is becoming a normal place of life for me. And, that's okay. There are many paradoxes in life and living into the "being" and "doing" is one of them.
Though I have so much that I want and need to process right now, I simply cannot. I will need to settle for short moments of processing and I will most likely make a list of those things that strike me most. And, then I hope for some time to work through it later. ☺
Meanwhile, I have made a "to-do" list of what I need to accomplish today back in my "normal" world. I will do what I can. I don't feel that I'm fully back yet. Maybe being fully back isn't the goal. I would hope that I don't fully engage as I was prior, but as I have become... whatever that means. ☺
I don't know where you are in your journey. Maybe you are living into the paradox of "being" and "doing" with much grace and ease. If so, blessings!! [There are some days like this, for which I am grateful!] But, maybe you are experiencing a tug-of-war like I am today. If so, blessings to you as well.
Wherever you are today in your journey, may you find peace as you work through ins and outs of the day. There is peace in the tug-of-war even, at least for me, once I recognize it for what it is and simply attempt to do what it is that I can do and live into each moment that I have.
I may not fully be able to live into my desire to "be still" today because of all that I need to focus on and do. Yet deep down beneath all of this, there is the stillness and the peace that resides and flows.
Ah, living into the tensions and the paradoxes of life... now that's life-giving!
Shalom!
Debra ☺
I am aware of the tension as you describe it and have too learned to live in the midst. I can't help but think about the butterfly, as we witnessed, which in tension "must" leave one way of knowing and struggle to enter into another. Perhaps the space of and in the struggle is the Spirit's witness with our spirit that God is indeed nearer and closer than we think?
ReplyDeleteThanks for bringing this thought about the butterfly into the dialogue... That was such a beautiful and tangible imagery in so many ways. And to think about it in this way of leaving one way of knowing and struggling to enter into another is helpful... As is the thought and observation of space and struggle of the Spirit's witness with our spirit showing that God is nearer and closer than we might think. Good thoughts for reflection. Thank you!
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